


There Goes Death (Coming For Kenny Again)

by EstherRomanov



Category: South Park
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Boy x boy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-05-16 03:27:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 45,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5811916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EstherRomanov/pseuds/EstherRomanov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Craig has never paid much attention to Kenny McCormick. For him he is just one of the four boys that are always asking for trouble and he could not care less. But when he did finally notice Kenny, it is on the poor kid's funeral. Craig noticed Kenny's death. He cried. And he was surprised that the next day Kenny is alive, and everybody acts as if they didn't know that Kenny should be dead.<br/>Oh, and there is Cartman getting jealous of Butter's certain accountabilibuddy and there's Wendy Testaburger about to wed Stan and Kyle just so the sexual tension won't bother her anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Death roams around South Park that one cold December night. With his scythe clutched in his skeleton hands, he fights the urge to use it to every god forsaken mortal that should come across his way. He is bored, all right, and very much exasperated. That boy, he says. Why must he die every single time? And why must I always be the one to fetch him?

He can see Randy Marsh driving while drunk in the now quiet streets. He can also see Mrs. Garrison, about to trip on the stairs and make a bad fall. Jimbo and Ned are fighting off a wild bear in the woods. Clyde Donovan eats a sandwich accidentally smudged with rat poison out of hunger. Stan's grandfather is having a nightmare.

But, no. Oh no. This is not their time yet. This is only Kenny's time, again.

At two in the morning, thirty minutes from now, the boy in the orange parka Hood will be hit by a train and die. Death shall be waiting for him by then.

And heavens, Death thinks as he passes by the Raisins establishment. Why doesn't the boy reconsider who his friends should be so that he can avoid dying too often? Seriously. The fuck.

2

It is a stupid idea. The most stupid thought the most idiotic person can think of. How did they agree to this despite it being an stupid idea, however, is something they are still struggling to find out. Blame it on Cartman for being too manipulative.

"RUN!!!" Kyle screams at the top of his lungs as the group are currently chased by a herd of cows in the outskirts of town.

"Stop stating the obvious, stupid Jew!" Cartman yells, struggling with his legs and at the rear end of the group.

"Jesus Christ, are you two seriously having an argument NOW?" Stan asks, managing to sound both annoyed and condescending at the same time.

"Mmmmm? Mmmmm..... Mmm," Kenny, who is running beside Butters and Token, says.

"Nobody wants to fucking die, Kenny," Stan replies.

"I do, if it means not being part of your stupid schemes ever again," Craig deadpans.

Cartman scoffs. "Shut up, Craig. Nobody asked you."

The cows getting closer, the boys tried to run faster. No words exchange, not even an idea where they are, they run and run. Until they are nearing a railway, and Cartman trips and falls to the ground that the group stops... Really stops. For they realize that they are alone. The cows are gone. And it's too quiet. Creepily quiet. The only sounds are coming from them as they catch their breaths. Of course, they do not know that the eerie silence is because of Death hovering nearby the train, waiting for Kenny.

"Well this is weird. Where have the cows gone?" Token asks, breaking the silence.

Cartman stands up from where he tripped. In his commanding (and obviously manipulative) voice, he says, "I don't know, Token. But what I do know is that this is a chance for us to continue our plan. I mean we obviously can't give up now. Let's go back to the barn --"

"Fuck you, Cartman," Kyle states. "Like hell we're gonna go back and risk our lives again just because of your stupid idea."

The fat boy scoffs. "Whatever, Kyle. We don't need you anyway. Come on, guys. Let's leave him here."

The rest of the group did not budge. "Well, Eric... I mean, it's kind of late. L-look at the time. It's almost two in the morning. I should be sleeping by now. Did you know I should be sleeping by now? I'm sure my parents are worried. And I'm sure they will ground me if I don't come home now. Assuming that they have not decided to ground me yet, of course," Butters mutters under his breath.

"Mmmm..." Kenny agrees, collapsing to the ground.

"I just want to go home," Craig adds.

"Whatever. Stan?" Cartman pleads to the boy.

"Kyle's right, Cartman. It would be better to go home. If the cops see us at this late of an hour..."

Cartman sputters. He looks unbelievingly around to his "friends". "B-but the plan, you guys! Cows biting off Scott Tenorman's weiner, remember?"

"Sixteen, Cartman," Kyle begins. "We are all fucking sixteen-year-olds now and yet you're still acting like we were in fourth grade. Grow up, Cartman. Scott is part of your family now. You have to accept him. And besides, you owe him this after you made him eat his parents."

"But I don't want him in my house!" Cartman exclaims, seemingly about to cry. "He's making my life miserable!"

"Aww... There, there," Butters says, patting Cartman's shoulders. "Everything will be alright."

"No, it's not, Butters. Shut up!" Cartman cries.

"Not our problem, Tubby," Token says. "Lads, let's go home."

As they start to walk away, with Token now leading the group, Stan and Kyle immediately wrapped up in their own little world and talking closely to each other, Butters comforting Cartman and coaxing him to start walking, Kenny, still sitting on the ground, looks over his shoulder and smiles at Death. So I'll die again, he thinks. That is the third time this month. Man, can't I catch a break?

Death shots him his (bony) middle finger. It made Kenny chuckle a little bit. I know you're getting tired of me, too, buddy.

"Are you all right?"

Kenny looks up in surprise. Craig is looking down at him with worry and confusion.

"Mm?"

"You're laughing over something. What is it?"

"Mmmmh. Mmmmm."

"Are you sure it's nothing?" At Kenny's nod, the raven-haired boy offers him his hand. "Well, come on. They're leaving us."

Kenny takes the hand and the pair follows their friends. Kenny, however, is anticipating for his death. Any minute now. Can't it be now so we can get over it?

"Mmmmh?" he asks Craig just to start a conversation.

"Tweak is grounded, remember? After the stunt you guys pulled on him this morning?"

"Mmmmh..."

"Seriously, McCormick. I would like to know because I've been wondering about this for the longest time. Why are you hanging out with those guys?" He points at Stan, Kyle, and Cartman. "You're a decent bloke, I think. A sensible one. Butters said so himself that one time before he went to Hawaii. So why are you hanging out with those troublemakers?"

Oh. Why, indeed?

"Mmmmh?"

"No. I don't give a fucking shit who your friends are. I could not care less. I would just like to know."

Kenny considers this for a moment. But not too long.

Cartman calls on Craig and Kenny for being too slow. Then all the boys are screaming again in horror when the herd of cows return. Behind Kenny, he can hear the train approaching.

Death readies his scythe.

Kenny can see it all now. He can see the herd running to their direction. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Butters, and Token jump to the left and inevitably avoid the cows. Craig tries to pull him to the right but the cows already are onto Kenny. Cows, one point. The animals pushed at Kenny and he is thrown to the railway, where the train comes and hit his body. Train, two points. His mangled body, but with a still conscious mind, lies in the cold ground. He can still hear Stan go, "Oh my God. They killed Kenny!" And Kyle go, "You bastards!" He smiles to himself. He tries to look at his friends for the last time and sees horror in their faces. True horror, they are. Especially that one on Craig's.

Death hovers above him, scythe at the ready. Foolish boy. Why are you always abusing your power?

Kenny frowns. I am not abusing it. They are the ones killing me all the time.

Whatever. You must go now. Your friend, Damien, is waiting for you.

So it's Hell this time?

The Grimm Reaper does not answer. He swings his scythe, and in a second Kenny's soul is sent to Hell. The deed done, the Reaper leaves, starts his travel to Denver, where another mortal shall meet him. And, unlike the boy in the orange parka hood, that mortal shall meet him for the first and last time.


	2. Chapter 2

The South Park High School is a gloomy place for Craig. Sure there will be four years of time to be spent there, and he knows that some moment would be worthwhile, crazy, fun. But for every stupid cheesy movies depicting it so, there will also be movies that he can watch telling him of sad high school lives; bullied students, incompetent teachers, disastrous proms. Craig misses South Park Elementary. And sure, it shouldn't have make much of a difference; everyone he knows in elementary is in high school with him. But they changed, and he hates that. It is like high school is the place for a human transition before the real, despicable, adult, world. He hates Stan becoming this all-knowing sporty guy when he should have been a whiny bitch like before; or Kyle becoming the school president; or Butters learning to rebel to his parents (occassionally but becoming more frequent); or Tweak drinking lemon iced teas. Even Wendy became relax in her studies, while Cartman is serious in his. Even though he is still a manipulative, racist, anti-semitic, fat asshole he... he is different, too. Who are these people? The only ones who have changed a little is Clyde who is still a damned crybaby, Token who is still rich, Jimmy and Timmy who are still cripples, Kevin who still loves Star Wars, Kenny who is still poor, and him who is still a favorite in detentions. But even that is changing. Just last week he caught Kevin purchasing a collector's item of The Avengers. Jimmy, who managed to be friends with everyone in elementary because he is such a cool guy, suddenly cannot keep up with the pace of high school and is often left out. Timmy was pulled out last month to attend an institute for people like him. Then Kenny. What is there to say about Kenny? He's dead.

Craig has never paid much attention to Kenny before. For him he is just one of those four boys who are always asking for trouble. Even in high school, Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny still hangs out to mess with people around. The four do the craziest things! Like that one time when their English teacher humiliated Kyle in front of the class, the other three broke into her house that night and took all her undergarments to be displayed in the school faculty the next day. Or that time they had a fight with the other boys with the argument that Terrance farted first in the first run of The Terrance and Philip Show. Or that one time they went skinny dipping in the North Pole and had a lot of selfies to prove it. Those four are insufferable, but Craig could not care less. So why, he asks himself now as the bus travels to South Park High School, why did he cry so much on Kenny's funeral the day before?

Is it because of the memories? That stupid metaphor that with Kenny's death so is the childhood of all the South Park teenagers? Or is it something personal? But Craig had never spent time with Kenny that much. The only times he and Kenny were alone together were in detentions and they never really speak. Oh. But of course. Craig has known Kenny all his life, and it is only fitting that he cry. Kenny's gone, and so Craig will miss him, and remember him, like all the people changing around him.

The bus reaches a stopover. Craig cowers in his seat. This is the bus stop where the four boys usually get a lift. Now there will only be three guys who will climb up this vehicle. Craig notices that the animated conversations in the bus has not died down, in contrast to the expected silence if the closest friends of a person who died are in the vicinity. He frowns at this act of disrespect to Stan, Kyle and Cartman.

"Move your ass, Clyde. I'm sittin 'ha," Cartman says from in front of the bus.

"Why? Don't want to sit with Butters today, fatass?" Clyde asks.

Stan and Kyle breaks into laughter. Craig cringes. "He doesn't want to. Cause he's angry with Butters," Stan answers.

Craig looks over to the seat across from him and sees Butters red as tomato.

"What did Butters do?" It was Wendy that asked.

"Well, we were in Butters' house last night. Then someone started chatting with him over the Internet. Someone named Bradley," Kyle explains.

"So?" Clyde asks again.

"Turned out that Butters had known that guy when he attended a camp for gay homosexuals. Long story short, Bradley wants to reconnect with Butters and Cartman's jealous," Kyle finishes.

"I AM NOT JEALOUS, STUPID, STINKING JEW! I AM NOT SOME FAGGOT YOU PUT IN A CAMP LIKE SOMEONE HERE!"

"Well you shouldn't have tricked me in the first place!" Butters says hotly, rising from his seat. "You're the reason I was put in that camp. You wanted me to suck on your dick and my father saw you--"

"SHUT UP, BUTTERS! I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT IT!"

Awed expressions are heard in the bus. Bebe says, "Wow, first thing in the morning and we already have a lover's quarrel. This is going to be a good day."

Craig has never been the one to talk in heated rows like this. But Kenny's friends are the ones fighting, and so far, he doesn't like how people act just a day after Kenny's funeral. So, out of his character, he says, "Quit fighting, guys. How do you think Kenny would feel if he sees you all like this?"

Unexpectedly for him, Stan snickers immediately. "Kenny? I don't know. Maybe place bets on who would win this lovers' quarrel?"

Craig's fist tightens in irritation. You have a right to say that to your friend?

"BUTTERS AND I ARE NOT LOVERS, STAN! FUCK YOU!"

"I didn't say you are, Cartman."

"That's the implication of calling it a lover's quarrel, Stan," Kyle patronizes.

"Oh."

"Hey, look. Looks like Craig is angry," someone in the back says as Craig stands from his seat to look menacingly at the Marsh guy. Briefly, he wonders why the bus is still not moving.

Stan flashes a look of irritation. "What's your problem, Craig?"

A chant of Fight! Fight! Fight! begins to start and louden.

"Why do you always treat Kenny like that?" Craig seethes.

"Craig, if you want Kinny to make out with you just pay him forty dollars. You don't need to be so chivalrous for him," Cartman deadpans.

"I am not talking to you, you son of a whore! Kenny was a good guy. He's the most sensible out of the four of you and I don't even know why he's hanging out with you. What did he see in you?"

"Jesus, you really have the hots for Kenny, haven't you?"

"Stan, he's insulting us," Kyle explains again to his best friend, with a glare to Craig.

"Well if you really care for Kenny that much, why don't you take him?"

"If only I could. If I become his friend then maybe he is still al--"

But maybe it would have been better if Craig did not open his mouth earlier, he wouldn't have to experience so much embarrassment in his whole life. However, in that moment that he freezes to the ground, he thought he's gone insane. Maybe this is only a dream. How could it not be? He was in Kenny's funeral the other day, with his parents and all of Kenny's childhood friends. They were all there. They saw Kenny's body in the coffin, stitched together from the cows that hit him and the train that mangled him. Craig saw. Craig cried.

So who is this Kenny climbing the bus, merrily waving a picture, singing "This is Butters' Bradley! Saw it on the Internet!" then turning quiet as he takes in the surroundings.

"Everybody here now? Okay, let's go," says the driver and starts the bus.

"Mmmph?"

"Well, Kinny. Turns out Craig wants to be your BFF and he wants to fight for you to the death."

Craig hates Cartman now more than ever.

Stan takes the picture from Kenny's hand. "Thanks, Kenny. But we'll resolve this later. Why don't you sit with Craig over there? He looks kind of lonely, doesn't he?"

Craig hates Stan now more than ever.

"What's the problem, Craig? Looks like you've seen a ghost."

Craig hates Kyle now more than ever.

Kenny reluctantly scrambles to Craig's seat, and flops down. The whole of the bus, all of a sudden turning like elementary students, taunts, "Craig and Kenny sitting on a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage. Here comes Kenny with a baby carriage."

Craig hates high school now more than ever.

But none of his hate can surpass the horror that he feels, knowing that a dead person is sitting beside him. Again, he digs in to his memories, to his sanity, for any confirmation that Kenny did die that night. He is still standing, and Kenny grabs his wrist and pulls him down in a sitting position.

Warm. The hand in his wrist is warm. A hand of a breathing, living human being. He stares at Kenny with fear. The muffled boy stares at him in return, in concern and mild annoyance.

"Mmmmh?"

Craig takes a breath, exhales, gasps. It's a wonder he hasn't screamed in panic yet, or faint in horror. He mutters, "You're supposed to be dead."


	3. Chapter 3

It's all just a dream. A nightmare. It couldn't be real. Craig wishes he could wake up now, because he's sure as heck he can't live in a world where dead people roam the earth and everyone is fine with it.Take this bastard Kenny for example. He's dead, and he acts like everything is normal. The audacity of him to laugh at Craig when Craig told him he's supposed to be dead. What is going on? Why does everybody not seem to realize that a zombie walks among them? Was his funeral a prank? Did they play a big prank on him? Fuck everybody then.

Craig distances himself from the rest that morning. He does not to talk to anybody when there are a lot of things bothering him. This is a dream, he convinces himself again. A very, very bad dream.

Then, lunch break came. He sits alone on a table far from everyone. On their early freshmen days he usually shares a table with Token, Tweak, and Clyde. But now, Token is always with his newfound friends in the glee club. Tweak and Clyde also has friends of their own. Rarely do they talk now, except of course if Cartman needs help from any or from all of them. One thing he likes about Cartman. Another reason to hate high school.

His tuna sandwich looks unappetizing, and Craig finds it difficult to finish the food. Out of nowhere, Butters comes with his tray and sits across from him.

"Can I sit here?" The blonde boy asks. He looks to be in a really bad mood. And so, instead of Craig saying, You already sat. The fuck Butters, he only nods.

He does not ask what Butters' problem is. He doesn't need to. For the boy tells him himself in anxiety and worry. "Eric won't let me sit with them. He's still angry about Bradley. I don't even know if that what was really it, but the other boys swore it so. What is wrong in getting in touch with a friend, huh? What is, Craig?"

"Don't know."

"Oh, that Eric. He's so... so stupid!" He grabs his apple and grudgingly bit into it. Craig is looking at him quizzically. "What?!" he snaps.

"Butters, can I ask you something?"

Probably sensing the trouble on Craig's tone, he says soothingly, "Sure, Craig. What is it?"

"Do you remember that night, when Cartman brought us to the barn to get some cows for his stupid plan?"

"It was only that weekend, Craig. I remember that. My parents were upset at me that day."

"And the cows broke free, right? And they ran after us?"

"They sure did, Craig."

"Then we stopped by the train station, and all the cows are out of sight?"

"Yes."

"What happened after?"

"Why? Don't you remember? Eric said, let's go back to the barn, guys. And Kyle said, no Cartman, we must go home. Then we all went home, Craig. I even had a sleepover at Eric's to make sure he doesn't kill the ginger."

"And what about Kenny? Didn't he die?"

Butters tilts his head in sheer puzzlement. "Why would he die?"

"Because the cows flocked at Kenny and he was thrown in the railway. Then the train came and hit him."

A moment passes. Butters drops his food and laughs hysterically at him. Craig is humiliated, and confused, and angry.

"Butters, Kenny is dead!" Craig shouts.

The blonde stops. "You mean," he starts, his eyes widening in horror, "the Kenny, from the bus, is a ghost? Then why can everybody see him?"

"I don't know either, Butters. But we must find out."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" someone asks. Butters shrieks and makes a cross with his two fingers. Kenny is standing before them, orange parka hood gone, looking irritated at Craig.

"A ghost!" Butters yelps.

Kenny glares at Craig. "What have you been telling him?"

Craig glares back. "The truth."

Kenny scoffs and takes the empty seat beside Craig. "Dammit, Butters. Listen. I'm alive all right? I don't know what Craig is thinking to say that I am a ghost."

"But you died that night," Craig seethes.

"Did you see me die, Butters?"

"N-no. You were f-fine."

"Then stop being so gullible, and stop believing to what Craig says. Jesus Christ."

At this, Butters relaxes. "All right. We... we are all okay. No one died and everyone is alive. Why'd you say that lie to me, Craig? I thought we are friends."

"Shut up," Craig snaps.

"Okay. Oh. Where's your parka, Kenny? You don't sound like your usual mmmmhmph today."

"Guidance counselor confiscated it. Said it prevents me from communicating effectively with everyone. Idiot does not know anything."

"Awww... We'll miss your mmmmhmmph, Kenny. A lot. But let's just say this is for the best."

"Forget it. I will take it back this afternoon. No matter what. Help me, Craig?"

"Why would I?"

"Since you are spreading rumors that I am dead, you owe me one. This is your punishment."

Butters fucking giggles. He claps his hands. "Craig and Kenny sitting on a tree. K-I-S-S-I-"

"Butters, if you don't shut up, I won't help you with Cartman. Fatass is an a bad mood all day and only Stan, Kyle, and I knows how to calm him down. If you shut up, I'll tell you how to do it."

"Okay. Shutting up."

Kenny smirks at Craig, as if telling him, 'Look at the gullibility of our dear friend Butters.' Yep, still trying to act like everything is normal. Craig only stares at him blankly. For him the nightmare is far from over.

2

It was late in the afternoon, and two boys are waiting outside the closed office of the guidance counselor, with the intention to take back an orange parka hood.

Craig is still unsure why he is doing this, why he is with a dead kid. But he thinks this is just fine. Having watched a lot of horror movies, he thinks this is a mission so Kenny's soul can finally rest in peace.

Kenny is picking on the lock with a hairpin now, full concentration on the job. They are quiet, lest the janitor, who is cleaning just round the corner, will catch them. In that moment of silence, Craig takes in Kenny's appearance without the damned parka or anything covering his face. He realizes the boy is not that bad-looking.

"Why do you want to take your parka back?" he asks softly. "You look good without it."

Kenny pauses from his work to look mischievously at him. "You really do have the hots for me, don't you?"

Craig shoots at him the middle finger. That earns a laugh from the blonde boy.

"Say, Craig," Kenny starts, going back to his work, "did you really see me die that time? You remember me dying?"

"Yes. You died in front of us."

Kenny seems to consider this. Then he asks, more like to himself than to Craig, "I wonder how that happened?"

Craig does not answer.

"Maybe this is only for one time that someone remembers. Like... Like a glitch in the matrix or something," Kenny mutters.

"What are you talking about, McCormick?"

There is a click, and the door to the office opens. "Bingo," the blonde boy says proudly. Then he stops as he sees something behind Craig.

Craig looks behind him to see what Kenny is looking at. He finds none. But he feels the air get heavy, the atmosphere dark, and the the quietness is eerie.

"Not again," Kenny is saying. "The last one hurt big time."

Craig looks at him questioningly. For a while they just stood there, staring at each other. Kenny looks scared.

"I wonder," he says, "if you will remember this time, too."

"What do you mean?"

In the eerie silence, they can hear police sirens outside the building. A window crashes and three men comes in, no doubt criminals. They see the two boys.

Craig grabs Kenny's hand. "We better hide," he says, hiding the panic in his voice. Kenny nods and they run inside the guidance counselor's office. They push the tables in front of the door and they stand back. The criminals are pushing the door now. "Get in here, you two!" They hear them say. Kenny and Craig see a window. They know they have not enough time. There are gunshots outside the door and wild curses and aggresive shoves. Craig opens the window and grabs Kenny, wanting the blonde boy to escape first before him. The door bursts opens. Gunshots. Kenny limps in his arms. Three shots in his head. Dead. Suddenly, everything becomes mute in Craig's ears. He doesn't know when the police comes in to apprehend the criminals. He doesn't know how he was put at the back of an ambulance, a blanket thrown around his shoulders. He vaguely hears Officer Barbrady tell him that his friend Kenny is dead on the spot. The officer squeezes his shoulder, as if to console him. Then his parents arrive, crying, embracing him. His father makes him sit at the back of the car. Craig looks out of the window and sees Kenny's parents have come to the scene. Then the three other boys, mourning. He can even see Stan repeatedly punching the fence in agony, unable to accept his friend's death. Cartman is making a go at the criminals, lunging at them, wanting to hurt them. And Kyle is helping him, with sad and angry words, "You killed Kenny, you bastards!". Then, they are driving home.

Craig lies on his bed. Maybe, he thinks, maybe I can wake up now from this crazy dream. A person cannot die twice. I will wake up now.

But instead of waking up he falls asleep. When he comes to, it is five o' clock in the morning, he has to get ready for school. He thinks of the chaos that will await him in the institute. The troubled looks his classmates will give him. Their faces full of askance, wondering how does it feel to have a friend die in your arms. And he thinks how will he avoid those gazes, and show them he is strong.

Lo and behold, he walks in the school, and sees Stan and Kyle talking about something, and Cartman asking Clyde and Token to join him again on another plan to torture Scott Tenorman, and Butters trying to get Cartman's attention, and Kenny just standing beside the group, contentedly reading a Playboy's Magazine.

Wait. Kenny?

Kenny.

Craig screams in horror.


	4. Chapter 4

For the next month, Craig witnesses Kenny's death four more times. Once he was stabbed in the neck by a drunkard in the pub, the second he was ran over by a delivery milk truck, the third he drowned in the Stark's Pond, and the latest he was hit by lightning. Craig was there in all of these instances. And all caused him to question the reality we believe in. He has kept his quiet in these deaths, becoming aware that Kenny will return alive, well and unscathed. And the whole South Park will go on with their mundane lives. No one believes Craig if he speaks of this ordeal with Kenny. Everybody would laugh at him, call him a loony. And dear Jesus, he accepts that now. Insanity is the only explanation of the constant rebirths of the boy in the orange parka hood.

Now, it is a Friday night. Cartman and a few friends are on the coffee shop tonight. They are in disguise so Butters will not recognize them following him. Apparently, this is the night Butters would meet his Bradley. Cartman had said to the gang that they will follow Butters and they will take a stolen picture of him and his friend so they can have another thing to make fun of their socially awkward friend. But everybody knows that the only reason Fatass wants to follow Butters is because he's jealous.

Craig did not go with them. He opts to stay in his room, the only place he considers safe from the mentally insane world outside. Cartman had called him an asshole when he told him he does not want to come. As if he cares about anything this fatass says.

He is listening to music in his radio, when he hears a thud. He looks around to his window, and catches the sight as another stone hits it. Already assuming that this is one of his friends asking him for help because the plan did not work or something, he walks over to the darned window, opens it, and is upset when he discovers that it is Tweak throwing the stones, trembling like he always does. Even if the boy does not always drink coffee anymore, it seems the shaking won't ever stop.

"What do you want?" he shouts at the boy below the window.

"Cartman said--"

"I don't care." He starts to close the window.

"Come on, man. I had to miss the best parts just to come here and get you."

"The best parts?"

"So we are in the coffee shop, right? Then we saw Timmy there. We won't get to see Timmy more often now, Craig. He said he might move with a relative in California. So head down there with me now. It's like a reunion there for all boys in the elementary. Even Cartman is emotional."

"All of the boys?"

"Yes."

"If I am to see Kenny die again tonight--"

"What the fuck, dude. Why is he gonna die?"

"Because."

"Wait. Kenny said if you said something stupid, like that I guess, he said he'll tell you his secret. Whatever that means. He said you'll know what. And also, Cartman said you are 'a stupid gay asshole who doesn't care for his friends' if you still don't come."

2

All of the boys are there, all right, in that small coffee shop. All their classmates. And it is like they are young boys again. All there for Timmy. Butters had to abandon his 'date' for the reunion (but being the nice guy that he is, he dragged Bradley along). When the manager of the shop keeps frowning at them for being too loud, they readily left and go to a bar. They are underage, but it's not like South Park is someplace caring for legalities.

They are listening at Jimmy's comedy now. Even with the occasional stutter they still laugh at his jokes. On the other table, some kids are telling stories. "Dude, remember that one time...?" "Man, I can't believe that in elementary, I..." "High school sucks. Do you know that the...?"

Craig is sitting with his three friends and the four other boys. 

"Isn't this awesome, you guys?" Cartman asks, patting his belly. "All of us like elementary again."

"Yeah," the rest of them chorus.

"What a splendid social gathering this really is, lads. I sure am glad we did this, even though this for the parting of our great friend, Timmy."

"What the fuck, Pip! You're not welcome but here!" Cartman yells at the British teen suddenly appearing beside Kenny.

"Yes, Pip. We don't like you!" Kyle seconds.

"You're supposed to be dead, too," Craig says, fighting the urge to pinch himself in public.

At this, Cartman facepalms. "Craig, if you don't shut up about people 'supposed to be dead', I will fucking massacre you."

Stan says, "That's not cool, you know. You can't say they should be dead or something. It's like wanting them to die. What the hell's your problem?"

"I don't have any. I'm just saying that Pip was crushed by Barbra Streisand with her feet in episode 201. Remember that time? When Tom Cruise and some other celebrities attacked South Park to get ******* to have the power of censorship?"

The rest of the boys thought about it carefully. "I supposed I remember that time. But I can't seem to remember Pip dying," Token admits.

"Me neither," Cartman says.

"Of course you don't, Fatass. You were too caught up in You stupid quest to find out who your father really is," Kyle accuses.

"It's not stupid, Kyle. Shut up!"

Lads, I'm still here."

"Shut your goddamned trap, too, Pip. You're not welcome 'ha!"

"Mph! Mmmmph mmmmph mmph!" Kenny says, surprising everyone as he takes Pip's side.

"I don't care if he is your friend, Kinny! He is not wanted 'nya!"

"Timmy may want to see him," Clyde puts in. Timmy is on the other table, talking animatedly to Jimmy and Kevin.

Kenny stands up then and takes Pip to the table beside them, leaving the group for the time being. Craig follows them with his eyes. Cartman just scoffs.

"Hey fellas," Butters says, coming to them with Bradley in tow. "This is Bradley that I'm talking about. He was my accountabilibuddy back in the camp. He came here just to see me!"

"Hello," the boys say. "Gaaayy," Cartman says.

Stan and Kyle, being a lot friendlier than the fat boy, offers the two Kenny and Pip's seats and they go on chatting. They immediately like Bradley. But Cartman seems bored and irritated enough to blurt out, "Butters, is this all you came here for? To introduce us to your gay friend?"

It makes Bradley frown a little. "G-Gay is okay."

"Ha! He hasn't denied it!"

"Cartman, stop it," Kyle warns.

"Why, Eric. That's totally rude of ya. At least Bradley likes likes me, unlike you. He's really nice and does not pick on me. He's my friend so ya better treat him nice. Okay, Eric? Oh, and, yeah, I forgot that I also came here to say that Damien came here a while ago. He's outside with Kenny."

What? Dammit, Craig thinks as he looks at the table beside them again. There's only Pip, Timmy, Kevin and Jimmy now. He hasn't noticed Kenny left.

"That's nice," Stan is saying. "We also hasn't seen him for a long time. I wonder how he is." He starts to stand up. "I'll invite him here inside."

Craig stops him. "I'll do it." And before anyone could react, he runs outside. He catches the sight of Damien and Kenny, talking and laughing, exchanging banters. No, Craig thinks. They are fucking flirting.

"Hey!" he calls out. The two stops and looks up at him as he walks over.

"Mmmmh?"

"Stan wants to talk with Damien. A little hello or something."

Damien switches his gaze from Craig to Kenny to the bar. He pats Kenny's head and says lowly, "We'll see each other later." He walks inside after thanking Craig.

Kenny starts to follow but Craig pulls at his hood, not only halting the boy's actions but also pulling the stupid hood (muffler) off of his head.

"What the fuck, Craig!"

"I fucking came here," Craig says, bluntly, "and I said something stupid to Tweak a while ago. I believe it is when I said you're gonna die. So why don't you tell me your secret, Kenny?"

Kenny gives it a thought before sighing. "All right. Here it is. Brace yourself, Craig." A dramatic pause. "I have a power. I can't die."

The taller of the two pauses as well. Then he snorts. "Bullshit. You die all the time."

"No! No! What I mean is... I can't stay dead. Kill me now and I will be alive in the morning, waking up in my bed. And no one ever remembers me dying. Until now. How many times did you see me die, Craig?"

"Six."

"Yes, but I have died way more times than that. Hundred times maybe? A thousand? Ever since this whole thing started, I guess. I remember the pain of dying every time I wake up again. In my death I either experience Heaven or Hell. Sometimes all I see is a bright light before I wake up, or I walk through an endless tunnel. But no matter what happens, I will still be here, alive and living. That's the secret. What do you make of it?"

Craig cannot make out anything. He says, "Insane."

Kenny chuckles at that.

"Have you... Have you told your friends about your powers before?"

"I did. I even shot myself in the head in front of them to prove it. In the end, they still forget every goddamned time. So I just let it be. But you, I don't know how you remember my deaths so suddenly. When I ask Satan or Michael, they themselves are not sure."

"'Satan or Michael'?"

"When I'm in Hell I usually hang out with Satan and Damien. When I'm in Heaven I'm with the four archangels, strategizing to protect the Heaven's Gates."

"And Pip?"

"Yes, he's dead. You remember that too, huh? His soul is in Hell. He could be in Heaven but the place is only for Mormons so he was put down there." Kenny frowns. "You believe all of these, right?"

"Dude, I would believe anything just to prove that I am not crazy."

Kenny laughs again. Then smiles sadly. "Congratulations, Craig. You are not crazy."

"What do I do now?"

"Don't know. Maybe live a normal life again. Just ignore it every time I die."

Craig wants to protest that no, he can't do that. But Clyde is calling out to them from the bar's door, telling them to hurry because Timmy is about to make a speech. Craig and Kenny silently trudges back.

"Do you know how your friends react every time you die?" Craig asks curiously on their way.

Kenny nods. "On the rare times that my ghost just roams the earth, I see them. They're... really caring, right? Perhaps that is the reason I still hangout with them despite them being troublemakers."

They separate once they are inside, Craig to his friends and Kenny to his own.

"What did you and Kenny talk about?" Tweak asks, intrigued.

He shrugs. "Nothing out of the ordinary." No one can know. It's a secret only the two of them share. He looks at Kenny's direction, where he sees the blonde boy talking again to Damien closely. Somehow he feels a knot coil in his stomach. The son of Satan even have an arm draped around Kenny's shoulders, whispering in his ear some things that makes the apparently 'immortal' boy laugh shyly and blush terribly.

Craig feels a nudge in his elbow. It is Tweak, motioning him to look in front where Timmy is about to relay his message to his elementary school friends.

"Timmeh... Timmeh Timmeh..."

They are all crying by the end. And, despite Cartman's protest, they all share a group hug. In the end, they are all reluctant to separate. So Clyde says they must have a sleepover in his house, and they all agree. They won't let it that they must part now. They all went, except for Damien and Pip who both mysteriously disappeared into the night. Craig does not mind, if it means Kenny won't die again and go to Hell and hang out with Damien Thorn. Luckily for him, Kenny didn't.


	5. Chapter 5

When the teacher called on Craig for detention that day, he didn’t budge. There was nothing new there. He gets detention all the time for crying out loud. He can’t figure out if it was the wrong answer on the board, or the unsubmitted homework, or the flipping off that got him this detention this time. But who gives a fuck? Not him.

What is new, however, and what made him do a double take from the designated room is the sight of Wendy Testaburger sitting with the other delinquents. She’s there, fuming, snapping at Clyde beside her who was just asking her if she’s okay. Craig vaguely remembers Wendy getting in a detention before but on her own accord (that one time PC Principal made her choose between the dreaded student punishment and helping Cartman in his body-shaming problem). Now, it seemed that Wendy fell into this situation against her wants.

Craig takes the seat beside her and whispers that the teacher in front wouldn’t hear, “Fancy seeing you here, Testaburger.”

“Fuck off, Craig,” Wendy whispers back, harshly. It makes Craig snicker.

He looks past behind her head to talk to Clyde. “Tell me what happened,” he says.

Except Clyde wouldn’t talk. They are already in much trouble being here in this room and all Clyde wants is to get out of this place early to catch on some HBO marathon. So Clyde just gives a shrug and puts on a finger on his lips as if to say, “Hush, Fucker. Be silent.”

Craig sits up properly but not before giving him the finger. What an asshole.

Outside, students are starting to go home. Craig looks at them longingly from the window. Then his eye twitches in annoyance when he sees Damien again with Kenny, the boy he has not talked to for a week now since Timmy’s departure. The demon child has his arm around him (possessively) like he has all the right in the motherfucking planet. Oh the other three troublemakers are with them all right: Stan, Kyle and Cartman. But when you’re in Craig’s situation, would you still notice the unimportant? No, you would only see a won’t-stay-dead boy pressed closely against the literal son of the devil and you would only notice the growing jealousy in the pits of your stomach like a catching-Katniss-Everdeen-fire. And why the hell is Damien showing up in the mortal world too often now? And why is he only with Kenny? And why… wait. Go back. Did he just say that he is jealous? He is jealous? He likes to flip-off a finger to himself just this once.

Then Wendy says, “Why don’t they just get married? They could save the world from a whole lot of sexual tension.”

Thinking that she means Kenny and Damien, he snaps. “You wish I would let that happen.”

Cue the turning of heads to their direction. Wendy gapes at him in disbelief. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Tucker and Testaburger, another hour for the two of you!” the teacher at the front says. Craig fights the urge to raise his middle finger at her direction.

Wendy and Clyde falls silent while Craig murmurs to himself angrily. Kenny and Damien getting married? No way in hell… or heaven. Over his dead body. And Jesus Christ, he’s really jealous isn’t he?

This is not good.

2

Craig does not know what possessed Clyde to wait for him and Wendy even after he along with the other delinquents were dismissed an hour ago. But Clyde did so anyway. Maybe he changed his mind about having that HBO marathon. He is by the school gate when he and Wendy are walking home. Craig just wishes that Clyde misses his old friends that is why he had done so.

“I was texting my girlfriend in our History class and Mr. Asimov caught me,” Clyde announces all of a sudden when they are in the sidewalk after some minutes of comfortable silence. There are only a handful of students around the campus now, none of which Craig knows.

Craig heaves a sigh, “I introduced Mr. Bacon to my middle finger right here. He did not like Mr. Middle Finger. That, or I answered the equation wrong on the board.”

Wendy looks wildly at the two boys and huffs in annoyance. “How very childish. The two of you.”

“And you?” Clyde asks. “I think it’s the first time I saw you there, Wendy. That may hurt your student record, you know.”

Wendy reddens and ducks her head. “I won’t tell you.”

“You’re no fun,” Clyde says with a groan.

The girl looks at Craig sideways. “You know, I am talking about Kenny and Damien earlier.”

It’s Craig’s turn to blush. “I am not talking about them either!”

“You were. You have a thing for Kenny. There are rumours.”

“I don’t give a flying fuck about them! And who were you talking about earlier, anyway?”

“Stan and Kyle.”

Clyde and Craig stares at her in bewilderment. Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski? Craig did not notice them pass by earlier.

Again, Wendy huffs. “Seriously? None of you notice?”

Craig considers the thought but Clyde beats him to it. “But they're are always like that, Wendy. Even back in elementary.”

“Exactly. Now we must put a stop to that! To that… that sexual tension that’s been a bother for the longest time. Honestly, they should just make out already.”

“Aren’t you Stan’s ex-girlfriend?” Craig asks. “Don’t you still have feelings for him?”

Wendy actually snorts (so unlike of her). “The only thing I feel for him is condescension every time he denies his feelings for Kyle whenever I ask him. He says he’s not a fag. But how come he still sticks with Kyle and they act all lovey-dovey and shit? I have to do something. So I wrote a love letter and signed it as Kyle. I almost broke into Stab’s locker this morning but the principal—”

“Jesus Christ. Are you crazy?” Clyde exclaims. “What were you thinking?”

“Someone had to do it,” the girl reasons.

“So you won’t stop there?”

“Like hell I will. And you two will help me from now on.”

Craig raises his hands. “Dream on, Wendy. Leave me out of that.”

Wendy quickly grabs Craig’s arm in one hand and Clyde’s in the other. “No. you already knew what I am meant to do. I can’t have you warn them off.”

“Oh, we will,” Clyde says. “I don’t want any of my friends to be gay.”

Her hold on Clyde tightens and the boy yelps in pain. “You don’t want me to preach on homosexuality, Clyde Donovan. Nor do you want me to beat you out of your homophobia. Craig here is in love with Kenny, too. Isn’t that gay?”

“I am not in love with Kenny!” Craig insists.

“You don’t know a woman’s intuition, Craig,” Wendy replies slyly, her grip on him tightens as well.

“This is tyranny,” Clyde mutters, tears already blurring his eyes. Always a crybaby.

“This is for the greater good of the world.”

“That’s also what Hitler said before he became the world’s most evil person,” Craig reasons. “If that’s what you’re aiming for then it’s Cartman you should talk to.”

Then, Wendy smiles. It’s unnerving and really scary. Craig knows he is in deep trouble. “Oh, you don’t really know the extent of my convincing power, do you, Craig? Cartman already agreed to me. He is willing to help. What about the two of you?”

They don’t know. But Wendy has to prove her “convincing powers”, right?

“There is a talk that Damien Thorn will be a student here in South Park High School. I also saw him in the Principal’s Office earlier today. Isn’t that nice, Craig? He can get closer to Kenny than he already is. How about you? What do you even know about Kenny? I can help you. I’m friends with Stan. And, oh, did I mention that I and Cartman are partners now? Cartman and I together is an inevitable force. Nobody messes with us, especially me. I hope you realize that. What do you say?”

What Craig wants to say is Jesus, all these just to get Stan and Kyle to fuck? How pathetic. But he shuts his mouth. Wendy looks at him expectantly. Clyde watches for his reaction through glassy eyes. Craig shakes his head in slight irritation and finally says, “I don’t need your help. Thanks.” Wendy starts to protest but he cuts her off. “But I will help you with your petty mission and in return you give me your offer. Just in case I need it.”


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

It is in Cartman’s house that they decided to stay for the night. And honestly, they wouldn’t have it any other way. Cartman’s mom (say whatever you want about her) is accommodating and very nice. She even scolds her son in front of everybody should he begins being a jackass again. Yes, they wouldn’t have their night out in any other place IF NOT for Cartman’s half-brother, Scott Tenorman. 

Craig has not officially met the guy, only hearing him from the four idiots. He heard he’s awful, learned that he’s Cartman’s biggest enemy who outwitted him a couple of times. He heard about Cartman’s big (and probably traumatizing) revenge on the much older guy, and said guy being set being sent to the mental institution. Lastly he heard about him being released and Liane Cartman taking him in her custody. And, well, Cartman and Scott are not getting along very well. Isn’t that the reason Cartman has been drawing plans to torture that ginger in the beginning? 

As of the moment, Scott is locked up in his room, blasting Guns N’ Roses in his stereo (because, fuck Radiohead). Craig, Butters, Kenny, Clyde, Tweek and Token are in Cartman’s, waiting for Stan and Kyle’s arrival because that night is the night they will do Wendy’s plan A of Project: Style. 

“Told you, guys,” Cartman says as they are all sitting on the floor with tons of canned beers around them. He’s getting bored, and they have started to open some cans and are close to finishing the chips Liane brought earlier. Cartman continues, “Locking up Stan and Kyle in the school’s men’s room for a night would be for more effective than this… this whatever Stan’s girlfriend proposes. ‘Get them drunk and get them to start talking things out’? Fucking fuck. I swear, she got this from some faggy romantic chick flicks.” 

“Oh, shut it, Tubby,” Token says, opening a can as he does so. “You’ve done that locking people up in the bathroom for like a hundred times now. Everybody who’s been locked up already presumes it’s you.” 

“B-but y’all have to admit Eric’s plan is still effective t-than this girly girl’s plan will ever be,” Butters says in defense to the fat boy sitting across from him. “I mean, people think Eric’s some kind of a cupid.” 

“Thanks, Butters. You’re the one who can only understand me.” Cartman beams. Ever since Bradley returned to wherever he came from a week ago, Cartman and Butters retuned to being ‘friends’ or whatever they were in the first place and Cartman is more than pleased by that. Of course he knows that Butters and Bradley are still keeping in touch through the social media but small things like getting rid of his ‘rival’ physically should still account for his shrewd happiness. 

Craig snorts at how the fatass and Butters stare at each other, while Kenny opens his third can of beer. 

“I actually want Cartman’s plan far better than this,” Kenny says, hoodie gone because of the heat of the room. “Seriously, why do I have to get involved? I already know Stan’s desire to fuck Kyle senseless; don’t want to really see the gayness live.” 

It is Clyde who snorts this time as he pointedly looks at Craig then to Kenny then to Craig again. Craig glares at him. 

“Because, Kinny, it would be too obvious if they only see me.” 

“How true is that,” Kenny agrees with a roll of his eyes.” 

“AND, after we finished our little mission with our two little friends, we head to Scott’s room next to mine and beat him to death. Then we can blame it on the alcohol the morning after.” 

“LET IT GO!” they chorus with deep frustration. 

“Like heck I am. You’re my friends and you’re supposed to help me.” 

“We will, Eric!” says Butters determinedly. 

“Now we wait for Stan and Kyle. It’s about time they arrive anyway.” 

They wait for 15 minutes, then 30, then an hour, a two. Token and Kenny are already knocked out cause of the beer and it was already midnight but no Stan and Kyle showing up. 

“Maybe they forgot?” Tweek offers. “Did you text them already?” 

“Oh, no, Tweek, maybe I didn’t text them because YOU’RE SO BLIND TO SEE THAT I’VE TEXTED FOR A HUNDRED TIMES NOW FOR THE PAST HOUR!” Cartman answers in fury. 

“Chill. No need to be angry. Here, I’ve brought a cold glass of lemon iced tea.” 

“I will throw that to your face then throw you off the balcony, Tweek, if you don’t shut up,” Cartman threatens. 

“Maybe they discovered your plan?” says Craig. 

“How did they discover about it, huh?” Cartman asks. 

“Someone told them, maybe?” 

“Don’t be fucking silly, Craig.” 

“Yeah, don’t be silly, Craig. There’s no way they would know our plan,” Butters seconds. 

Clyde suddenly speaks up, whilst looking to his phone: “They’re online.” 

They (the wake boys) all turned to him. “What?” 

“I said: they’re both online on Facebook.” 

“Well, then ask them why they’re not here. My mum bought all these beers just for us tonight. I can’t let them go for such rudeness.” 

So Clyde types in that question and they wait for a response. After a short while, Clyde’s expression turns livid. He shows his friends Stan’s reply: 

“S. Tenorman overheard your little plan and then told me. Srsly, fuck you guys.” 

Then Kyle’s reply comes next: “Nice. Going on behind us. How very mature. Expected more from you.” 

They stared on the little screen for some long moments until Butters speaks up. 

“So, are they gonna pull a Larry Stylinson and start avoiding each other from now on? Cause we all know Larry is real. Right, guys? Right?” 

“FUCKING GINGER. I WILL KILL HIM! NO ONE STOPS ME!” Cartman shouts and quickly leaves the room to the room beside. 

No one bothered to follow except for dear Butters. Everyone is sleepy and tired. 

They heard commotions Cartman yell: “The fuck is you eavesdropping to my room, you faggoty ginger!” 

Scott cheekily replies: “Brighten up, chubby. That’s still the least of the things I can do to sabotage your plan and your life.” 

Cartman anwers: “I will massacre you. I will make you eat your dick this time! I will traumatize yo—” 

Scott cuts him: “Trust me. Accidentally catching you masturbating is already traumatizing.” 

There is a loud thud. Then Scott screams. “Liane! Your son is choking me!” 

If it wasn’t for Craig’s drowsiness, he would find that all very funny. 

A night wasted. Yep. It fucking sucks. 

Tweek and Clyde lies down on Cartman’s bed. Amidst the commotion in the next room, they start to doze off. But because of the noises, Kenny starts to wake up. 

“Are Stan and Kyle here now?” he asks with a yawn. 

“No. they won’t be coming tonight. And I think you will owe them a lot of explanations tomorrow. Else you won’t be friends anymore,” Craig explains. 

“Damn. What is that noise? Who’s shouting?” 

“That would be Cartman trying to kill his brother.” 

“Oh.” 

Kenny looks out to the direction of the balcony, as if seeing someone there. Craig remembers that time, that second time he witnesses Kenny’s death when the blonde boy sees something or someone invisible. The same cold drop of the atmosphere can be felt. Craig’s heart drops. 

Kenny stands up from the floor. “Gotta go.” 

Craig quickly rises and takes a hold of the blonde’s wrist. “There’s nothing even trying to kill you now!” 

Kenny looks bored. That makes it even more infuriating. “No. But if you see him (he points to the balcony), you know you’re screwed up anyway. I might as well jump now from the terrace to end the anxiety.” 

“I don’t want you to go.” 

If Kenny looks stunned, he quickly hides it with a smile. “Dude, I’m flattered but –” 

“Where to?” 

“Huh?” 

“Where are you going this time?” he demands. 

“Hell. Damien is waiting for me.” 

“Don’t go to him. Stay here with me,” Craig pleads. It’s embarrassing. But like what Cartman had said, he can blame it on the alcohol the morning after, right? 

“I don’t have a choice,” Kenny replies patiently. But, oh my, is he blushing? It makes Craig bolder. 

“You have me. At least… at least you won’t need to die should you want to see me.” 

Kenny bites his lip then smiles wryly. “Well, not really. You know Damien starts schooling with us tomorrow.” 

Craig wants to punch Kenny for being such a mood ruiner. Just as when he’s ready to come clear. And it doesn’t help that the alcohol is getting into his systems. He drops Kenny’s wrist in spite and growls, “Fuck you then, McCormick.” 

The boy’s eyes widen. “What did I do?” 

Craig shoves him in the chest which makes the shorter boy stumble backward. “Fuck off. Go to hell if that’s what you want. Go and fuck your Damien Thorn, as if he would be good for you,” he says and continues to push Kenny away. 

“Dude, stop!” the blonde boy yells. 

Kenny tries to fight him off but it was until they reach the balcony that Craig stops in his actions. 

He grits out, “You want to be with him? Jump off from here? How about I help you instead?” And with one final shove Kenny falls off. It was at this that Craig recovers his senses and is able to register the flash of a betrayed and confused look on Kenny’s face before he drops to the ground. 

There is a sound of a body hitting the cemented ground below, sound of bones crashing, sounds of crickets in the deep of the night, sound of an ongoing fight in the next room, of the snores of his sleeping friends, of his bated breath. He’s suddenly so weak. 

Shit. Shit. 

What did he do? 

Does he dare to look below from the balcony and see the result of his crime? See the dead body of the boy he’s extremely attracted to? The fuck. 

He takes a shaking step forward, then another shaking one, and then he looks down. Rats and mice are already feasting over Kenny’s body. Oh God, his eyes are still open in shock. There is blood trickling from his mouth. His neck is twisted in an angle so cringing to look upon. His body is splayed open and there is a pool of blood forming underneath it. Blood also makes his blonde hair red. 

Oh shit. He killed Kenny. He’s a bastard. 

He does not know if he can still blame that incident to the alcohol, or how should he face the consequences of his mistake. The rest of the night, he curls up in the corners of the terrace, crying and repeating in whispers, “What have I done?”


	7. Chapter 7

The day after went on like this: the group of friends woke up and see Craig curled up and rocking himself back and forth like a maniac in the balcony; they see no trace of Kenny and assumed he’s onto his disappearing acts again; they find out that Cartman is grounded for a week when he almost killed Scott, and, as an added punishment from Liane, tied to the ginger by the waist like a conjoint twin, which they all find to be extremely funny; remembered the deal between them and Stan and Kyle then said, “Fuck it”; then they went straight to school despite the hangover, reeking of alcohol, and even though they had already missed their first to third classes; all these in between Butters not wanting to leave Cartman and Craig muttering repeatedly, “I killed him” like a total psycho. 

“Keep your shit together, man!” Clyde snaps at Craig during their class together before lunch break. 

“But I killed him,” Craig says again for possibly the 315th time. “Would he even forgive me?” 

Clyde is getting irritated. “Who? Who did you kill?” 

“Kenny.” 

“Oh, right. Because we totally just saw Kenny by his locker with that new kid earlier. No luck. Who did you kill? Did you hide the body properly?” 

“I said, I killed Kenny. And I don’t know how to face him.” 

Clyde narrows his eyes at his friend. “Are you using drugs? You can tell me, you know.” 

“No, I am not.” 

“Mr. Donovan and Mr. Tucker, care to share what the two of you are talking about?” Mrs. Berger says, suddenly materializing in front of them, face bearing a menacing smile. “I hope whatever it is; it can contribute to our lesson today. What is it?” 

“Nothing much. Just Craig being a weirdo,” Clyde answers. 

Mrs. Berger starts to say something, but then she stops to sniff in the air, then closely to them. “What’s this? Have you two been drinking?” 

“No, ma’am. That’s just our new body perfume,” Clyde answers again. 

“You’re drunk!” the teacher shrieks. 

“Actually, we’re sober now,” Craig deadpans. “With only little hangover.” 

Clyde turns to him. “Oh, really? You’re sober, Craig? Because it looks like you’re still in your fantasy wherein you killed Kenny.” 

“You two, DETENTION!” the teacher yells. “And get out of the room. You’ll contaminate the air!” 

Craig flips her off along with the students watching them as they leave the room. 

“Great!” Clyde says sarcastically when they are in the hallway. “Another detention. I’m sure my parents would be proud of me.” 

Craig just stays silent. They walk aimlessly in the hallway, undecided where to kill the time before lunch break. 

Then they stumbled upon Wendy who looks terribly upset. 

“Craig, have you seen Stan or Kyle?” 

“Not now, missy,” Clyde tells her off. “We’ve been in trouble because of your stupid mission.” 

“And I think they kind of hate us now,” Craig adds. “They find out about your plan.” 

“I know!” Wendy says. “Cartman called me this morning. We need to figure something out.” 

“Please leave us out of that!” Clyde begs. 

“The two of you promised!” 

“Yeah, well. Look what happened. Instead of Craig fantasizing Kenny, we have Craig fantasizing of killing him. And I was close to accepting he’s gay. See how messed up all these are.” 

“You promised! We have a deal!” 

Clyde and Wendy argue some more. Craig drowns them out because of boredom and an incoming headache. He looks around to the other busy students. As he watches more of them pass by, the thought that technically he’s a murderer enters his mind. Shit. Would he be charged for it? Even though his ‘victim’ came back to life, would he still be accountable for the crime. Fucking hell, forget that. He needs to talk to Kenny. Why did he push him off the balcony, anyway? What was he thinking? This jealousy is getting out of hand. And where is Wendy in all of these? She’s supposed to help him, too. 

Amidst the passing students, Craig can’t help but notice a figure: Damien Thorn swarmed by the ladies. It seemed only yesterday when Damien was rejected on his first day in South Park Elementary. Turned out all he needed was to hit puberty and, boom, all raging hormones of the female population will be directed at him. Freaking bitches. 

Damien does not look amused, though. Craig wonders why (that’s sarcasm. Craig knows that the son of the devil is looking for a certain boy in an orange parka hood but, surprise surprise, said boy is not there with him. Serves him right). 

Suddenly, Kenny is passing right in front of him. If only Craig is a seconds late in his reaction, he wouldn’t have caught Kenny’s attention. But he did call out quickly. “Kenny!” 

Kenny takes one look at him, and then resumes his walk to the canteen alone. 

Ignored. He is blatantly ignored. He is not expecting that. 

He is so screwed. 

2 

For the next couple of days, Wendy draws more plans to get Stan and Kyle to hook. She gets more and more determined every day while the boys and some of her friends are forced to listen. They wonder why she is so caught up with this mission, so blinded by it that she cannot the troubles her friends are going through. For example, Craig with Kenny. With each passing day that Kenny avoids Craig, he is seen more frequently with Damien. It greatly irks him to say the least. 

Example number 2, Cartman. His mother had demanded him to spend more time with Scott so they would get along. And by demanded, it means locking Cartman and Scott up in a room every day for three hours to facilitate forced interactions. 

Third example is Clyde Donovan going through more detentions that upsets his parents. 

So, in all seriousness, why is Wendy still bothering? Besides, can’t she see that with the exposure of her mission, Stan and Kyle are not acting like themselves anymore? They are avoiding their friends plus, obviously, each other in fear that whatever they do, their friends will interpret it as something romantic. They have not interacted ever since, nor seen together. It’s counterproductive, it’s what it is. 

No one is making any progress. 

3 

No one, that is, until one night Craig says to himself ‘Fuck it. I have to see Kenny and apologize’, then goes on his merry way to the McCormick household. 

He picks up a pebble and aims for the window in Kenny’s room. 

The glass shatters in pieces. There is a loud shout, “Fucking hell!” coming from the room. Then Kenny’s head appears out the window. He looks angry. Craig just stares at him blankly. 

“You broke my window,” Kenny seethes. 

“I need to tell you something,” Craig says calmly. 

Kenny scoffs then retreats inside. Craig takes that as an okay signal. He climbs up the wall by the water pipe then jumps inside Kenny’s room. 

Kenny is sitting by his study desk, appearing to have been working on some school assignments before Craig came. 

Craig inspects the room. Clean and tidy but obviously lacking of luxury. The paint is old and tattered, so are the bed and the bureau. And Craig is more than sure that the computer in Kenny’s desk was bought in a sale or maybe even donated by a charity foundation. There are posters of naked women on the walls. The floor is creaking. Still, Craig came here not to judge. He settles to sit on the bed beside the study desk where Kenny is sitting. 

“I’ll pay for the window,” Craig says. 

“Of course you have to,” Kenny retorts, obviously in distress. 

“I will.” 

“What did you come here to talk about?” 

There it goes. “I came here to apologize for… for pushing you off the balcony and killing you.” 

Kenny turns livid. He looks real angry. He pouts. 

And maybe now is not the time to think that Kenny looks real cute when he does that but sue Craig for thinking so anyway. He has not seen Kenny up close for days! 

“I’m sorry I killed you,” Craig repeats sincerely. “And maybe I deserved it when you keep ignoring me for days but… can’t I still ask for forgiveness?” 

“Why did you that anyway?” Kenny asks. “And don’t you dare say, ‘Well you came back to life so what’s the problem?’ Don’t say that or else I will kill you.” 

Craig winces. “Well… the alcohol…” Prompt the cowardice. Craig looks down to his hands. It’s freaking embarrassing. 

“Seriously, I was not expecting that from you. We are friends and yet you…” he trails off. 

Craig looks up and sees Kenny looking really hurt. He feels guiltier than ever. 

“I’m really sorry…” 

“Forget it,” Kenny says with a tired smile. “You don’t need to say sorry anymore. I’m just hurt, you know. I mean, did I do something bad to you that made you push me? Do you hate me or something?” 

“No, it’s not that!” Craig quickly replies. Stupid Kenny.Very stupid Kenny. 

“Then what is?” 

“I like you, okay? Like, extremely like you.” There. He said it. It was not really romantic but at least. He doesn’t need Wendy anymore. He said it and Kenny will reciprocate it and be with him then they will marry and have a dozen babies (or adopt a hundreds of baby guinea pigs, if that’s okay) and be a one big happy family. The end. 

Or so how he wishes. 

Kenny just stares at him blankly, and then tilts his head to a side. “Excuse me? Can you repeat that? I may have misheard.” 

Craig reddens. But he is determined to clear that once and for all, so he repeats. “I like like you. Like I want to be your boyfriend or something. Or have babies with y--” 

“Alright, stop. Stop!” Kenny waves his hands frantically in the air. “Dude, are you gay?” 

“Fuck, no. I just happen to like you, idiot.” 

“Well that makes you gay.” 

Craig rolls his eyes. “Fine. I’m gay but only for you. Happy?” 

“No! So you pushed me off the balcony because you can’t accept that you’re gay for me? Is that it? That doesn’t make any sense.” 

“That’s not it.” Craig takes a deep breath and tries to explain patiently. “Honestly, that night, I don’t know what came over me. It’s unacceptable but… I guess I’m just pressured. For goodness’ sake, I am competing with the son of the devil for your attention. You have to admit, if you’re in my position you would find it all a bit overwhelming as well. Especially since you two are already close. I got really jealous and messed up.” 

Again, Kenny is cocking his head to the side. “Excuse me?” 

Craig grunts in slight annoyance. “Damien!” 

“What is Damien got to do with this?” 

“You can’t seriously be that dense, Kenny. That boy is obviously into you.” 

“No, he’s not.” Kenny sputters in his words. 

“He is. Ask him.” 

“And what would I say? ‘Dude, Damien, do you like me like my idiot of a friend told me?’” 

“I do,” says a voice not belonging to either of them that they both jump when they heard it. They turned to the door and sees in amazement Damien Thorn leaning by the frame comfortably. He is smirking. 

“Like what your ‘idiot of a friend’ told you, I find myself quite attracted to you, Kenny,” Damien says. 

Craig tries to give him a warning look but fails to get the message across as the newcomer only has his eyes on Kenny. 

“Well, shit,” Kenny mutters finally after some moments of silence. He grabs his phone and his parka hood and starts his way to the door. 

“Where are you going?” Craig asks, following him. 

“Get me some girls to have sex with tonight. No offense, you two are hot but you’re making me feel like I’m some heroine of a cheap chick-flick movie and that’s really annoying and ultra gay. I like boobs and vaginas, understand. You two are fit and I’m heterosexual and this entire scenario is not definitely giving me a hard-on, promise. Hey!” 

In a wink, the phone in Kenny’s hand catches on fire. Kenny drops it immediately. Craig is grateful for Damien’s powers for that. But in the mean time, he grabs Kenny and hurls him in the bed. He hovers over him there and pins his arms to his sides to prevent any escape. 

“You’re not going anywhere tonight, McCormick.” 

Kenny gives him a death glare. 

Then Damien sits on the bed beside Kenny’s head and actually starts to brush the blonde’s hair gently and repeatedly. “You’re not going to have sex with any girl, as well,” Damien says with a sweet smile. 

And that is the exact moment when Karen McCormick opens the door and sees his brother in that situation. The three boys freeze. 

“Karen! I’m a good boy! This is not who I really am. Help me!” Kenny pleads. 

But Karen only blinks at his brother before saying, in all genuine kindness, “I’ll turn the TV louder so Daddy and Mommy wouldn’t hear. Goodnight, Kenny, Craig, Damien.” Then she closes the door and leaves. 

Kenny wants to cry. He wants to kill the two other boys as well. 

That was one heck of a long night. Set your worries aside, however, as that night was solely spent on discussing the matters and ended with a fist fight between Craig and Damien.


	8. Chapter 8

“Oi, Kinny, why are you so gay? Why did you bring your boyfriend ‘ha?” asks Cartman during lunch. 

“Mmmmmh…. Mmmmmmphmmmphmhmp. Mmmph mpph!” answers Kenny with a flip of his middle finger. Beside him, Damien whistles in amusement. 

“Hey! Don’t call my mother a whore, you rat-ass poor fag!” Cartman yells back. 

“Don’t call him poor, Fatass,” Craig, who is sitting on Kenny’s other side, says. 

“But Kinny’s poor!” 

“And your mom’s a cracking whore.” 

Cartman reddens in anger. “Okay. That does it. Kinny, if you don’t kick your boyfriend out from this table—” 

“Wait,” Craig says. “You think I’m Kenny’s boyfriend and not Damien? Okay. We’re cool then. Chill.” 

Kenny hits Craig’s head. 

At this, Cartman just stares at them silly. Then he bursts out laughing. The laugh, however, is hysterical. And then he starts crying. Real tears. “Why the fuck are all my friends gay? What have I done wrong? I want to go home.” 

“Mmmmh… Mmmmph… Mmmmphhmph. Mmhph.” 

Cartman is annoyed. “Pfft. Do you actually believe that Stan or Kyle is not? I mean, Stan may or may not be, but Kyle is a Jew and a Daywalker and an asshole so he could be gay as well.” 

“Fuck you, Cartman!” Kyle yells from the far side of the canteen where he is sitting with Butters and Tweek. Stan, Clyde and Token, sitting on the canteen’s another far side, watches all of them warily. 

“How the hell did he hear that?” Cartman asks in wonder. 

“Mmmmph. Mmmph, mmmphhh, mmphhhmph, hmp,” Kenny mutters, upset. And who could blame him? He knows that going on behind Stan and Kyle’s back and planning something stupid for them is wrong, but to go as far as to avoid their friends and actually separate the group as their retaliation? That is really unfair. As if they are not men enough to just talk this through. Though, he cannot blame them entirely when after all this time Wendy has not given up, blogging about ‘evidences’ and whatnot like a delusional fan of a TV show. He so does not want to be part of this. 

“I know how you feel, Kinny,” Cartman says sympathetically. “Before I can rip on Stan and Kyle for being gay now, I only have you. And I’m getting really bored and tired of thinking ‘poor’ jokes, Kinny. It’s your fault for still being poor.” 

2 

The ‘big-boned’ boy, even though running out of ‘poor’ jokes for Kenny, still has no choice but to stick with him. Butters is really out of the question since his stinking Jew of a friend forced (yes, he is more than convinced Kyle used force) Butters to stay with him. Why else would Butters stay with Kyle? Cartman is his best friend, not him. Cartman is a better friend. Kyle’s best friend is Stan, not Butters. Butters is his, dammit (and no, he is not gay. Keep your opinions to yourselves). 

It is still Kyle’s fault that Cartman is stuck with Kenny and his boyfriend and that demon that follows them along. Those three are boring people. Like, really boring. They just wanted to hang out by the Stark’s pond to shoot some ducks. They are doing that again as of the moment. Cartman just watches them grumpily from the bench, and he can’t be bothered to listen to whatever the hell they are talking about. Honestly, he also can’t be bothered to find out what made Kenny suddenly want to hang out with those. Whatever the reason is, Catman is sure it’s Kyle’s fault. 

“Kinny!” he calls out, finally, after an hour wasted from his Saturday. 

“Mmmh?” 

“Let’s go hang out with Stan. I heard he bought a new PS4 console. You know, like, that would be cool?” 

“Stan hates us, remember?” Craig interrupts. 

Cartman huffs in annoyance. “Excuse me. Stan would never hate Kinny and me. We are his real best friends. He may hate the rest of you but not us.” 

“Then how come he hangs out with Token and Clyde and not with you?” Damien asks this time. 

Cartman has no answer to that. So Kenny, Craig and Damien return to shooting ducks and ignored Cartman. Cartman is at the end of his patience when he finally realized he has a choice to stay with Kenny or not. Kenny is a poor idiot. Meanwhile Stan is a cool guy and Stan owes Cartman a great lot and Stan is also Cartman’s best friend. So Cartman rises from his seat and says, “Fuck you, Kinny. You’re a shitty friend. I’m going to my best friend Stan!” 

Off he goes to the Marsh household. To ensure he can get a hold of Stan’s good side, he even stops by the City Wok and orders a takeaway of City Beef. He also kicks Pip Pirrup’s ass to an open sewer when he happened to see him by the road. After that he knows he will have a good day. 

How disappointed and angry he is, then, when Stan won’t let him in his house. He reasons he found out from Clyde that he is the first to agree with Wendy’s plans. 

“What plan?” Cartman asks innocently, still standing by the doorstep because Stan is freaking blocking the door. 

“You know what plan!” Stan exclaims. 

Cartman thinks really hard. “I really don’t know what you are talking about, Stan. Why are you being so cold all of a sudden?” 

“Fuck’s sake, Cartman, get out! I don’t want to see any of you.” 

Cartman sighs. “Stan, if you don’t want to hang out with us anymore, you can talk to us, instead of making up stories, while you’re with those losers, no less.” 

“They apologized to me! Unlike the rest of you.” 

“Apologize for what? I don’t even know what we did wrong!” Cartman retorts. 

“Just leave, Cartman,” says Stan in a measured voice. 

“Geez, you’re being such a wuss. Replacing your friends like that without any reason at all. Come on, Stan, you’re better than that. You’re not like that. You’re a cool guy. How about this? I call Kinny and Kyle right now and we spend our good times together like before… like nothing happened, if that’s what you want.” 

Finally, Stan considers the proposal. He even seemed to calm himself a little. 

“Like nothing happened? You sure about that?” he asks carefully. 

“Uh-huh. Trust me on that, Stan.” Cartman smiles reassuringly. Stan steps back to allow his friend to walk through the door. “Like before,” he continues. “We can have our awesome adventures again. We can rip on Kinny for being poor and you can treat me like a god, like before. Why, you and Kyle could even kiss and do ultra gay stuffs and Kinny and I won’t tell anyone a word.” 

Stan grows cold. He grips Cartman’s arm. “Get out. You’re not welcome here.” 

Wincing, Cartman asks with confusion. “What did I say wrong?” 

“GET OUT!” 

“FINE!” Cartman says and dumps the shitty City Beef to a side. “Fuck you, Stan. You’re not a good friend, anyway. You’re a whiny crybaby! And if Token and Clyde turn out to be shitty just like you, don’t come running to us because you deserve it. Fuck you and suck my balls!” 

He storms out. 

After that, he is not sure where to go next. He tried staying at Jimmy’s but after he offered to help Jimmy with a joke he’s writing, he was rudely asked to go away. No one wants to hang out with him. Kenny is with his boyfriend (and their tag-along demon), Butters is with the villain, Chef is long dead, and Wendy is a girl. So he just went home. 

He is locked in the same room with Scott (an activity that is ongoing for two weeks now). And while Scott keeps giving him verbal abuse, his mind is drifting elsewhere. He tries to come up with a plan; plans of revenge to those who are treating him like a piece of shit when he is supposed to be treated like a god. He had tried being nice but now, oh no. They are abusing it. Now, they are going down. They shall wish they’ve treated him better and they shall wish they have never heard of the name Eric Cartman. Cartman will see that it will happen. 

3 

That same night, Cartman faces his computer and begins to write a book.


	9. Chapter 9

No one should ever trust Cartman; anybody with a brain knows that. He comes up with a crazy plan, he ruins your life. You should stop him from the start, if you ever start feeling that he’s up to no good. Would you see it coming? Yes, you would… if you keep a close eye on him. Would you see where he is coming from with all his wretched plans and gimmicks? No, he is retarded. Nothing would make sense. Your head would only hurt should you even try understanding his mind. 

And honestly, no other one in the whole of South Park knows that better than Kyle Broflovski. And no one in the whole of South Park hates Cartman the way Kyle hates him. He hates him. He hates him! He hates him when he rips on him for being a Jew, he hates him when he makes him kiss his ass, he hates him when he eats the chicken skin of every KFC fried chicken they buy, he hates him when he killed him with AIDS in his Christmas story, and he will hate him for the rest of his life. He hates him now, when that fat son of a bitch released a book in their school; a book accusing him of being everything Cartman hates: a Jew, a hippie, a ginger, a homosexual but a homophobic, etc. 

“Why We Need to Question Our School President” by Eric Cartman 

“It has come to my knowledge that our school president, Kyle Broflovski,” Kyle reads in Chapter 4 of the 322-page book, “is in denial of his sexuality. He often hangs out with our childhood friend, our star football player, Stan Marsh. They are intimate, and they are reaaaaaaaaally close. But when a brave girl in the name of Wendy Testaburger asked them what the fuck is going on between the two of them, both Kyle and Stan flipped out. They said they are not gay. 

“Our school is a free ground. This school houses all kinds of individuals, minorities if you will. Given the fact that we have LGBT students in our campus, isn’t it absurd and kind of insulting that our school president, who is supposed to support all kinds of people, downright denied his relationship with Stan and acted as if being in relationship with him is the most disgusting thing in the world? Kyle is either in denial or just plain homophobic, which I am afraid, makes him look more like an asshole given that he is with my very good friend Stan. 

“What kind of president is that? And even if there is a tiny-weenie microscopic chance that he is straight, why would he make it to a point that we notice he is not hanging out with Stan anymore? Why would he make a show that he is with Butters Stotch and Tweek Tweak (not helping his case, really)? Why would he hold hands with Sally Anderson in public? That bitch has herpes, for crying out loud! He would rather have herpes than be gay? What an insult, right? 

“If, in any odd case, anyone of you has forgotten, Kyle is a Jew…” 

There are more. Bloody hell, there are more. But Kyle’s eyes are already blurred with tears of anger. What has he done to Cartman this time? What? He was in the right. What they were doing was wrong. They shouldn’t have planned to set up Stan and Kyle like that. They shouldn’t. 

Is this another of Wendy and Cartman’s plans? Because this is not definitely working. He hates them now more than ever. He thought he could never hate a girl but damn yes, he hates Wendy. And look, they even made them like the bad guy. Bullshit. If they wanted to help then they should stop it. Stan is very stubborn. He is the one that would never admit. Kyle knows. Why, he has been waiting for him all this time too. Now they’ve ruined it. 

2 

As calmly as he can let himself muster, he marches on to Cartman’s booth that day where the fat boy is having his book signing. He then asks him to stop selling his books. 

“Why? Can’t I have my opinions be heard?” Cartman challenges. 

“Just take your books and go away,” Kyle says. 

“Stop ordering me around, Kyle,” Cartman says. Students are starting to gather around them to watch. At the corner of his eyes, he can see Kenny, his boyfriend Damien and the tag-along Craig arrive to also witness the scene. 

“This is not an order just from me. The principal also wants you to keep your filthy books and opinions to yourself,” Kyle says boldly. He’s had enough. 

Cartman leans back easily to his chair and smugly says, “Truth hurts, huh?” 

The crowd roars in support of Cartman. 

Bastards, Kyle thinks grimly. Freaking, fucking, no-good bastards. 

Suddenly, he sees Stan passes by. He comes from the library, with Clyde and Token in tow. He sees the crowd and Kyle knows Stan sees him, too, and he knows he’s taken in the ordeal. He also knows he’s read the book. Everybody in the school has. 

He wonders what Stan would do. 

“What you’ve written in the book is not the truth,” Kyle says to the still smug boy in the booth before him. “You just made that all up to make money.” 

“You’re making me a liar?!” Cartman asks in disbelief. 

“I’m not making you a liar. You are already one ever since.” 

“You’re a stinking Jew!” 

“MMmmmpph, mmphp,” Kenny suddenly says in Kyle’s defense. Kyle smiles at his friend gratefully. 

“Go away, Kinny. Stan!” he calls to the boy. “Come over here! Clear things up for us, please. Are you… No. Were you in relationship with our school president?” 

“Yes. Tell us! Is he really homophobic?” some students ask. 

Kyle looks down to the ground, whilst Stan just exchanges looks with Token and Clyde. “Let’s get out of here, guys,” he says and leaves. 

Kyle frowns at that. What a douche. He felt betrayed. 

“See, guys. Kyle must have hurt Stan’s feelings so he’s like that,” Cartman is saying. “Not just hurt him, insulted him too. He is going out with Sally Anderson, a girl with herpes. And don’t forget he is also a hippie. Read Chapter 2 of my book for more details about that. And did I forget to mention that he’s a Jew and he hasn’t watched Mel Gibson’s The Passion? That’s the most important part.” 

Blah blah blah. School president or not school president, Kyle is having enough. He will cut this piggie’s throat. 

“FUCK YOU, CARTMAN!” he finally yells and lunges at him. 

There is a wild commotion. He is having success on choking his nemesis’ throat. Cartman is trying to push him back, and someone is pulling him from Cartman (one look and he sees it’s Butters) but it is of no avail. He will kill this anti-Semitic, homophobic, fat psychopath. He is killing him. That Cartman would die. Finally. Hallelujah! 

Then suddenly, when Cartman is on the verge of death, teachers came and pulled Kyle from him. He is so close. 

The next moments are a blur. All Kyle knows is that he is in the principal’s office, getting a lecture from the teachers and Principal Montez. He dimly hears them telling him he will be forced to step down the school president’s position for trying to kill a boy in public; that the poor boy is in the hospital right now; and they are all very disappointed at him. Lastly, he was told that Wendy Testaburger will take over his place. 

He leaves the school, feeling down. Where did go wrong in his life? Does he really deserve this? If only Stan is not this selfish prick. If only Stan agreed to talk what is really going on between them like what Kyle hinted for them to do like a hundred times before. Maybe it would have been better if Kyle did the first move. He always does so anyway. 

Kyle shuts his eyes tight and groans. For now, he needs to stop thinking about that. If anything, he should feel better about himself for finally strangling Cartman. He was not killed, but he is in the hospital. Not bad. That definitely would go to Kyle’s Accomplishments in this Mundane World. 

He takes the long walk home and is nearing his house when he stumbles upon Butters and Tweek. He waves at them, they wave back quite politely. Then he notices Butters holding that book that Cartman wrote. 

“Please, get rid of that, Butters,” he says. 

“I can’t,” says Butters firmly. 

“Why?” 

“Eric told me to read this for him in bed, y’know. I’ll visit him in the hospital. Now, I know what you’re thinking, Kyle. And I have to tell you that I am also awfully disappointed by what Eric has done. But he’s still my friend and I have to be there for him.” 

“Unbelievable,” Kyle says. “Why would Cartman want you to read that thing for him, anyways?” 

“Well, you know. He said he wants to review his masterpiece.” 

“Un-fucking-blievable. You’re going with him, too, Tweek?” 

“Well, I originally planned to. But you look pissed and… Man, don’t give me that look. That’s too much pressure!” Tweek says. 

“You don’t have to go with me now,” Butters tells him. “Kyle also needs a friend too at this moment. We heard you’re not the school president anymore, Kyle. We’re awfully sorry for you, too. Well, I need to go now. Oh, before I go. Here Kyle, a letter from Cartman. He only texted me this and I wrote it down on paper for more dramatic effect. Here. He told me to bring this message to you. See ya!” He hops merrily away. 

Kyle quickly rips open the pink envelope. He and Tweek read it. 

“If you’re a good friend, warn every one you know and love. This is just the step one of my super cool plan, bitch.”


	10. Chapter 10

Again, Saturday. For three weeks in a row now, it was spent with Clyde and Token. But now Stan admits that he is getting uncomfortable with them, as he knows that they are too with him. They are not his usual pals, he is not theirs. And possibly they are not used to hearing someone whine about life so much as he does. (In Stan’s defense life really does suck monkey balls.) 

Token had already made an excuse to be with his glee club friends for the day wherein Stan had really no plans. He considered sending Clyde home just so he could be alone to mope a lot, when the chubby boy suggested visiting Cartman in the hospital. Stan hated the idea, but hey, Cartman is still a friend, and for sure Kyle won’t be there. After what Cartman pulled, for sure Kyle will be out of his sight for the next months or so. 

So Stan and Clyde takes a cab to Hell’s Pass. They reach there and found not one but a many visitors for their deemed psychopath friend. Butters is there, of course. So is Liane and Scott (who is just in a corner, obviously unhappy in the place). Kenny and Craig are also there. Kevin and Jimmy are, too. Lastly are Bebe and Red. 

Stan is surprised by the number of visitors. He wonders if the world is fucking with him again, or is it really just that many people are concerned with Cartman and considers him a friend that is why they are there for him. 

“Stan!” Cartman calls hoarsely from his hospital bed, brace around his chubby neck. He opens his arms wide, and why, he looks really glad to see Stan. “You’re here to see me?” 

“Yes,” Stan answers, wanting to add ‘we are bored and have nothing else to do’ but opted ultimately not to. 

“Look, mommy. Stan is here to see me!” Cartman exclaims, and Stan raises an eyebrow. Right, this is getting weird. Why the hell is he so happy? I thought he’s mad at me? He turns to the rest of the people there with a confused expression. What gives? Albeit, the same confused expression is in their faces too. 

“That’s right. He’s here, muffins,” Liane answers his son. 

“How are you, Cartman?” Stan asks. 

“Oh, I’m all right now. Listen Stan, I finally realized that what I did was wrong –” 

“Finally, huh?” Craig quips. It makes Kenny giggle, which then makes Craig proud of himself. 

“Yes, Craig. Finally. What I did was wrong, I knew that now. I wish Kyle is here so I can say sorry.” 

“I told you, Eric,” Butters says. “Kyle can’t be here. The faculty decided to take this day to present Kyle in the tribunal.” 

Cartman looks at Stan. “I hope you know that I’ve never wanted that to happen to Kyle, Stan.” 

Clyde snorts. “What the hell do you want to happen? When you wrote that awful book…” he shuts up when Liane sends him a disapproving look. Stan, on the other hand, wants to give Clyde a pat on the back for that valid question. 

The boy lying on the hospital bed releases an exaggerated sigh. “Is that wrong, Clyde? All I wanted is to have a strong school president, one who is not affected by mere rumors.” 

“Actually, there was never a rumor about Stan and Kyle,” Bebe cuts in. “You brought that up. And I’m not bothered that Kyle is a Jew, anyway.” 

Cartman stares at her in disbelief. Then he asks, “Who the hell allowed you in here, Bebe?” 

“This is a public hospital, fatass,” Red says. 

“Meeeoooommmmm!” Cartman whines. 

At this, Liane promptly leads the two ladies out so as not to upset her son any more. Briefly, Stan questions himself why he’s here in the first place. He could be home, playing video games or doing his homework, and not here where he feels awkward to hear the name Kyle every time it is mentioned. Cartman clears his throat. 

“As I was saying, Stan, I’m terribly sorry for what happened to Kyle. I would like to apologize to him but he won’t speak to me…” 

Obviously, Stan thinks. 

“…so maybe, you can call him? Tell him to go here so we can talk?” 

Stan’s stomach drops. “Why me?” 

“Well, you’re his best friend, of course.” 

Stan looks around to the people in the hospital, all looking back at him expectantly (except for Scott who is still in the corner too focused on his smartphone). Wildly, he thinks that this is another ploy to romantically link him to his friend. He gapes. 

“I am not talking to him,” he says with finality. 

Cartman sputters. “Why the heck not, Stan? Why?” 

Cue the scrutinizing looks again with suspenseful music in the background. If Stan didn’t know better, he would think that this is a ploy for them to find out his stand regarding the issue on Kyle’s sexuality. 

“Because… because I can’t, okay? If I talk to Kyle, you would say that I’m doing that because we have a relationship, or something.” 

Cartman rolls his eyes. “Get over yourself, Stan. This is not about you, anymore. It’s about me wanting to apologize to my good friend Kyle Broflovski. I owe him that. He shouldn’t have been stripped down of his presidency. Not just because I don’t want Wendy Testaburger but also because Kyle deserves that position. I realize that now. So please, Stan. Let me talk to Kyle.” 

“Why don’t you ask Kenny?” 

“Mmmph,” Kenny agrees. 

“Wait, Kinny.” Cartman glares at his friend with the red poof-ball hat. “What is this, Stan? We just thought that you and Kyle have a thing then you are not speaking anymore? If you don’t really have a relationship, you know you can clear that up and we can all still be friends. Instead of behaving like this. You know, what you did – what the two of you did – you split up the group. You made Token and Clyde stay with you, like what Kyle did with Butters and Tweek. And where are we in the picture, Stan? Where are Kinny and I? The two of you left us alone.” 

“Well Kenny is obviously okay. He is happy with Craig, isn’t he?” he doesn’t mean that to sound accusing, (hell, he doesn’t even know what he means by that) but when it fell out of his mouth, it just kind of did. He ignores Craig raising his middle ginger and continues. “The two of you agreed with Wendy’s plans!” 

“Wendy made that assumption between you and Kyle in the first place and you did not correct her or us.” 

“I did! Every time she asks, I did!” Stan yells. 

“Yes, you denied it every time. You. Only you. But have you ever asked Kyle what does he feel?” 

“He’s not gay, dude.” 

“It’s not about being gay, Stan. And it’s not all about you. I’m the one who’s lying in the hospital bed right now, and I’m the one suffering. And all I want is to apologize to Kyle. And you won’t even give me that chance.” 

“Because you can ask him yourself. Or you can ask somebody else.” 

“Why, look. I wonder. If the rumors are not true, then why are you so affected? Perhaps, there is a truth in it after all.” 

“There isn’t!” 

“Prove it.” 

And again, there goes the suspenseful background music. Stan hates his life. He finally gives up. “Okay. Okay, I get it. I’ll talk to him.” 

“YEEEEEEEEEEYYYY!!!” All his friends cheer. “Y-y-yey!” Jimmy cheers. Their reactions are so stupid it makes Stan’s mouth drop open. 

“Seriously? Is this part of your and Wendy’s plan? Because if it is, I will—” 

“Ah ah ah,” Cartman warns and waves a finger. “You’re thinking that it’s about you again. That’s bad. Go get him. Get him, Stan. Get him for me.” 

Stan growls and walks out of the room, slamming the door behind him. 

2 

The thing is Stan knows he can just escape from there on. He can walk straight home. He could even lie and tell Cartman that he did try to contact Kyle but to no avail. However, he did see Cartman’s point from earlier. If what they assume about him and Kyle is not true, he should not act like he’s so affected and avoid Kyle. Kyle is still his best friend and didn’t they promise before that nothing can change that? 

So he did try calling his outspoken friend on his way home. The call was not received, and instead he got a text from Kyle asking him what he wants. 

‘Cartman wants to talk to you,’ Stan replies. 

A minute later, Kyle texts back: ‘Tell him to suck my dick.’ 

One cannot blame Stan for picturing that scenario. Just the idea that Kyle would let someone do that to him is more than enough to make Stan get irritated at his friends again and their stupid beliefs. 

Stan quickly shakes his head and dismisses the idea. He types in his phone, ‘Come on, dude. He said he wants to apologize.’ He hits send. 

‘Won’t accept it. Won’t forgive him ever,’ Kyle’s message reads. 

‘Well at least tell him that personally.’ 

‘I can’t. Not today. I’m in the school tribunal.’ 

Stan feels instantly sorry for his friend. ‘Sorry, dude,’ he texts. He got no reply. He realizes that, if all their friends are with Cartman, then Kyle must be alone in the school. Maybe Stan can go to him, then. Be like a good friend like he promised himself to be and be there for Kyle. Why, after the tribunal the two of them can finally talk things through, about what their friends think of them and whatnot. So he texts, ‘Are you okay? Should I go there?’ 

What he received makes him stop in his pace. ‘No, it’s okay. You don’t have to. Tweek is with me.’ 

All right. Tweek? TWEEK? Out of all the good looking guys they have for friends and out of all the people Kyle chose to make Stan jealous, he chooses Tweek Tweak? That goddamn ex-coffee-loving-now-iced-tea-obsessed trembling freak?! That does it. All rational explanations ignored, Stan stomps his way home. Cartman can keep on dreaming about his apology, Kyle can kiss his Tweek, and Stan is forever not gay. Curse the world. Never even mind the jealousy part. Stan does not know what jealousy did to Craig before; he does not need to know that, because he can handle that emotion just fine. Even though they tell him he’s so emotional and whiny (which he still is after all these years), he’s also a grown-up now. If Kyle is with Tweek, he thinks, then I’m saved from all these stupid rumors now. I’m safe. I’m free. I’ll be okay. 

There are many more things that Stan kept convincing himself with the rest of the day and up all night. What is there left to say? That all broken hearts can be healed by sweet lies to one’s self.


	11. Chapter 11

There’s a school dance coming next week. It has been announced a month before, and is prepared a month and fifteen days before by the council. That’s a school dance Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny have sworn to attend to with one another as they lack any motivations to ask any girl out. It is the school dance that Kyle spent most of his time planning before; to make sure everything will be awesome and grand. Now that he has been kicked out from the school presidency, however, he dreads the arrival of that stupid dance. He dreads it more when the faculty gave him community service as punishment, and all he was reduced to be is a cleaner of the school classrooms and handler of the flyers for the dance that he envisioned. Like a pathetic little homeless, other students stare at him awkwardly as they either take the flyer from his hand or avoid him altogether. 

Nothing can cheer Kyle up now. Even his social justice warrior of a mother, who took it upon herself to organize a committee that fights against expression of opinion after she saw what Cartman’s book did to her son. He seriously wishes his mother would just leave his case alone. He’s mature now. Surely, he can handle himself. And, really? Fight against freedom of expression? Good luck with that. 

And while Tweek is helping him hand the flyers in the school hallway, it does little to lighten his mood. Yes he is grateful for Tweek, but in all honesty, for him, someone helping him in his lowest point in life makes him more pitiful. 

Stan passes by him earlier, taking a flyer from Kyle’s hand, and makes a snide remark about how he and Tweek looks good together. That greatly irritates Kyle. So, what? Now that Kyle is not the president anymore, his sexuality is a huge issue for everyone and Cartman covered for Stan, Stan thinks he can pick on him, too? He flips Stan off when his back is turned from him. 

What made Kyle smile a little that day is when Kenny and Craig pass by him, with a little announcement that they would go to the dance together. Kenny talks to him excitedly how Craig asked him to the dance. It should have been embarrassing, given that there were roses and chocolates and guinea pigs and Ed Sheeran involved in the story, but Craig keeps his poker face. 

Kyle asks, “What about Damien?” For he always thought that if there is a slight chance Kenny would date another boy, it would be Damien. Craig flips him off but he doesn’t mind. 

“Mhphm hhm hhhmphm mhp,” Kenny answers with a shrug. 

“Oh, that sucks ass,” Kyle observes. “Still, good for you, Kenny.” 

“Phmhmm!” Kenny says, and he and Craig leave. 

He follows them with a gaze. If he is a little annoyed that people does not pay attention to them even though they are almost a gay couple now, while their attention is all on him because he is a known figure in school, he does not let it on. Kenny is happy, and Kyle needs to be a good friend. 

What made Kyle smile wide at the end of that day, finally, is when Cartman passes by him looking forlorn, frown distorting his face. Kyle is angry at the fat boy, but at times like this one must need to ask. 

“What’s the matter, fatass?” 

“Hmmph!” Cartman whines, arms folded. 

“What’s your problem?” Kyle asks again. 

Cartman looks at him, red in the face and looks like he’s about to cry. “Butters! He said he wants to go to that stupid dance with me. I told him, ‘No, Butters. That would be gay. We are not Stan and Kyle.’ But he insisted. So I agreed. Then… then I found out that he also asked Bradley… and… and he will go to the dance with him instead! He lied to meeeee!” 

Kyle raises an eyebrow. “Is that really what happened? Or YOU asked Butters to go with you but he declined because he’ll go with Bradley? You just twisted the story?” 

“What? Shut up, Jew. I’m not a liar. And I’m not gay!” 

“So you said.” 

“I don’t like you.” 

“I hate you.” 

“Fine!” Cartman huffs and tries to calm himself. He avoids Kyle’s stare. “Well, now that I’ve heard that Stan is going with Bebe, and Kenny is with Craig, we have no choice. We have to go to the dance together.” 

“Fuck off, fatass. I’m going with Tweek.” 

“WHAT?! But I’m your friend!” 

“No, you’re not. You ruined my life. You wrote that book.” 

“Fine! Whatever, Kyle. I don’t need you. I don’t need the lots of you. Be prepared for the step five of my super cool plan.” 

“Oh, that. I forgot to tell everybody of your ‘evil plan’. Sounds unimportant. You might want to inform them yourself.” 

Cartman is already shaking with fury. “I HATE YOU!” he exclaims and storms out. 

God is good, Kyle might say. He can still get on Cartman’s nerves, Tweek is going with him (as a loyal friend), Butters ultimately revenged for him against Cartman, and Cartman is in misery. And even if Kyle is in this state, at least he is not like Damien who has to help his father attack the gates of heaven and miss the school dance for it. There is no need for more validation that God is in the works. 

2 

“Do you think Kyle would be okay?” 

“I’ve talked to Tweek. He said they planned to go to the dance together. Not together together like a date but… you know.” Craig finishes with a shrug. 

Kenny continues to wash his hands while Craig watches him from behind. “Well, I couldn’t thank your friend Tweek enough for that. Did you know the four of us were planning to attend the dance with no date just for the fun of it?” 

Craig rolls his eyes. “You’ve told me a hundred times... before and after I asked you out.” 

Kenny finishes washing his hands and looks behind him to smile at the taller boy. “That I did. Was it a bore to you?” 

Again, Craig gives a shrug. His eyebrows are furrowed. “Hey. You didn’t agree to go with me to the dance just because Damien is unavailable, right?” 

“No. I agreed because Ed Sheeran told me to.” 

“I’m being serious, Kenny.” 

Kenny laughs at that. “You’re being silly, Craig. Of course, I wanted to go with you to the dance. Even if Damien asked me, I’ll go with you.” 

The taller of the two nods in satisfaction. He then takes a small step towards the blonde boy, then another small step, then another, until he crowds his space. Kenny only tilts his head up so he can see his face, his own covered in a mirthful smile. He is giggling like an idiot, while Craig still keeps a straight face on. He still laughs, even though his heart is beating fast. Then Craig cups the back of his neck, closes his eyes, Kenny following suit, and he closes the gap between them, and kisses the living daylights out of the McCormick boy. Kenny releases a breath in between the kiss and it makes Craig shiver a little. Craig tugs the shorter boy’s hair with his other hand which then elicits a moan from Kenny. Kenny, who doesn’t know what to do with his own hands, decides to just hold Craig by the waist. There is suddenly something tightening inside his pants, and he feels Craig getting hard as well. Surely the school bathroom is no place for this, Kenny thinks wildly, someone could walk in at any moment. Like now. 

“JESUS, WHAT THE FUCK?!” someone says. 

Craig and Kenny break apart. 

Stan is standing before them, eyes wide in horror and mouth gape open. “Jesus, Kenny. What are you doing?!” 

Craig grunts in annoyance, and shots Stan a middle finger. Kenny manages a laugh even though deeply embarrassed and he even gives a little wave to Stan. 

“B-but… how… you… the two of you… Kenny, you like girls, right? Right? What were you doing? Why are you—” he looks like he wants to puke and Kenny frowns at that. 

“Go away, asshole,” Craig says. 

“No! You look like you two are about to have sex, and—” 

“Dude, we’re just kissing,” Kenny says. 

Stan is not listening. “And this is the school bathroom, and… oh my God. OH MY GOD!” 

“Get over it, Stan. It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve seen two dudes kiss. What about the time we saw Brokeback Mountain together?” 

“That’s different, Kenny!” Stan yells. 

“You watched Brokeback Mountain with him?” Craig asks in disbelief. 

“It was for an English report,” Kenny says in dismissal. “I slept through most of it, anyway. Only woke up to see Anne Hathaway’s boobs.” 

“That’s different, Kenny,” Stan says again. “You’re not supposed to be with Craig.” 

At that, Craig clenches his fist to knock the Marsh boy out with. But Kenny quickly grabs him and they let themselves out of the toilet to the school backyard outside, leaving Stan alone. Craig wanted to go back to knock some sense to Stan’s head, but Kenny pinches his ear and tells him not to make matters worse as he is sure Stan is going through a lot right now. 

“He doesn’t have to be a total asshole while going through whatever his problem is,” Craig says. Kenny just gives him a sympathizing look. 

“He’s still sorting out his feelings for Kyle, see,” Kenny explains, suddenly becoming sad. “He needs to get through that, or else… Or else the four of us might not get back together for good.” 

Craig sees the expression on his face. He pulls Kenny to his arms and holds him tight. “Don’t go home tonight. Sleep at mine’s,” he whispers to his ear. 

“Why?” Kenny asks against the fabric of Craig’s shirt. 

“Because why not?” 

Kenny smiles. “Okay.” 

3 

The truth is, Stan doesn’t even know what was wrong in seeing Craig and Kenny together. He doesn’t know what makes him feel – think – that there is something wrong with that. Kenny is happy; Stan is supposed to be contented with that. He’s his friend. Craig is a douche but overall he’s a good friend too. Sure, Craig has had a relationship with Tweek before but that’s long over now. Craig is with Kenny and Tweek is with Kyle. Is it because they are two boys? Stan is not homophobic but… he’s straight and somehow it just feels weird to think that one (or a great many) of his friends is homosexual. It feels even weirder that people accuse him that he is one. Now he is just lost. He doesn’t want to deal with what people think of him and he doesn’t want to deal with what people think of him and Kyle. 

But seeing Craig and Kenny kiss is just so… disturbing? He doesn’t know what to feel about that. Maybe because they are his two friends? 

He goes home that late afternoon, just wanting to lie down on his bed and sleep through his confusions. He walks across the living room to the stairs, and then sees his father hunched on the sofa, solving a crossword puzzle, a timer beside him on the seat. Apparently, Randy and his friends are onto a ridiculous bet again on who can solve the most puzzles in a month. Stan heard that the winner can be the host of the first crossword puzzle tournament in South Park. 

“Hey, Dad,” he greets his father. 

“Hey, Stan. I… I’m kinda busy right now, see? Bother me later. You know, as your father, I would help you in every way I can but now is not the right time. Know that whatever I am doing now is for you.” 

“B-but, Dad. I saw something today, and it’s making me confused. I need your help.” 

Instantly, Randy sets aside his pen and the puzzle book. He closes his eyes and gives an exaggerated sigh. He looks at Stan. “So it is. Stan, my boy, you must understand that your mother and I are getting older, so we do things to spice up our… sexual life. I don’t know how much you saw this morning, but you need to know that it’s okay to have a foursome once in a while riding your partner who’s doing a crossword puzzle and so is 69 on—” 

“Jesus Christ, that’s not what I saw! I don’t even need to know that! God!” Stan exclaims. 

Randy looks stunned. “O-Okay. So what did you see today that made you want to seek daddy’s help?” 

“I saw two of my friends kissing in the bathroom today,” he confesses. 

Randy looks even more stunned. Then he becomes irritated. “Am I raising my son to be a virgin, Stan? What? Is that the first time you see two people kiss?” 

“No, Dad. They’re both boys!” 

“Honey Boo Boo and the Kardashians are on TV. Jimmy Fallon still has his show. Iggy Azalea has a singing career. One Direction broke up. Bad things happen and you cannot stomach two boys kiss?” 

“I think I saw tongues got involved.” 

“So? You’ve seen Brokeback Mountain with Kenny before. Those two men did more than kiss inside that tent.” 

“That’s different, Dad—” 

“Am I raising my son to be homophobic, Stan?” 

Jesus Christ, this is the reason Stan has doubts asking Randy for help. There’s too much PC left in him. 

“I don’t know what to feel, Dad, okay? It’s my friend Kenny making out with that stupid Craig Tucker.” 

“What, now? You’re jealous?” 

“I am not jealous! Why would I be? Because they can kiss and they have no worries in the world? People don’t talk about them and they can do whatever they want? Because Kenny is comfortable in his own skin and he can go out with any people he likes with no anxiety on what people might say or think about him? Because Craig has that ‘Fuck That’ attitude and he’s with Kenny! My friend Kenny!” while I can’t even talk to my closest friend Kyle, he might have added. But realization is already setting in. He stares at his father in horror. “Oh, my God! I really am jealous!” 

Randy stares at him back, confused. “Oh. You’re jealous of Craig being with Kenny? I didn’t know that. I’ve always thought you’re going for that Jew friend of yours.”


	12. Chapter 12

It is the next day that Stan finally decides to talk to Kenny, to have a proper conversation regarding his deep insecurities. He decides to meet him after school in his most humble abode nearest the ruins of Sodosopa. However, just as when as he is nearing the McCormick household, he receives a text from Kenny, instructing him to go to the Tuckers’ instead as he is there. He goes to the place, and is greeted by the sight of Craig sleeping soundly in Kenny’s arms while the latter boy is lying on his back in the sofa in the living room, watching an old rerun of Terrance and Philip in the television. His orange parka hood is thrown carelessly on the floor. 

“Hello,” Stan greets, and Kenny motions him to sit on the couch beside him. 

“What’s up?” Kenny inquires. 

“Well, I’ve been thinking, you know, about the whole ordeal between me and Kyle and I badly need some advice.” 

Kenny is unfazed. “Talk to him. Whether the rumors about the two of you is true or not, bottom line is you talk to him. It’s that easy. You don’t need any of my advice. It’s common sense.” 

Stan takes a breath. “Okay. I know you’re pissed at me because of yesterday in the bathroom but I’m sorry. I’ve just never pegged you for the gay guy, Kenny. I’m just surprised.” 

“I’m bi, Stan. And am not pissed about that either. I’m just wondering what’s taking you so long to settle things with Kyle. You’re making it too long and it’s becoming unbearable and annoying.” 

“Dammit, Kenny. It’s not that simple!” 

Craig squirms in Kenny’s arms and the blonde boy quickly and gently brushes the raven’s hair to not wake him up. He promptly scowls at Stan. 

“Sorry,” Stan says, louder than a whisper. “But you have to understand I have a reputation to protect. And I haven’t even imagined myself with another boy. I’ve always thought I would end up with Wendy or at least a Victoria’s Secret Model.” 

Kenny’s smile is teasing. “So you do have a thing for our friend Kyle Broflovski.” 

Stan reddens. “Maybe I have. Maybe I haven’t. I have to sort things out first, okay? I don’t even know what my family would say. I mean, my dad says he doesn’t want me to be homophobic but…” he trails off. 

“Go talk to Kyle, Stan,” Kenny encourages. “Talking solves everything.” 

Stan smiles at his friend. “Thanks for understanding.” 

“Do hurry, though, Stan. Kyle told me Cartman has this stupid plan that he can’t still figure out what. Whatever it is I’m sure it will end so badly for the rest of us.” 

“Okay.” 

“I have to admit, though. Even if I’m kinda scared to whatever Cartman’s plan is, and pissed at him about it, I admit I miss the four of us being together. Having these wild adventures, you know?” 

“Yeah,” Stan agrees. 

“Craig had said high school is this weird place that separates childhood friends and transforms all children to creepy, hateful adults. You think that’s true?” 

“A little. What are you doing here in Craig’s anyway?” Stan asks, finally easing in his seat now that the tension is over. 

“Well, we skipped school today. Didn’t you notice? We did it last night and my bum is still sore so Craig said we stay here.” 

Stan looks at his friend in horror. “Y-you did what?” 

“Did it. Had sex.” Kenny has a complete innocent look on his face. “Tell you what, being bottom sucks. Hurts pretty badly. Have you ever even seen Craig’s dick? Oh, you have no idea what my poor asshole went through last night. All that pounding and hair pulling. Why, I’ve never thought I could not moan louder than—” 

“Stop, stop! Shut up, Kenny! You’re making me uncomfortable!” Stan cries. 

“What? I’m just briefing you, telling you what to expect when you and Kyle finally hook up. You’re supposed to be the bottom, right? I think you are. So, would you like me to narrate all that happened last night? From beginning to end? Okay, first he asked me to suck his dick. That I did. Even though that’s my first time sucking anyone’s dick, I think I really did a good job. He shoot loads in about, what, a minute tops? Then I told him, ‘that’s unfair, suck mine too, asshole.’ So he did—” 

“WHY. THE. FUCK. ARE YOU. TELLING. SOMEONE. THAT?” A cold voice coming from the boy in Kenny’s arms says. The boy gets up, bearing a menacing and dark look on his face. 

“Good evening, love. Did I wake you up?” Kenny asks cheerfully. 

Craig seizes the blonde’s ears and pinches them so hard it makes Kenny scream in pain. Stan watches the scene helplessly, although he thinks that serves Kenny right for his discomforting story. 

The blonde boy punished, Craig storms out of the room. “He’s just shy,” Kenny explains to Stan. After a good while, Craig has not returned. So Kenny follows him in his room. Stan waits alone, awkwardly, in the living room. Until, Kenny goes back and tells him he has given the Tucker boy a kiss goodnight and they’re both free to leave the household. 

2 

Stan and Kenny take a leisure walk first before they go back to their respective homes. Their conversations go from the sex (which Stan desperately wants to leave), to the upcoming exams (which Kenny blatantly ignores), to Cartman’s seemingly unimportant plan, to Kyle, then to the dance. 

“Kyle is going with Tweek,” Stan says. “I think I was the one pushing them together. I told Kyle they look good together.” 

“Stop blaming yourself, Stan,” Kenny says. “You’re born a douchebag so there’s really nothing else you can do about it. Just… be proud of it?” 

“Shut up, Kenny.” 

“And there’s really nothing going on between Tweek and Kyle. Come on. It’s Tweek.” 

“What do you think Kyle feels about me, then?” 

“I don’t know. I’m not—” 

“Just your opinion.” 

“I really don’t—” 

“Guess.” 

“Stop pestering me. Ask him yourself, douchebag.” 

“You’re useless.” 

“You’re insufferable.” 

They are passing by the Raisins establishment and see Eric Cartman going in. Curiosity takes the best of them so they also went inside the promiscuous hall. 

Most girls there are younger than them now, that’s for sure. It seemed only yesterday that the boys brought Stan there to help him move on from Wendy, Stan surmises. Because the place is crowded, they could not spot their fat psychopath friend. 

“Have you seen him yet, Kenny?” he asks above the loud music. 

His friend replies negative. He notices Kenny stop in his tracks, stricken in horror as he looks at a far corner of the Raisins. At this moment, Stan feels a sudden drop of temperature. He feels cold and, oddly, scared. He does not know that it is because Death is in the same room where he is. The Grimm Reaper is waiting for his friend in an orange parka hood. 

“Shit,” Kenny mutters. 

“What’s happening, Kenny? I feel sick,” Stan says. He remembers this sensation, far back in his childhood when his grandfather is being annoying and— 

“Let’s split up. Look for Cartman over there and I here,” Kenny instructs him with an obvious sign of urgency and effectively obstructing his thoughts. Without waiting for Stan’s reply, Kenny walks off. Stan follows him with his eyes. Suddenly he is being filled with worry for his friend. He cannot do anything but to watch his retreating back, like he’s compelled to; like there is something bad or bizarre going to happen and he has to watch. 

Kenny stumbles upon an angered huge fellow, and then he falls to the ground, tightly clutching his chest. Stan watches the boy try to breathe but couldn’t. Stan runs and drops beside him. 

“He’s having a heart attack!” he exclaims to the people around. “Don’t crowd us in, assholes! Don’t just stand there. Call some help! Call an ambulance! 911!” 

People are already on their phones. Others of them are calling around for some medical personal in the area. Stan does not notice. He is looking at his friend, his friend whose body is turning paler and paler, and colder and colder at every second. His pupils are blown, there is foam at the corners of his mouth, and he is going to die. He pleads to him, and he holds him close. Memories of him with Kenny flashes before his eyes. Those were lots of memories that he’s seen; so many in the last six seconds before Kenny close his eyes and dies. 

Stan whispers angrily to no one and everyone, “You killed Kenny, you bastards.” 

3 

Kenny opens his eyes and finds himself in a white room. He is alone in this place in the purgatory. He tries to remember if this is the thousandth time he died or the millionth, but it sure is not pleasant to think of one’s own death so he drops the subject. He doesn’t even try to remember the latest cause of his death. 

He sits quietly and waits for a company. He knows there would be one. If not the hot blonde interviewer or the brunette one, it is Death who usually accompanies him in his limited time in the purgatory. Rarely does he spend his times there completely alone. 

He waits a little longer until he sees a silhouette coming in his direction in a run. He recognizes that it is Pip Pirrup after a while. The boy is looking hap—er, jolly, as usual. 

“Good day to you, Kenny. A pleasure to meet you as usual,” Pip says when he’s close enough. 

Kenny gives him a nod in recognition and eventually Pip is sitting across from him. 

“First time seeing you here,” Kenny observes. 

“A lot of things happen in first times, Ken,” Pip says. “Why. It was also the first time you had a heart attack because of fear of death itself. I find it being out of your character, honestly. But you know you can’t get away with it. No one can.” 

Kenny smiles wryly. “Nasty,” he says. 

“Oh, don’t be down. I bring forth good news.” 

“What?” 

“You know how you’ve always wondered why Craig Tucker always remembers your death unlike everyone.” 

“I don’t really give a shit now, Pip. See—” 

“It was a lot of work, and it costs a lot of time and money, traveling through different dimensions, but Damien and I found out that it’s because of aliens.” 

Kenny stares at him blankly, incredulously. “Aliens? Really?” 

“Why, yes. It’s so simple that we’ve missed it. But it’s true. You know how those horrible black-eyed white creatures always visit South Park and manage to mess up the system… it happens a lot. Craig must have been near them in their last visit or something like that and they’ve caused, I don’t know, whatnot to his brain or vision or whatever.” 

“You don’t know the exact reason?” 

“I was not paying attention to the alien when it is explaining because, frankly, I don’t speak alien. Forgive me.” 

“It’s okay. So it’s aliens all this time. No big deal. Thank you.” 

“Oh, that’s not all, Kenny. After the talk with the alien, it has a good heart to finally bring things back in order.” 

Kenny’s (dead) heart skips a beat. “What does that mean?” 

“Well, he checked on Craig and fixed him.” Pip claps his hands in excitement. “Craig, and anyone for that matter, will not remember you dying anymore, from now on, now and forever! Just like it has always been! Splendid, isn’t it?” 

“You’re kidding,” Kenny chokes. 

“Nope. We really did it, Kenny! When you come back to life, Craig won’t know you’ve been dead. Hooray for us!” he laughs but then he notices Kenny’s expression. “Oh, why are you down? What’s the matter? You don’t like what we did? You don’t appreciate it?” 

Kenny can’t even form his words. He takes a deep breath, and wonders if it’s possible again to die of heart attack. “Pip,” he finally manages to say. “It’s the first time someone remembers me dying and cares about it. Why did you do that?” 

“Oh, but,” he reaches for Kenny’s hand to comfort him. “I and Damien always do. Why does it matter?” 

“I mean someone in South Park!” Kenny grunts. “Someone who’s my friend. Someone who is always there.” 

“That’s Damien and I,” Pip asserts. “No mortal should ever know you can come back to life, Kenny. That you can cross between heaven and hell. It’s a secret only meant for us.” 

Kenny stands up. “I’ve got to leave. When can I go back to South Park?” 

“Not sooner, that’s for sure,” Pip looks up to him worriedly. “It will take a very long while before you can return to South Park. Days, months? I only sneaked in here to tell you the news before he arrives to get you.” 

“Who will arrive?” 

“St. Michael. I’ve heard the angels need you again to protect the heaven’s gates. They needed you for the upcoming war.”


	13. Chapter 13

Inside the grand halls of one of the magnificent castles in the kingdom of heaven, past beyond a congregation of Mormons in their daily charades, a meeting is taking place between the great angels. 

Michael is deeply in distress. The boy, Kenneth McCormick, is missing. He is not in the purgatory where he is supposed to pick him up. He is not here in the heavens, where Michael and the other three archangels are supposed to train him with the little time they have left to defeat the beings of darkness threatening God’s holy kingdom. 

Someone must have sneaked him out, Michael decides. That’s the only possible reason Kenneth is nowhere to be found. Kenneth is not to return to the mortal world for another three months. Could it be Damien who sneaked him out? Did that son of Satan used their friendship to lure Kenny out the purgatory and into the depths of hell? That son of a bitch. 

A later report comes in that confirms Kenneth is not in hell, however. Kenneth, they found out, is back in South Park, and it is not Damien who let him out. 

With a sigh, Michael instructs Gabriel to contact the Grimm Reaper again. He knows that it would be hard for Kenneth to be their leader once again against the dark beings. He knows how overwhelming it is. He would have to explain to the poor boy how this is all necessary for the world, how sometimes sacrifice is needed, and how the Celestial Magistrate have no budget to afford to make new PSPs to be distributed around the world to find a new child for this purpose. Michael needs to convince Kenneth, needs to make him see that he is the chosen one. 

2 

On the other side of world, another entity is distraught. 

Damien paces back and forth in his room, awaiting the arrival of his long-time friend, Pip. The British lad is supposed to have returned 12 hours ago. His mission was very simple, after all: to report to Kenny his accomplishments before the Archangel Michael takes him to the heavens, before he is trained to fight against him in the war to come. That’s it. So where is Pip? 

Gandhi tells him to calm down and find the inner peace inside himself. Damien tells him to fuck off. 

Damien consults his father, and the father and son looks inside a magic mirror. He sees Pip, finally, with Kenny… in South Park. 

First he is filled with questions. Why is Kenny with Pip? How are they in South Park? Did Pip deliver him the good news of Damien’s efforts to make sure of Kenny’s well-being? Does Damien has finally plus points on Kenny’s heart? 

Satan asks an important question. “Why didn’t Pip bring your friend Kenny here so the angels have no more champions and we would win?” 

He ignores his father’s inquiry and says, “Father, I’m going to South Park.” 

“What? Like right now? But you have your training.” 

“I have to talk to Kenny.” 

“Oh. So you can convince him to join our side? That’s great, son. But you have to return here right away. We’ll attack the heavens soon.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Damien waves him off. His father annoys him sometimes. All with these taking over the world, ruling over mankind bullshit. He knows he could never be normal – he is not a human mortal to be normal to begin with – but still. He longs to have a quiet life; just some little adventures here and there with his best friends Pip and Kenny is okay with him. Being the son of the prince of darkness spoils it all. 

3 

Pip and Kenny make their way to the South Park High School that sunny morning. Pip is trying to catch up to Kenny who is walking really fast. The Brit is baffled by the blonde’s actions. What does it matter if the Craig Tucker forgets about his powers? He is his boyfriend, so? What is Kenny worried about? It’s not like they are going to break up just because Craig forgets. Kenny’s powers should have nothing to do with relationships. 

Pip shrugs it off in the end. It’s not like Kenny is going to listen to him now. And Kenny’s relationship with the mortal is the least of his worries now. After Pip sneaked Kenny out in the purgatory, he is sure the Grimm Reaper is not the only one after them, but also the heaven’s angels, and the hell’s demons. Damien is surely pissed at him by now too for not reporting back to him. 

With a sigh, he continues to keep up with Kenny’s pace. This ordeal makes him wish he isn’t dead and is back to England. 

4 

In the cafeteria of South Park High School, Craig is talking with Stan and Clyde. After four hours of waiting in vain in class, Craig is forced to ask the whereabouts of Kenny McCormick. Stan answers he doesn’t know; they separated right after they saw Cartman walking in the Raisins the past night. 

“Then, where is he? Why isn’t he in school today?” Craig asks. 

“Cartman went to the Raisins last night?” Clyde asks. 

“Yes,” Stan answers. 

“Oh, that is gold. What was he doing there? Is he that desperate to find a date to the dance?” Clyde asks again, clearly intrigued about the news. 

“We’re not talking about that,” Craig says. 

“Why not?” Clyde questions. “It’s the first time we can have something to talk against Cartman aside from his obesity and his whore of a mom. Join the fun, Craig.” 

“I don’t give a flying fuck about that fatass.” 

Stan speaks in a low voice, “Speaking of the devil, here he is.” 

“Hi, guys,” Cartman greets amiably. “What are you talking about?” 

“Nothing,” they chorus. 

Cartman looks around at the three of them. They look suspicious all right but he waves it off. “Oh you guys, guess who finally found a date for the dance tomorrow night.” 

“You?” Stan guesses. 

Clyde is stifling a laugh. “Let me guess where you found that date.” 

Craig elbows him. 

“You’re right, Stan. It’s me. Now guess who I’m coming with. You’ll be jealous, I’m sure. Go on, Stan.” 

Stan becomes nervous. “I-it’s not Kyle, is it? Because I’m totally not jea—” 

“Why would I go with a Jew?” Cartman says with a roll of his eyes. “Try again.” 

“Butters?” 

Cartman scoffs. “No way am I going with that butthole Butters. No. Get this. I’m going with Wendy Testaburger.” 

“How did that happen?” Stan asks. 

“Wendy is working in Raisins now?” Clyde asks. 

“The fuck, Clyde,” Cartman seethes at the Donovan boy. “Where are you getting your ideas? I asked her in a super normal macho way and she said yes. But we did meet at Raisins last night for that, I admit.” 

Stan does not believe it. “How… why did she—you’re not planning anything evil again, are you?” 

“Get over yourself, Stan. There’s no fun in hooking with you up with Kyle anymore. Wendy and I both agreed it’s gotten pretty boring. You should look at her blog. It’s all about 5 Seconds of Summer now. We both moved on. You should too. Not that you need to. After all, you said many times you’re not gay and you have nothing for Kyle. Get inside Bebe’s panties after the dance, will you? Because I’m totally diving inside Wendy’s,” he finishes with a wink directed at Stan. 

“Mrmmph! Mrmmhhhh mphh!” 

They all turned around to find Kenny and Pip running towards them. 

“Pip, you’re not welcome ‘nya! Get out!” Cartman shrieks. 

“Where have you been all day?” Craig asks Kenny when he’s an arm’s reach. 

“Mhrprrmr phmmrmph mmmph mmphmpphh hmp,” Kenny explains after catching his breath, in a low voice so only Craig would hear. 

Craig is quiet for a little while. He looks warily at Kenny. “What do you mean you died of a heart attack last night? If it’s a joke, I don’t get it.” 

Kenny’s eyes widens in horror. “Mmmph…” he mutters. He looks at Pip, at Craig, at the others, then back to Craig. “Mmmph!” he exclaims, almost as if in grief. 

“I’m sorry, I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Craig says sincerely, because he really doesn’t. He keeps a hold of Kenny’s shoulders to steady him. “Please, calm down.” 

“Hmph!” Kenny says and pushes him off. Then he runs away from them, followed by Pip who took one last look of them before he does so. 

The four boys stared at where Kenny has gone. 

“Boy, what is wrong with Kinny these days? Are we sure he’s not taking drugs?” Cartman asks. 

Stan looks at Craig. “And what did he mean when he kept shouting, ‘You don’t remember’?” 

Craig shrugs. “I don’t know.” He sighs and starts to head to where Kenny ran to. “I’ll go talk to him.” 

5 

Kenny is in the men’s room now, washing his face by the sink, trying to calm himself down. Meanwhile Pip is nagging him that they must return to purgatory immediately, before the two of them get into more trouble. 

“Shut up, Pip! I’m trying to think!” Kenny snaps at him, which results a sad look to settle upon Pip’s face. “I’m sorry. See… I’m just… you know… with Craig and all and…” 

“So you don’t really appreciate what Damien and I did for you!” Pip exclaims. 

“It’s not that! It’s just… why did you ever do that in the first place? Without even asking me, that is?” 

“We wanted to surprise you. Damien thought it would be a nice and friendly gift before the two of you engage in a celestial fight. A kind of an advanced peace offering, perhaps. But you didn’t appreciate it.” 

Kenny turns back to the sink and angrily washes again his face. “Well that is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard. You know why? Because I am not missing the school dance for that idiotic war. I will not participate in that war, or any other wars, ever again. You hear me?” Pip does not answer. “I said do you hear me?” he turns around to find no Philip Pirrup but a certain Damien Thorn, looking smug as he leans by the tiled walls. 

“Where’s Pip?” he asks. 

“Back in hell,” Damien answers. “He should have returned there hours ago, anyway. How are you, Kenny? I’ve heard you don’t quite like my gift.” 

“I don’t.” 

“Why not? I’ve deliberated for hours what am I supposed to give you as a peace offering before we face each other in the war. That was the best I could think of.” 

Kenny fidgets from where he stands. “Do you really want to fight against me? We’re friends.” 

“We are. But there are some things we cannot avoid. Rest assured I will still be your friend after the fight, provided I don’t die. Will you still be mine?” 

Kenny gives a shrug. “I guess I don’t have a choice.” 

They are quiet for a moment. Damien studies the boy in front of him and Kenny studies the patterns on the tiles on the floor. There is some tension in the air, as Kenny feels Damien is trying to get inside his mind, to read it and find out what are his feelings right now. Kenny is trying hard not to let him. Unfortunately for him, Damien does not need to enter his mind to find out. For the devil boy, it is all in his very actions. And wasn’t he just watching Kenny earlier ever since the blonde boy was hurrying to get inside the school? 

“You’re afraid,” Damien says suddenly that makes Kenny look up. 

“Afraid of what?” 

“Of the huge possibility. That Craig Tucker, you’re precious Craig, whom you have the bravery to choose over me, is not in love with you in the first place. That there is really nothing in your so-called relationship. That… how will I put it? That he’s only fascinated by you. Precisely your powers to always come back to life after numerous deaths that had and will come your way. And now that his memories of your power are gone, so is his fascination. Am I right?” 

Kenny wants to refute it but he cannot find his voice. 

“It’s close to the truth, I’m afraid,” Damien says, faking a sympathetic frown. “Believe me, I know it. But that’s not all. He’s not the only one at fault. He’s not the only one lost in fascination. You also are. You’re fascinated by him. After you found out he remembers your deaths, you thought there is something special in him. Of course after Pip and I fixed that, that special something is gone too. And all Craig has reduced to is just another mortal who doesn’t know your real story, Kenny. There is nothing special in him now, is there?” 

Kenny still has nothing to say, still lost for words. 

“You’re concerned by the truth that you only fell in love with him because of that. And he to you. Am I correct?” Damien accuses. 

“You’re wrong,” Kenny finally croaks out. “That’s not what happened. It’s all real. You’re greatly mistaken.” 

Damien gives a little laugh. “I could be. I mean, who am I? Just a demon that sees the darkness of all people’s hearts.” 

“Shut up,” Kenny snaps. 

“No need to be angry. I’m a friend, Kenny. And I’m very willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. How about this? We make a bet on who is right.” 

“That’s stupid. Why would I participate in that game of yours?” 

“Because of the prize,” Damien answers, sounding as if it should have been obvious all along. He starts to pace back and forth in the room. “I will bet that what you and Craig have for each other is only a stupid attraction resulting from the knowledge of your power. You shall stand firm on your ground that it is love or whatever you wish to call it. If you win, I will return Craig’s memories. I will help you evade the angels who want to recruit you for the war. I will also help you find the origins of your power. Finally, never would I get in between you and Craig. Do all those sound good?” 

Kenny nods. “And if…” 

Damien’s smile is somewhat alarming. “If I win, you shall belong to me.” 

“What?” 

“You know how much am I into you, Kenny. I’ve also told you before that I like you. If I win, your body, your soul, your whole being shall belong to me. You will be mine for all eternity. You may come and go to the mortal world as you please but when you die you shall always go to hell, on a special place there with me. Do we have a deal?” 

“You sick bastard! You’ve been waiting for this the whole time!” Kenny cries. 

Damien laughs. “Maybe. But you still want to win, right? You want answers and you want to be with Craig, right?” 

“This is stupid. What if you cheat?” 

“My love, why would a cheat to something I know I can win fair and square?” With Kenny’s stunned expression, he goads even more. “That’s right. I already know your feelings for him. His for you. Maybe you can change those to win against me. You can convince yourself that you love him. But how about him?” 

“It seems like you’ve already won. Why would I agree now?” Kenny says in defeat. 

“Because you will go after him even after all these,” Damien says in distaste. “To try to convince yourself that you’re in love with that boy. Do you know how much it vexes me seeing you with him? I hate it. It makes me want to kill him.” 

Hearing that and being alarmed by it, Kenny makes a decision. He agrees to the bet. Damien smiles and holds out a hand for Kenny to shake hands with. 

“Do three days to win this bet sound good to you? I will hold up the Grimm Reaper in all of those three days so no one can interrupt us in this game. A good old-fashioned ‘I love you’s’ can convince me you’ve won our bet. If nothing has been said, you are mine.” 

Kenny makes a final thinking before taking his ‘friend’s’ hand and shaking it. Kenny imagines signing an indestructible contract with his blood that seals his fate forever. He knows all of these will not end well. He is more than sure he cannot win against a demon, but he could at least try. 

6 

Back in hell, Damien watches Kenny in satisfaction from his father’s mirror. He watches Craig going inside the bathroom, talking to Kenny (who is still in his dazed position when Damien left him), and taking Kenny away. The scene still annoyed him, yes, but, with a good humor, he dismisses it as he is sure he will have Kenny not too long from now. He will win this bet. 

No matter what. 

He had said that he will not cheat. That is true. Why would he? Even if he’s tempted to, and even if there’s a chance that Craig and Kenny will fall in love for real in three days, another mortal in the name of Eric Cartman has plans of messing up with that. That would surely go well with Damien’s intentions. 

There are perks of being all-knowing and being not normal after all.


	14. Chapter 14

Kenny is acting weird, Craig decides. He had just taken him from the restroom, and Kenny is looking like he has seen a ghost… or made a very terrible mistake. The way Kenny holds his hand is kind of wrong, too. The grip is too tight. 

“Do you like me?” 

And that. That question has been repeating for many times now. It vexes Craig little by little. 

“Yes,” Craig would reply. But over time, that answer only serves to shut Kenny up. One must understand though that there’s nothing wrong with Craig. He feels fine. He felt great actually that morning that tomorrow night he will be with the blonde McCormick boy. It is Kenny who is acting bizarre, and his actions are growing on him. 

“And would you do anything for me?” 

“Okay, Kenny. What is wrong with you? What happened?” Craig asks. 

“Nothing. Only that I don’t feel like myself today,” Kenny answers softly, gaze wandering off. 

“Well, stop that. I don’t like it.” 

The shorter boy smiles a little at that. His features become soft and it appears he is doing some thinking again. That smile, however, makes Craig giddy inside. He turns away, blushing. Again, as often that he does so, he thinks why Kenny stays with him. And what did he ever see in him. 

“Do you love me?” 

In a snap, Craig turns back to Kenny, disbelieving his ears. Did Kenny just ask him… “What?” 

A frown begins to form on Kenny’s lips. “I asked if you love me.” 

As if Craig can say those three words out loud. He still has pride, excuse him. At the same time, he begins to wonder himself. Does he love him? Does he even have feelings for him? What is he doing with him in the first place? He stares at Kenny, full of confusion inside. Then he looks down at their intertwined hands. This is so wrong. And did he just say he was excited to be with Kenny in the upcoming dance? 

Kenny is waiting for an answer. Luckily, the bell rings, saving Craig from the question. 

“I’ll see you later, okay?” he says, and kisses the boy’s cheek (even that felt so wrong), and almost runs away from him to his PE class. 

2 

Covered in sweat after the PE, Craig decides to take a shower. He doesn’t know how long has he been there. Twenty minutes maybe, of thinking about the certain dilemma that is Kenny McCormick. The point is, he knows he couldn’t have taken that long in the shower. So why is it that all the boys in the room are suddenly gone and it seems he is the only one left? 

He calls out for them, and then hears the door as if someone is trying to open it. He sees that it is Tweek who is trying to open the door from the inside. The two of them are locked in the room. 

“Tweek,” he calls out suddenly that makes the boy in question shriek. “Where is everybody?” 

“I-I don’t know. I only came here because Cartman said the gym teacher needed me to deliver more towels in t-the l-locker room. N-no one is here when I-I entered. Then the d-door suddenly closed!” 

Just hearing the name Cartman gives Craig a lot of sense of what is happening now. The fat boy is trying to get them to be together. Stupid fucking damn fat bastard. Craig had thought Cartman and Kenny are friends. So if they are friends, then shouldn’t Cartman have heard that he is already going out with Kenny? 

“Come,” he says to Tweek. “Cartman should have set up food and drinks here around the corner.” 

“But h-how are we going to get out?” 

“We just wait until morning,” Craig says dismissively. He walks around the room and there it is, not long after, he finds the deli plates with a bottle of scotch and some board games. He would have been surprised by all of these if not for the fact that he learned that it is all a ploy admitted by Cartman himself one drunken boys’ night. 

“C-Cartman prepared all of these?” Tweek asks, inspecting the objects. 

Craig rolls his eyes. “Obviously.” 

“What should we d-do now?” 

“Just rest. There is nothing we can do.” 

Craig dresses first then they take the food and drink and share it with each other. The board games they toss off, as no one feels like playing. Not in the moment when Craig is still quelling the anger inside of himself against the infamous son of a whore. He means, why can’t that fat bitch locked Craig up with Kenny instead? Yes he is torn of his feelings for the boy but a night with him might help him really examine their relationship, might help him realize what he ever saw in him in the first place. 

The night went on and no one in the locker room is talking. They are seated far away from each other. Craig is still pissed and Tweek is afraid to ask a pissed Craig. It is until the speakers mounted on the ceilings start blasting A Great Big World’s “Say Something” that Craig groans. That was Craig and Tweek’s song back in elementary. What does Cartman thinks he’s doing? 

“M-man… remember that song?” Tweeks asks nervously. 

“Yes. I remember it, Tweek,” Craig answers and grunts. 

“Why is Cartman playing that?” 

“Can’t you see? He is pairing the two of us. That son of a bitch. Doesn’t he know that I’m with his friend? What if Kenny learns of this? He’ll be mad.” 

“Well, if you explain what really happened then Kenny will understand. He’ll believe you. Anything sneaky happening in school almost is created by Cartman. A-after all, we’re not doing b-bad right now. W-we’re not falling for Cartman’s p-plans.” 

Craig smiles a little at that. “Right. And maybe Kenny and I can both kill Cartman.” 

“Yes, you can.” 

“Now that is all arranged, I must admit, I liked this song.” 

“Me, too,” Tweek giggles. “I h-hated it at first but it grew on me.” 

“Why did it become our song again?” 

“D-don’t know. It just is. When those Asians and the rest of the girls started shipping us and drew fanarts of us…” his voice softens. “Then we sort of like became together.” 

“We did.” 

“Those were good times, huh?” Tweek looks shyly at Craig. “I mean, I know you’re already with Kenny. I respect that, dude.” 

And not for the first time, Craig begins to wonder. “Yes. I am.” 

“I-it’s not like something was really going on between us. That was all pretend.” 

All Craig thinks that time is a command to himself. ‘Don’t make a mistake. Don’t do this to Kenny. Don’t fall to Cartman’s plan.’ But he is failing. He looks at Tweek and he is drawn to his blonde hair, the odd way his body trembles, his unusually attractive face. Then Craig remembers the years he was with the boy. And all he could of think of is, ‘It’s not bad. At least when we got together, everything became so simple for the two of us.’ 

“I didn’t think I put on a show for our relationship that time,” Craig blurts out. 

“What? Dude.” 

“I did not pretend,” Craig says again. “I didn’t you did, though.” 

Tweek begins to panic. “Well… I didn’t too… but I thought that was the most appropriate thing to say and… oh, my gosh! This is so wrong!” 

Craig pats the space beside him. “Would you like to sit beside me? I’m feeling kinda cold.” 

3 

The next morning, firemen finally come to rescue them. After a night of spending time with each other (and having done more than that), Craig and Tweek separates. Craig doesn’t think much of Cartman then. He only thinks of his new mission. He heads to Kenny’s house, knocks politely, and waits for Kenny to come. 

Kenny is by the door seconds later. He is smiling, happy to see Craig early in the morning. 

Craig declines his offer to come inside the house, as he says he will not take long. If he sees that Kenny is beginning to look worried, he ignores it and chooses to continue. 

“I don’t think, whatever is between us, is going to work out.” 

Shock is immediately seen on Kenny’s face. “What? Why?” 

“I just don’t think that we are for each other, Kenny.” 

“Are you a damn bastard?! What about all the time we spent together?” 

“But, I don’t feel like we really know each other, Kenny. You must understand.” 

Kenny holds his hands. “Then give me two days. At most two days, Craig.” 

Craig pulls his hands away from him. “No… I don’t think I can give you that long. Kenny, you need to know that there is something that happened between me and Tweek last night. We were locked in the l—” 

“I don’t care! It’s okay. Please. Don’t leave me.” 

For some reason, Craig becomes angry with his claim. He doesn’t care? Why the fuck not? 

“I really can’t do this with you.” 

“You shitty idiot! What about the dance which you asked me to go out with you?” 

“I’m going with Tweek. I already told him we’ll go together. I promised.” 

“But Damien—” 

“You can go with Damien if you want. Give him a chance, Kenny. Maybe you’ll be happy with him. Because with me, things are never going to work out.” 

His eyes are already glassed with tears. Craig looks at him with pity. What he is doing is for the best. And maybe he needs to thank Cartman for making him see things clearly. 

“But I…” Kenny begins to say, only looking down on the ground now. 

‘He’s going to say ‘I love you’,’ Craig thinks. ‘When he does I’m going to say that I don’t feel the same. Then I’ll leave.’ 

Kenny takes only a deep breath, however, and says, still not looking at him. “Do you know how much trouble I’m in because of what you’ve done?” 

Craig is confused by that. Kenny was going to say ‘I love you’, Craig swears. And it’s not his ego proclaiming that. But, it is as if Kenny can’t say those words to him. Almost as if he is not feeling anything for Craig too. And what trouble is he talking about? Maybe Craig can help… 

The shorter boy sighs again. “Well, thank you, Craig. You and Tweek have a nice life.” 

He slams the door shut, leaving Craig’s confusions and wonderments hanging in the air.


	15. Chapter 15

The paid DJ onstage plays a freaking Fall Out Boy song. That would be all right, if not for the fact that Kenny has watched the ‘Dance Dance’ music video a couple too many times thanks to his sister who wishes not to be called an emo but a Youngblood, and right now he feels like he is one of those short boys from that band awkwardly standing in the corner of the gymnasium, kind of alienated and bored. He is not alone though, as Cartman, Stan, and Kyle are with him standing by the beverage table. How it came to be? Well, let us just say that a certain fatass made Wendy Testaburger convinced Bebe Stevens to go with her as her girl date for the night, leaving Stan dateless. It broke Stan’s heart, yes, but he immediately forgets it when he learns that Craig and Tweek ditched Kyle and Kenny for each other. And voila, there they are: three boys listening to ‘Dance Dance’ and who cannot wait to kill the aforementioned fatass who, by the way, announced proudly before the night started that this was his mission all along: to get the four of them friends together for this special night. 

All the troubles they went through just for that. Yes, that. THAT. The most annoying of this all, Kenny decides, is he has to pay for his soul for Cartman’s outrageous and stupid plan. If only Cartman knew. But then, would the bastard care? Misery really loves Kenny. 

He watches Craig take Tweek to the dance floor when the Fall Out Boy song ended and One Direction started singing on the speakers. He watches Craig looking at Tweek with a straight face and Tweek trembling in his arms. He is not jealous. Why would he? He feels nothing for the tall raven-haired boy. Why, he is convinced by Damien’s words that he was not in love with Craig and he was only fascinated by him. That and he has too much pride for himself, thank you very much. (Tweek Tweak? Really? Someone chooses him over Kenny? How insulting.) 

“Isn’t this great, you guys? Just the four of us, like how we originally planned to should we have no date for the night,” Cartman says happily. 

His friends ignore him. Looking at him, Kenny can tell he’s been restless lately. He is antsy, too. Almost as if he knows what he’s done is wrong. That will be new in Cartman’s history if that is the case. 

“Oh come on, guys. We don’t need any dates. This is so much fun!” Cartman exclaims. 

“Making me look like a loser by making Craig ditched me is not really fun, Cartman,” Kenny finally says. ‘Nor is making me bet my soul to the devil,’ he adds mentally. 

“Yes,” Kyle agrees. “Making me lose my presidency? This is all bullshit. And this school dance is fucking boring. I had planned to have Lorde for this event. And a chocolate fountain. And… and… Fuck. There should have been more. This dance should have been the dance that outdoes everything. You fucking ruined it.” 

Cartman scoffs. “What do you need a chocolate fountain for? This is not a birthday party. Lorde is terrible, too. I’ve researched from the internet that she’s really a he. A very old he. Besides, can’t you see that Craig and Tweek are happier together and – Shut up, Cupid Me! Fucking Craig fucking Tucker fucking does not belong to my friend Kinny!” 

“Who are you talking to?” Kenny asks. 

“No one,” Cartman says, smiling nervously. “W-well, now that I’ve answered your inquiries, let’s have some fun. By the way, Kinny, it’s nice that you forego for your parka for the night. You look nice. How about you, Stan? You haven’t said anything in a while.” 

Stan says nothing, only shakes his head. He’s pale and sweaty and does not look good. He looks like he’s going to be sick. Kyle looks over him worriedly. 

“Are you alright, Stan?” Kenny asks. 

Cartman laughs. “Getting lovesick, Stan? Because your crush Kyle the Jew is here? Amma right?” 

“Shut up, Cartman!” Kyle snaps. Then to Stan, he softly asks, “You want to go to the toilet? The nurse’s office?” He takes Stan’s hand but the boy pulls it back harshly. Then he looks down in embarrassment. Kyle bites his lip and looks narrowly at him. 

“Oh, this will be good,” Cartman cheers. “What are you going to do now, Kyle? He doesn’t want to take your hand.” 

“I said, shut up, Cartman,” Kyle grits out. 

Kenny ignores them both and he’s the one who pulls Stan away from the crowd and into the small bathroom behind the gymnasium. Inside, Kenny damps a towel wet and dabs Stan’s face with it. 

“Thanks, Kenny,” Stan finally says after he’s cooled down a little. 

“No problem. Let’s get you out of here. I think you need a bit of fresh air.” 

Stan shakes his head. “No, I think I’ll be fine now. I’m okay. Let’s just go back.” 

“Well it looks like you still know how to talk,” Kyle says suddenly, announcing his entrance in the small space of the toilet. Cartman is looming behind him by the door, looking terribly amused by the turn out of events. 

“Why are you still not talking to me?” Kyle snaps. 

“Shut up, Kyle. He’s sick. Don’t bother him,” Kenny says. Beside him, Stan starts to get pale again. It looks like he’s about to vomit. 

“Stay out of this, Kenny. Stan, what the hell’s your problem with me? Cartman’s plan worked and everything should have been resolved by now, even though it’s unacceptable. Craig and Kenny broke up. I’m not the school president anymore. All of that because of Cartman’s stupid plan.” 

“Well, I did warn you guys about that but you didn’t listen. It’s your fault,” Cartman puts in. 

“But Kenny and I already got over it. What’s eating you, Stan? Why aren’t you still talking to me?” 

Stan does not answer. 

“Cartman and Wendy are over romantically linking us. So we can start talking to each other again. Talk to me now.” 

Still, Stan does not. 

“Damn you. I’m done with you having to avoid me every time. Speak to me. Speak, dammit!” 

And just like that, Stan pukes all over Kyle’s tuxedo. Kyle freezes in shock. Kenny’s face morphs in disgust as he watches Stan go while Cartman is cackling. 

“Ha ha! Stan puked on Kyle! Stan puked on Kyle! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Na na na na na na!” he sing-songs. 

“Why did you do that?” Kyle asks slowly, still in shock. But his question results in another round of vomiting, and on him again. It takes so long, Stan must have already vomited his breakfast from last week. 

“Okay guys. First this is really funny now this has gotten really gross. See, Kinny looks like he’s about to puke, too,” Cartman says. 

“Damn, I will.” 

When Stan finally stops, Kyle ignores his disgust, regains his composure, and fumes, “Do you know how much I paid for this suit? Why did you that?” 

“Man, this is really –” Cartman stops. “What’s that, Cupid Me? This is the vomit of love?” 

“Stop it, Fatass. You’re weirding me out,” Kenny says. 

“But Kinny, Kyle. You’ve gotten it all wrong. Stan is in love with Kyle! This is him confessing his love, Kyle! You belong to each other now! You can kiss and do gay stuffs. And we can rip on Kinny for being poor again. Man, this turned out okay.” 

Kyle turns to Stan. His eyes soften as he looks at the boy who’s been taken a hold of his heart for a long while now. “I-is that true, Stan?” 

The boy in question is red in embarrassment. He turns to his heels. “I’ve got to go.” 

“No, wait.” Kyle grabs his wrist. And there it is again, Stan vomits on Kyle. Another long awkward round of vomiting ensues. 

“Yep, I think it’s true,” Cartman says. 

“At least,” Kenny says to Kyle, “you don’t act like when Wendy does when Stan does that to her. I might say you took it like a man. Congratulations!” 

“Fuck the two of you,” Kyle says. 

“This is embarrassing,” Stan says against Kyle’s shoulder. 

The red-headed boy smiles, the first real smile he’s had ever since this whole thing began. He takes Stan’s shoulders and pushes him a little just so he can look at his face. “No, it’s not. Well… I mean, it is a little. But, we’re going to talk through this. We’ll get the both of us cleaned up then have a nice little chat. And, stop. Don’t you dare try to puke on my suit again. My mom’s going to kill me.” 

Cartman claps his hands. “That’s an ultra gay stuff right there. Right, Kinny?” 

“What about the dance?” Kenny asks. 

“Well, I’m not sure about the two of you but I’m really bored in here so I think I’ll head home now. You’re coming with me, Stan. Right?” 

Stan nods his head. 

“Think I’ll go with you, too,” Kenny says. “I’d rather spend my last few hours as a free man with my friends than with those people out there. You know, before I surrender my soul to the devil the day after tomorrow.” 

“Oh, I hate you guys,” Cartman says, clutching his heart in a way that speaks of affection. 

2 

Craig sees the four troublemakers go out of the little bathroom behind the gymnasium. He sees Kyle, whose tuxedo seems to be ruined so it is just tucked under his arms, talking closely to Stan, who on the other hand is acting so giddy he might as well be a long lost puppy. He watches Cartman act so stupid the way he happily prances around in the air as if he is chasing an invisible flying object. Finally, Craig sees Kenny walking calmly by the rear end of the group, deep in thought. 

Craig never got the chance to ask him again about the trouble he was talking about that early morning. Yes, he broke up with Kenny but that doesn’t mean he does not care for the guy. He admits he remembers he felt happiness back when he was still with him. As of late, he wishes he can help Kenny just to avoid the guilt that’s troubling him (at least that’s what he thinks that’s the emotion is). 

He sees Wendy fuming angrily then stomping near him where he and his friends are by the beverage table. The girl shouts, “Cartman! Stan! Kyle! Kenny! Where do you think you’re going?! The dance is not over, assholes!” 

Cartman shots her the middle finger. “Suck my dick, Wendy! This party sucks. Screw you, guys! We’re going home!” 

Wendy pushes her way of the crowd to follow them but Craig knows she’ll just come back soon, defeated and angry. Craig understands the four boys. Admittedly, the dance is not that bad but it’s too far from being great either. If he could only say ‘suck my dick, this party sucks’ to the school president, he’d be so happy. 

“There’s something really wrong with those boys,” Bebe says. “Why can’t they just stay put for a second? Why are they always asking for trouble?” 

“B-be-c-cause t-t-t-that’s who they a-are,” Jimmy supplies. 

“Well, fellas. I’ll tell you what. I think Kenny does not deserve the insults,” Butters says. “He’s the most sensible of them all. He needs better friends if you ask me.” 

“Really? I think he’s just as crazy as those other three,” Clyde says. “He’s happy with them.” 

“We’re not fully sure about that,” Butters argues. “Craig, didn’t you tell us before that if Kenny has you as his friend, he’ll get a better fate, or something along those lines?” 

Craig stops. “When did I ever say that?” 

Butters mirrors the confusion on his face. “Back in those days when you kept proclaiming that Kenny is supposed to be dead.” 

“I was saying that?” 

“Sure you were. That’s why everyone thought you’re gone cuckoo. Though, you eventually stopped the time we held a get together for Timmy.” 

Clyde counters, “No, he did not. There was the time you said you’ve killed Kenny.” 

Craig looks around his friends, bewildered. “Are you all on drugs? I don’t remember saying any of that.” 

“But you did, Craig,” Tweek says. “You did, many times.” 

Craig is lost for words. His friends’ focus is all on him as he struggles to find one. When it is taking too long, they ignore him and choose to ask Butters instead why isn’t he with Cartman for this night. Craig vaguely hears the little boy explain that he’s doing that to teach Cartman a lesson. He also vaguely feels the stare of his date, Tweek. But he’s thinking about what his friends told him, and, although their assertions seem other-worldly, they still seem to ring a bell. 

The night drags on but Craig is still thinking about Kenny and what his friends said. Did he really proclaim that he shall be a better friend to Kenny? Did he really keep proclaiming of Kenny’s death? Did he kill Kenny? If any of those are so, then why doesn’t he remember? Why does he only remember a little of Kenny? 

Soon the dance ends. Craig walks Tweek home. By the doorstep, Tweek waits for his goodnight kiss. Instead Craig says, “I really don’t remember ever telling anyone that Kenny died.” 

Tweek bites his lip and considers the sentiment. “Does this have to do with you breaking up with him and asking me out so suddenly?” 

“No!” Craig quickly refutes. “You and me. We’re…” 

“Paired up?” 

“Inevitable.” 

Tweek laughs lightly. “You’re tense. Don’t be pressured, man.” 

The taller boy tries to relax. In the next moments, the two boys study each other. 

“You know, there was also a time I’ve thought you’re willing to kill just to have Kenny,” Tweek finally says. 

“When is that? I don’t remember.” 

“When Damien kept showing up and he was always close to Kenny. Then Damien transferred to our school and you were acting like you were really jealous. You know what I’m talking about, right?” 

Craig struggles to recall. He fails. “I guess,” he lies. 

Unfortunately, Tweek sees through it. The shorter boy becomes irritated. “Look. Clearly there’s something wrong going on with you. Something happened and you only slept with me on impulse because you, of all people, will not fall on stupid Cartman’s plot. You broke up with Kenny and… and I don’t even know why. But now I believe that you shouldn’t have. Come on, man. You’re in love with him. You were ready to fight tooth and nail for him against Damien Thorn. And you’re acting like you forgot all about that! What kind of asshole does that? No wonder Kenny looks upset. And… and all these are making me look like a proper asshole by sleeping with you on a filthy boy’s locker room!” 

“Tweek…” 

“No, Craig. I don’t know what is wrong with you but until you figure that out, leave me out of this. I’m not doing this.” 

The door slams on Craig’s face, the second time someone does that to him that day. He wants to knock and tell Tweek that he’s sorry. But right now, he is lost. He doesn’t know what he’s going on. Maybe he’s gone insane. With all his wishes to help Kenny out of his self-proclaimed trouble, he wishes he can help himself, too.


	16. Chapter 16

Craig swears he has done this before: going to the McCormick household with a stone in hand in the middle of the night, with a mission to talk to the McCormick who is always wearing an orange parka hood that covers half of his face (which is a shame, really, considering that Craig thinks he possesses a pretty face). But he goes on his way, all right. He thought about it all day. He feels that only Kenny can answer the questions boggling Craig’s mind right now. All of the others seem clueless too on what is happening to Craig (heck, Craig doesn’t even know what is happening to him), and only Kenny seems to have the answers. Those you-kept-saying-Kenny-died things they are babbling about are messing him up. He badly needs to know what is going on. 

Feeling again the déjà vu, Craig aims the window on Kenny’s room. The glass crashes, and there is a soft cry of ‘What the hell?’ coming from the inside. Kenny’s head pops out, and Craig immediately sees that the blonde boy has been crying. 

“What do you want?” Kenny hiccups. 

“We need to talk.” 

“Can’t you see I’m busy?” 

“I want to know something.” 

“Pussy licker,” Kenny curses. But he opens the window wide and so Craig climbs up the water pipe and jumps inside Kenny’s simple and messy room. 

Kenny does not offer him a seat. He just jumps on his bed and eats the tub of ice cream that he left lying there to open the window for Craig. He is still covered in tears as he does so. He is topless, too. Not that it matters. 

Craig stands near the bed and observes the boy before he says, “I’ll pay for the window.” 

Kenny frowns. “Of course you have to.” 

Instead of saying, ‘Wait, this happened before,’ he asks of him, “Why are you eating ice cream and crying at the same time?” 

“None of your goddamn business,” Kenny answers through a mouthful of his chocolate dessert. “Just shoot your question and let me be.” 

The unexpected guest sits on the bed with him then. He is feeling awkward and Kenny becomes wary but he goes on. “I am just wondering,” he begins. “People have been saying that I have been declaring for a couple of times in the past that you have died.” 

Kenny’s face hardens. “Well, isn’t that funny? They remember if someone announces my death but they don’t remember me actually dying. Stupid d-bags.” He takes another spoonful of the chocolate ice cream. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Nothing.” Kenny wipes his tears and snot hastily with a piece of his blanket. “If that’s your only concern then you shouldn’t have worried. The alien fixed your brain some time ago and you’re fine now. You can go on with your life. You won’t ever remember that I’m always dying and you won’t tell anyone about it. You’re fine. Just pay no attention to what they say.” 

As if anything Kenny said makes sense. “What?” Craig asks. 

“I said you’re not going insane.” 

“When did I ever say that I think I’m going insane? What I want to ask is why are they telling me that when I don’t even remember doing it? As if they know something I don’t.” 

“Well, how am I supposed to know, too? It’s not like I have a control over their minds.” 

Craig observes that Kenny is getting irritated and if he blows, the conversation will lead to nowhere and his visit will be for nothing. He tries to think of something to calm his friend (ex-boyfriend) down. 

“I’m sorry. I just thought you would know.” 

“I don’t. You’re barking at the wrong tree. Why don’t you go to hell?” 

Craig frowns. “You don’t need to be rude. I’m just—” 

“Shut up. I’m being serious. Go to hell and ask Damien yourself. Since he is the reason this is all happening. That pompous, dickhead, evil, idiot…” he grudgingly digs his spoon to the ice cream tub and takes another mouthful of it. And damn. Craig thinks, though inappropriate at the moment, that Kenny looks really adorable when angry. The shithead is cute. 

“Speaking of Damien,” Craig trails off, “how are the two of you lately? You weren’t in the dance with him last night.” 

“Oh, we’re fine,” Kenny sarcastically remarks. “He is just busy. If you’re worried that I have not given him a chance like you said I should, don’t. Because tomorrow morning, I’ll be practically married to him and my soul will be his for all of eternity. No thanks to you.” 

“You will be ‘practically married’? Tomorrow?” Craig asks. Ouch. Something stings inside his chest. 

“Yes,” Kenny sighs. 

“So… you are crying because of that?” 

Kenny throws the now empty tub to the trash bin beside the bed. “Yes,” he answers the inquiry. 

“Because you don’t want to? Be married to him, that is?” 

Kenny visibly considers the question and Craig becomes nervous at that. Kenny wipes the last of his tears and says, “I mean, I’ve always thought that we’re inevitable considering he alone knows who I really am and what I can do. Yes, I’ve mumbled about girls but let’s be real. It’s not like any woman, or any human for that matter, can know about my powers and live with that. There is Pip, but he’s just a friend. And Damien is always nice to me. He doesn’t show it, but he’s caring towards me. He’s kind of sassy, and now that I think about it, is stupidly hot. And don’t tell anyone about this, but there’s this one time, on his father’s Halloween party, he acted possessive of me when a hot actress started hitting on me. I told him to lay off but inside I kind of like turned on. I didn’t think much of it after until he confessed. But now…” 

Blah blah blah. Craig is getting pretty annoyed. He did not go all this way to this poor house just so he can hear Kenny talk about that motherfucking Damien Thorn. 

“…and of course, his father likes me. I mean, why wouldn’t he? After all the love advice I gave him when he was still with Saddam?” 

“So do you want to marry Damien, then?” Craig grits out. “Because at first you were crying like you hated it but all I hear is praises for him. What the fuck?” 

“What the hell am I supposed to do?” Kenny retorts. “I can’t escape him now so I might as well just look at the bright side of things. At least Damien owns 4,000+ servants.” 

“Fuck you, McCormick. We are not three months from our break up and you are all over another man.” 

“Suck my dick, Tucker. You slept with Tweek Tweak and ditched me for him for the dance. Honestly.” 

“Would you let me suck your dick?” 

“Say you love me first.” 

Craig huffs. “Why would I? I… I’m not…” 

A bright idea seems to enter Kenny’s mind. He sits upright. “That’s it!” he says excitedly. “Damien never said that we should mean our ‘I-love-you’s. Say you love me. Just say it, Craig.” 

“Why?” 

“Just say it. Don’t worry; I don’t feel anything for you, too. It’s just fascination. Damien told me. Just say it and our ‘wedding’ is off.” 

His heart sinks a little but he’s willing to do anything to stop whatever union is going to happen between Kenny and Damien tomorrow morning. Even if this is not the reason he is in here in the first place and even if he is puzzled by Kenny’s rumblings. “I love you,” he says. 

“I love you, too,” Kenny quickly replies, devoid of any feelings, Craig knows. 

They are quiet in the next moments, looking around the room, waiting for something to happen. 

“Did that work?” Craig asks. 

“I don’t know. We’ll see when I meet Damien in the morning.” 

That is not enough. “Maybe we should kiss?” Craig asks, never minding that maybe he’s been pushing it. 

Kenny smiles wryly. “Nah. I think that will suffice. Damien only said—” 

Craig shuts him up with a kiss. 

The lips underneath his do not move; cold and frozen like the body that it belongs to. Kenny whimpers and it sends vibrations down to Craig’s spine. Craig pulls back to look at Kenny’s expressions. The blonde looks pleading, heartbroken, almost crying. 

“Shhh…” Craig hushes, pushes at Kenny’s shoulders so he would lie flat on the bed, positions himself in between his legs. “Kenny…” he whispers and could have started undressing them both when the door opened. 

Karen McCormick is there again. And is her only purpose to interrupt the goings on in Kenny’s room just so she can say that it’s okay and prove to everyone that she’s really kind? Because that makes Craig hate his own sister, Ruby Tucker, now more than ever. 

Karen giggles, almost as if she’s happy to see that it’s Craig who is with Kenny. Kenny does not say anything. 

“Sorry,” Karen says. “I just thought of asking Kenny if he wants vanilla ice cream. But it seems someone is already cheering him up. Goodnight, Kenny. Thank you, Craig.” 

Craig stares at Kenny back down when she’s gone. He’s hoping that the blonde boy would be smiling because, Karen’s right, he’s here to cheer Kenny up. But the boy underneath is weeping, his eyes clouded with tears. Before he can ask what he is crying for, Kenny croaks weakly out, “You slept with Tweek.” 

Quickly piling up with shame inside, Craig awkwardly backs away from him. He moves away from the bed, looking down on his feet. Why did he sleep with Tweek? Why did he hurt Kenny? 

“I’m sorry,” he mutters. Kenny is sprawled on the bed, back to crying out loud, muffling it out with his pillow. His body is shaking terribly. 

“I’m sorry,” he says again. Kenny is not answering him. He wants to touch the boy but is too afraid he might shatter. So he quietly leaves without saying goodbye. 

2 

He doesn’t go home afterwards. He just walks aimlessly around town. His mind is blank. The numbness that he feels has nothing to do with the bitter cold, more like his aching heart and his struggle to find out the truth. He feels nothing. He thinks of nothing. 

When fatigue sets in, he finds himself by the Stark’s pond and he sits in the lone bench by it. Sleepiness does not visit him. He’s only looking at afar. He does not know how many hours passed. He does not care. Before long he sees the first rays of the sun, and that is when he is alerted. He stands up with a start. Kenny. The union. Damien. 

He runs back to the McCormick household, climbs the water pipe to Kenny’s room, and sees no boy in orange parka hood. He leaves the room by the door, goes down to the kitchen where the family is eating their first meal for the day. The McCormicks stare at him in surprise. But Kenny is not with them. 

“Where is Kenny?” he demands. 

“What is that boy doing here?” Stuart McCormick asks. 

“Kenny’s sleeping with Craig Tucker! Oh, my God!” his wife shrieks. 

“Stop being overdramatic!” Kevin scolds them. 

“He left early today,” Karen, being the angel that she is, answers Craig but worriedly. “He said he’s meeting someone in the school.” 

The school is closed for the day, it being Sunday. Of course, it would make sense that they are doing it where there are no people. Craig thanks Karen and runs out of the house. He takes the bus, and impatiently shouts at the driver to drive faster. Very soon, he reaches the school. He jumps above the gate and around the high school campus he keeps shouting on Kenny’s name. An hour or two passes when he thought he covered the whole school ground. ‘Shit,’ he thinks. ‘On times like this, I could have called on the other boys’ help.’ 

But deciding it would be too late for that, he goes on and reaches the school rooftop. 

There he is, sitting alone on the concrete there, his back on him. 

He breathes a sigh of relief and is about to call Kenny’s name when he realizes the blonde boy is not really alone. Damien is pacing back and forth in front of him. Craig quickly hides behind the door leading to the rooftop and curses. He keeps still to hear what they are talking of as he watches their every move. 

“So, did I win our bet?” Kenny is asking casually. 

Damien gives a short laugh of amusement. “You don’t know?” 

“He said he loves me, and I—” 

The boy with the jet black hair becomes serious. “No, you didn’t win, Kenny.” 

“But you didn’t tell me we should mean it.” 

“That’s a given, love. You won’t say you love someone if you don’t mean it, right? If you think you can outsmart me, stop that. It’s quite pitying.” 

“We kissed?” Kenny offers. 

“No. That is not what is needed and that is unnecessary.” 

“So… what am I going to do now? You won. I lose. I just… what?” 

Damien takes Kenny’s hand and pulls him up. “You need to die. Michael and the other angels are waiting for you. Since you lost, you have no choice but to join the war.” 

“Why are you sending me to them, then? Wouldn’t it be better if you take me away so you can win the war? I’m not saying you should but it’s just not making sense.” 

“Sometimes, I like to tick my father off,” Damien explains curtly, still holding Kenny’s hands. “I believe they will train you. With the training and the war, you would be gone for three months. After that, you return here to South Park and that is when our deal begins to apply. You belong to me from then on. But for now, we need to go. Someone has been dying to meet you.” 

Fire begins to encircle the both of them, and from the shadows the image of the Grimm Reaper surfaces. It’s growing, and growing big, and soon it departs from the shadows and becomes a real entity, towering before Kenny and Damien. Its scythe gleams against the late morning sunlight. 

Kenny watches it calmly. ‘Greeting death like an old friend,’ Craig thinks, remembering the line from a Harry Potter book. Having had enough, Craig pushes the door open. “Kenny!” he shouts. 

The blonde boy is stunned to see him there. The other boy, Damien, smirks. “You finally revealed yourself, Tucker. How nice. I thought you’re just going to stand there, shitting yourself.” 

“I’ll save you!” he shouts at the Kenny again. 

Kenny only shakes his head calmly, as if contented. “It’s alright, Craig. It’s my fault, anyway. I never should have believed I felt something to you in the first place. Or you to me. It’s all just fascination, see? But I would be back in three months. You will forget everything by then.” 

Damien is laughing all the way. “Oh, my dear, oblivious, Kenny. I’ve never thought getting you would be this simple.” 

Kenny’s face falls. “What do you mean?” 

“Nothing. It’s just that it’s so easy to plant an idea in your head.” 

Death swings his scythe. Kenny’s ghost goes with it. Craig can see it crying, shrieking, and trying to break free from the Reaper’s bony grasp. His lifeless body hits the ground. Damien disappears then, but his laughter still echoes in Craig’s ears. The fire is gone. Death is gone. It’s only Kenny’s body and Craig left in the school rooftop. 

Craig walks to Kenny. His legs feel like giving in. He is becoming out of breath as he becomes closer. He is crying. He drops to his knees before the body of the boy who believes he loved at one point in life (and maybe still loves). 

Kenny’s body is cold, and his eyes are still open. 

Stupid Kenny. Does he really think I will forget all these? Damien asks himself. To see the death of a friend and forget about it? Who does that? 

He still does not what is going on, how it all came to be, and why did it end up like this. And he hates it. Even more, he hates that he has done nothing to stop it. If only he can see Kenny one last time. But it’s too late. He’s dead. And no one can come back from the death. No one… Right?


	17. Chapter 17

When the three months was over, Kenny returns home to South Park in lighter spirits. Heaven wins, as it always should be. Hell lost, as forever would be. Kenny did his job well done, and it made the Archangel Michael happy. Of course, it did not prevent the great angel from giving a prophesy that another war would be fought in the future, but for the moment, Kenny is relieved off his duty. 

He returns as mentioned in South Park, surfacing there, like always, in his bed. And like always he felt like waking up after a long sleep. He rubs at his eyes, and looks around his dim room. It’s quiet. He looks at his bedside clock and sees that it’s quarter to midnight. He heaves a sigh. Mere hours passed when he was in heaven, but three months in this mundane world. He wonders what changes in this simple town awaits him. 

Still a little tired, he lays his back again to bed. His thumbs and wrists feel sore. Damn, all that button pressing and green screens and pixelated demons and angels. Michael better pray that the next “great” war take place so far off the future, when Kenny finally figure out how to die permanently so that that heavy duty shall not fall upon his shoulders. Or else, he will banish the archangel in hell himself. 

He was close to falling asleep when his phone, which was where he left it three months past, lights up. 

It was a text from Stan, instructing him to go to his house immediately. 

Not an hour has passed since his return, and his “dear” friends are already troubling him, Kenny thinks. He wants to rest, sleep for ages, but becoming overcome with great worry and curiosity to what is Stan is all about this time, he says, “Fuck it,” leaves through the window and curses himself when he realizes he has forgotten his parka halfway to his friend’s household. 

Kenny reaches Stan’s house, finds the light inside on Stan’s room, knocks on it, and waits. Stan appears seconds later, his eyes wide in panic. Relief, however, washes it away as he realizes it is Kenny. 

“Come inside. Quick!” he tells him. He opens the window only wide enough to let the orange parka hooded boy in. 

The scene around Kenny makes him speechless, especially not in a good way. 

Butters is beaten badly, that’s obvious. He is unconscious on Stan’s bed. His head is covered in thick bandages. His cheeks are swollen. And he seems to be out of breath. 

Cartman is on his bedside with a tight expression. Kyle and Craig (?!) are on the floor, nursing their own wounds on their knees and the backs of their head. 

“What happened?” Kenny asks. 

“How did you escape?” Stan asks back. When Kenny only gives him a puzzled look, Stan goes back to look out of the window. “We’re still waiting for Token and Clyde. God, I hope they’re okay.” 

“This is your entire fault!” Kyle stands up indignantly from the floor and points at Cartman. “You… You! Fatass!” 

Cartman only sends him an irritated look. “Fuck off, Kyle.” 

Okay. Kenny needs to know what is happening. So even though he has no idea what is going on, he says, “Kyle’s right.” 

Cartman scoffs. Bingo. “Shut up, Kinny. As if you didn’t see it all coming!” 

“We thought your only plan was to make the three of us go to the dance with you three months ago?” Kyle demands. 

“I couldn’t care less about the lot of you. You should have known that all my plans, especially my super awesome plans, lead to Scott Tenorman’s death!” 

Stan calmly interjects, “Yes. You couldn’t care less. Now Butters is badly injured and it’s all on you. It’s all on you, too, that Scott and his gang are still hunting for us and we can’t be safe in my house for too long.” 

Kenny whistles. ‘Oh, that’s why.’ 

Cartman scoffs again. “Whatever. We’ll just continue with the plan.” 

“No!” Kyle snaps. “This has to stop now. If they find us, we’ll talk to them. We’ll apologize. Maybe they’ll listen.” 

“You’re even more stupid than Cartman is. Heck,” Craig finally says, after moments of just watching the three boys squabble. “Do you think they will actually listen? They will cut off your throat long before you can say, ‘Oi vey.’” 

There are minutes of tension after Craig’s last statement. Cartman goes back into watching over Butters while Kyle goes to the window to look out. Stan stares at Kenny. “How did you escape?” he asks again. “How many are they?” 

Kenny just shrugs. “There was nobody when I left the house. Who are we waiting for?” Kenny asks. “Shouldn’t we be on the move right now?” 

“Token and Clyde. Token called earlier. They were surrounding his house, too. They were here, too, earlier. Shelley had scared them away. You know, this being her time of the month. Lucky for me.” Stan gives a sheepish smile. 

“I should watch over Butters,” Cartman murmurs, not taking his eyes of the battered boy. 

“So, you’ll stay here?” Stan asks. “You can’t. They will return. We better head to—” 

“Well, you already said that it’s my fault what happened to Butters!” Cartman moans. “What do you want me to do?” 

“Can’t Liane do anything to stop your psychotic half-brother?” Kenny finds himself asking. He thought his question is very valid until all of the boys in the room glare at him. “What?” 

“As if mum can help me when she’s in Italy,” Cartman says with a roll of his eyes. “She won’t return until next month. That stupid whore is really enjoying her vacation.” 

“So…” 

“So, we’re on our own, dumbass! Gosh, Kinny, why are you so poor and stupid,” Cartman proclaims. 

Kenny shrugs. _How would I know? And you just called your own mother a whore, Fatass._

“You have any idea what they would do to us once they catch us?” Kenny asks again. 

“Worse than what they did to Butters. I don’t want to think about it,” Stan answers. 

“Hush!” Kyle hisses. “I hear something.” They stand motionless in the heat of the room and listen. Kenny hears wheels, rolling against the snowy grounds… boys – no – men’s laughter, quickly approaching the Marsh household. “Quick! The lights!” 

Craig reaches for it by the door and turns off the fluorescent lights in the ceiling. Cartman does also to the bedside lamp and quickly dodges under the bed. Stan closes the window and cowers in the dark along with Kyle and Kenny. 

“Oh, Stan! Yoohoo!” a voice Kenny does not recognize taunts outside the window. “I know you’re in there! You and your friends!” 

“Just bring us Cartman and maybe we’ll consider raising your punishment.” This time Kenny is sure that was Scott Tenorman talking. 

“Oh,Staaan!” A taunt from a different voice. “Don’t make us climb through your window! Just so you know, we have guns.” More laughter. 

Kenny is never afraid of death. Death, which is the greatest mystery in the human history, is mere pastime to him. What those punks outside threat them with has no effect whatsoever to him. It should not come off as a big surprise. And so, having Scott and his little friends goad them about killing them is really rather irritating for him. Only those who are prepared to die themselves have the right to kill, he read that off somewhere. Right now, those amateurish freaks outside only talk as if they own the whole world and has never considered the idea that possibly they would die early. 

Unlike his friends, Kenny observes, who just now has gotten that idea. They are all scared, shaking. Even the seemingly emotionless Craig is trembling in fear. On Kenny’s right, Stan and Kyle hold hands as if bracing themselves for the doom that is to come. Cartman tries to hold himself but he starts to weep. Butters sleeps peacefully. 

There are footsteps approaching outside. There are giggling, too. 

_Maybe I ought to distract them,_ Kenny decides. _Show myself, burst through the window and run outside. If I die tonight, well, who the fuck cares? Damien will have to fetch me sooner or later anyway. But then… how many are they outside? If I run through them and some will chase me, there could be enough left of them to take care of my friends._

_What has Cartman done?_

They are in front of Stan’s window. Kenny can see their silhouette when he tilted his head up. There was a snicker. 

_So much for a homecoming,_ Kenny thinks without humor. 

“I still hate you guys,” Cartman whispers hoarsely, as if saying goodbye. 

And then… 

“You stupid scumbags! I told you never to return here anymore. I will kill you!” 

Shelly Marsh. Outside of the house, facing Stan’s bullies. 

The five boys inside the room exchange a look. 

“Get out of here, you bitch!” They hear Scott say. But he sounds scared as well. 

“I will tell you who needs to get out, you ginger swine! You and your stupid faggot friends. You’re disturbing my sleep.” There is stomping, and very soon Kenny and the rest hear bones crackling and a great many unmanly crying. They hear no gunshots so possibly those rascals were lying about bringing guns or maybe they have no chance to use their weapons. Stan’s sister is an Amazon especially during her period. 

“Come on. We just want your brother!” It was the first voice they heard taunting outside that spoke. 

“Listen here, you noob. Nobody will kill that turd. That’s my job!” Shelly seethes. “Now get out of here before I turn your bones to bats to knock Stan with.” 

They hear them running away, scared little kittens. 

“We’ll get you, Stan!” one of them shouts before they hear a car driving away. 

The five boys sit still, still in disbelief that they are still alive… and saved by a girl. 

Said girl knocks on Stan’s window a minute later. Stan gets up shakily and opens it and immediately tumbles on the floor when Shelly punches him in the faces He sits up and covers his bleeding nose. Kyle dives to him quickly to assist while Shelly is laughing maniacally by the window. 

“Stupid turd. Oh, you’re so much in trouble. I will tell mom,” she says. 

But Stan is smiling gratefully to Shelly. It makes his sister fluster. 

“Thank you,” Stan says, his eyes shining. 

“S-stupid turd,” Shelly stutters and runs away from the window, back inside the house and into her room. 

Even when she has left, the five boys are still staring by the window in awe. Their asses are saved for the night. How would they survive the next few days, they will have to worry about that later. 

Cartman giggles. “Guys, we are just saved by a girl… b-by Stan’s sister,” he says. “That’s so gay, you guys.” 

They ignored him. 

2 

They received a call from Token not long after. Token told them that Scott’s gang just passed by his house and that’s all. Clyde texted them, confirming that he’s still alive. Then Butters’ friend, a younger student named Dougie whose residence is near Hell’s Pass, called them to report that he saw Scott and friends rushed inside the hospital earlier. Shelly got them good. 

After all of those calls, Kenny tells his friends that he has to go home now. It is decided that they leave the house at the same time, with Stan walking Kyle home, and Kenny and Craig going on in the same direction. They have decided to leave Butters with Cartman as his watcher for the night. 

On Kenny’s phone, it says that it is now two in the morning. It is too early to be out in the streets, but what the hell. And there’s school later on. Kenny was really looking forward for that long resting time but now it’s gone. 

Craig has been quiet in their journey, Kenny realizes. He watches him from the corners of his eyes. The taller boy is deep in thought. Briefly he wonders if he remembers the last time they met, in the school rooftop three months ago. If he remembers him dying or him screaming, “I’ll save you, Kenny!” Kenny shakes his head. _No. He does not remember. If he does he should have freaked out when he saw me earlier and exclaimed that I am supposed to be dead… like before._

“Refresh my memory,” Kenny says suddenly, causing Craig to look at him with a start. “What have we done again to make Scott so pissed at us?” 

For a moment Craig does not answer. He’s only staring at Kenny. Then, after a while, he seems to catch himself and he clears his throat. “We… I mean, you and your friends, you started hanging out in Cartman’s house more frequently. Then you guys also started inviting Tweek, Token, Clyde, and me. One night, when Scott’s friends were also in that house, Clyde and one of his buddies got into a brawl. Then Cartman and Scott got into a heated argument. After that night, both Fatass and the ginger started making torture plans for each other. First, Cartman invited Radiohead in Scott’s workplace and they humiliated him in front of everybody. Then Scott and his friends shaved their pubic hairs and glued it on sleeping Cartman’s face to make a beard. The last… well, Butters and Cartman videotaped Scott and his girlfriend during coitus and… the rest of us were the first audience of that video clip. Cartman and Clyde made a thousand copies of that sex tape. They were hidden under a shed in Tweek’s backyard. The fat one plans to sell those on our school festival.” 

His exposition of the messed up tale of the two brothers, Kenny thinks, is very detailed. Not that Kenny wants to complain. Heavens, he needed every detail he can get before he goes along again with Cartman’s flow but it is still a little weird. It is as if Craig’s explanations are for someone who is not a witness to any of those instances. 

Craig must have read his mind for he clears his throat again and looks away from Kenny. “I’m sorry… I just can’t seem to find you in any of those…” he trails off. 

Kenny frowns. “What?” 

They are nearing a corner now where they will separate paths. 

“It’s just… I don’t think I remember you being with us in a long time. In fact,” he stares directly at Kenny’s eyes. There is a lot of confusion Kenny finds on those pair of blue orbs belonging to the raven-haired boy. “In fact, it feels like this is first time I’ve seen you again after so long.” 

Kenny becomes perplexed as well. He returns Craig’s questioning and confused stare. How did he know? Did another alien visit affected Craig again? Could Kenny begin to hope? 

The Tucker boy snaps off from their staring round. “Sorry. I must have been too stressed. Scott has been on our tail for the past two weeks after Liane won a vacation package to Italy. Not that I need to remind you that. So…” he looks at where he will make his turn. “See you later in school, Kenny,” he says and quickly leaves. 

Kenny watches him until he disappears on the dark shadows of the alley. Speechless and mind numb, that is all he can do. He does not know what all these things with Craig meant. He wants to find out. He wants to follow him but he can’t. He is under Damien’s contract now.


	18. Chapter 18

He died during the wee hours of the morning, hit by a stupid patrol car that was making its rounds. He died just ten minutes after parting with Craig. When he comes to, he was in hell, and Damien was in front of him, grinning, happy. He wanted to lecture him, tell him how frustrating it is how he could not wait – how he is so anxious – to get a hold of his new “possession”. But before Kenny can voice it out, he was met by a fierce hug, a short kiss, and an odd request. 

2 

Even those who do not know Kenny very much in South Park High School notice the black parka hood. They look at the poor boy that morning and note the difference and immediately ask Kenny about the change. His quick answer, “Damien wants me in black,” is immediately accepted, but after a good while of thinking through it, they decide the answer does not really make sense. By then Kenny has already ran away from them, away from their probing questions. 

They, the students, also take note of Damien Thorn and his almost-sunny disposition that morning. The son of the prince of darkness, who usually brings in the gloom, is in good mood. _That’s creepy_ , few students think. _Has the ending of the world been planned already?_

And most of all, they note the closeness between Kenny and Damien that day. That part is where they shrug off immediately and mind their own businesses thereafter. They don’t care whether Kenny and Damien are fucking. And after the certain fiasco three months ago, about Kyle and Stan and Cartman and a girl with herpes and a certain book, they know better than to deal with this new shit. And besides, they have their Stan X Kyle fanarts to think about. 

“Summer vacation finally starts next week,” Clyde reminds his friends during free period where they are seated in the farthest corner of the school cafeteria. (Craig Tucker must be celebrating inside of him for this extended elementary reunion. One may remember about his certain sentiments regarding high school in the past.) 

“Let’s celebrate,” the Donovan boy continues. “Goodbye, Junior year. Hello Senior.” 

His friends, however stressed, smile tiredly at the proposition. Hell, they needed the stress-reliever. 

“We still have the Scott-problem. How do you expect us to celebrate?” asks the now downer, Kyle. Everyone, including his now-boyfriend, Stan, glares at him for this. 

“I’m serious!” he continues. “We can’t celebrate anything while someone is trying to kill us.” He takes a deep breath. “I have a plan. And… you may not like it. But I’ve pondered about this for these past two days. It is the only way to stop this… this mess. It may involve a little-going-behind Cartman’s back, but what—” 

“I may have to stop you right there, dude,” Token interrupts. “That’s not just a bad idea. That will lead us certainly to more disaster. Seriously.” 

“What do you propose?” Tweek urges Kyle to continue. 

“Talk secretly to Scott. Convince him we could be trusted. Destroy all the tapes. It will all end there. Cartman can hold on his own. He did it to himself anyway.” 

They are all giving him death glares now. Kenny’s, however, was only full of wonder. 

Kyle sighs. “What is it, Kenny?” 

“Mmmmph mmmph mmmm mph.” 

“I am perfectly fine! I am not retarded!” the Jewish boy defends himself. 

Craig is shaking his head. “You just ‘improved’ your plan of talking to Scott by saying we do it now behind Cartman’s fat back. I told you. That ginger will never listen to reasons.” 

“And Clyde is the very reason this whole mess began,” Token reminds them, causing Clyde to frown at him. “Remember the fight? So I think it’s not fair to leave Cartman on his own. And, dare I say, we did enjoy watching the tape.” 

“Only because of the girl!” Kevin Stolley puts in. “Scott does not know proper penetration if it bites him in the backside!” 

“TMI! Jesus Christ. TMI,” Stan comments with a shake of his head. 

Token is talking to Kyle again. “And, may I also remind you, that lunacy runs in the blood of the Cartman-Tenorman family? How do you know you can talk to him and tell him to stop?” 

“How do you know I cannot? We haven’t tried ever,” Kyle counters. 

“Stan, _talk_ some _sense_ to your boyfriend, will you?” Craig asks. 

Kyle is getting annoyed. “Cartman got us into this mess. I think it’s only fair—” 

“So we allow him to get us out of this,” Token suggests. “ _That_ is fair.” 

“Whatever. You guys have your stress-reliever celebration while Scott and his friends may already be waiting for us outside this very campus while we talk, waiting to kill us,” Kyle says grudgingly. 

“Good. Then you can practice your little talk to that Weasley-wannabe until school ends this afternoon,” Clyde says. His little suggestion causes Kevin to bark a laugh and Stan to smile. 

“Stan, _slap_ some sense to your boyfriend, will you?” Craig asks. 

“Where is Cartman, anyway?” asks Kevin. 

Stan answers. “In our house. Watching over Butters. Don’t worry. I bribed Shelly with concert ticket to her favorite band so she would guard the house.” 

“See, Kyle? Cartman does not abandon his friends in times like this. Why would we?” Token asks. 

Clyde snickers. “Yeah. Cartman and Butters will probably do _The Vow_ when Butters wakes up and be all Nicholas Sparks.” 

Token frowns. “ _The Vow_ is not written by Sparks.” 

Clyde copies the expression on his face. “How do you know?” 

Token’s frown deepens. “How do you not know?” 

Kyle’s frown outdoes theirs. “I’m still doing it.” 

“Stan, _ram_ some sense into your boyfriend’s fucking throat, will you?” Craig asks. 

Finally, fucking finally, Damien – whose third period just ended – passes by them in the cafeteria and motions Kenny to go with him. Kenny is internally glad to be away from the troubles and nonsense his friends are talking. What a headache. 

“Hey, Damien,” Stan calls as Kenny is walking to the demon. “Why did you make Kenny wear black? He looked better in orange, damn you. And it’s summer!” 

Damien only smiles at him (still in his good mood) as he slides a hand around Kenny’s waist. “It’s not something you can decide, Stan Marsh.” 

“Damien, you’re a demon, right? You have some magical voodoo powers?” Clyde asks, disrupting Damien’s attempt to walk away from them. “Could you help us eliminate some guys who have been bugging us?” 

“I refuse to lend a hand to your human affairs,” Damien says, that smile still plastered on his face. 

_Creepy,_ Clyde thinks. 

“Besides,” Damien adds. “Where’s the fun in stopping a fight?” 

Craig follows Damien and Kenny carefully with his eyes as they leave. His eyes return to his friends when the latter two were out of sight, but his mind is still on them. As his friends discuss what a cheeky little bugger Damien is, he is thinking when and where did he see Damien last just before this moment. 

3 

After his last period, Craig goes to his afternoon habit in a room near the principal’s office: detention. 

He sits quietly on the far back of the room, refusing to do his homework, and just stares quietly out the window. When, suddenly someone is taking the seat beside him. He looks up and sees its Kenny. 

“Mr. McCormick, pull that seat quietly. Please,” Mr. Asimov instructs in a hushed tone in front. 

Kenny gives him a peace sign before flopping down on his seat. He beams at Craig. 

Craig smiles back. 

Quite excited to be diverted from this boring detention, Craig pulls out a notepad from his backpack and writes. 

_What happened?_

He slides the pad across to Kenny. He watches him read the short note and pull a pen from his pocket and reply. 

_Hailed Christopher Columbus and Mr. Bean in Ms. Berger’s class. Forgot that she hates all men. You?_

_Nah. I forgot why._

Kenny laughs a little at that. 

_Fuck off. Kyle and Stan want me to join them into talking to Scott. What to do?_

_Blow them off. Kyle is an idiot._

_Then?_

_Then wait for Shelly Marsh to come and defend us._

Kenny can’t help it this time. He laughed aloud. Luckily, Mr. Asimov only put a finger in his lips in a hush sign and did not give him or Craig another hour. 

4 

The two left school together quietly. In the now deserted streets, the silence is quite comfortable between them so neither one break it. It was when they pass a restaurant and saw Bebe and Clyde hanging out together inside that Craig is reminded of something. 

“Where is Damien?” he asks. 

“Mmmph,” Kenny answers, also pointing out that Damien really has no place to stay in on Earth so he has no choice but to be back on hell. 

Craig studies Kenny for a while then he awkwardly watches at his feet as they walk. “So… you and Damien now, huh? Is that what the black parka is all about? Matching clothes and whatnot?” 

The shorter boy nods curtly. With their height difference and the hood covering his face, Craig cannot study properly what Kenny’s expression is. 

Kenny looks up at him. “Mmmph Mmmp?” 

Not knowing if he’s joking or not, Craig grimaces. “Where the fuck have you gotten that idea? I am _not _dating Tweek. He is seeing the transferee. Come on, we were all there when Tweek announced he made her agree to go out with him. They have been for two months now.”__

But Craig’s memory fails him again in remembering Kenny being with them in the past months. He can’t really remember. He really can’t. 

Kenny is looking suddenly nervous. They have stopped walking now, in front of the movie house. So Craig scrutinizes him with a look and Kenny looks down to avoid it. And Craig asks – because for the life of him he really does not know why it feels this is only the time again he is with this boy – very, very carefully: “Where were you really in the past months, Kenny? Where have you been?” 

Like a deer in the headlights, Kenny only stands struck in front of him. He begins to answer but he is stuttering. Craig watches him struggle for an answer. 

Then Kenny’ phone rings loudly, breaking all the tension. 

Kenny answers it. 

“KINNY! KINNY!” Craig hears from his phone. Damn Cartman and his stupid, loud, whiny voice. He can hear him from here. Even so, he leans in forward to Kenny to hear more from the conversation. Kenny does not protest but only replies to Cartman. 

“Mm?” 

“Tell me you’re alive and safe!” 

“Mmmph?” 

“That damn, stupid Jew. He was thinking of going on behind me but… But it does not matter now, Kinny. We have to move fast. Go to a place somewhere safe. Wait! Go to our Headquarters, instead.” 

“Mmmm mmmmph mrph!” Kenny demands, starting to get annoyed. 

Craig hears a sigh from the other end. “Kinny, Kyle has been captured by Scott Tenorman. Stan was close to being capture too but he escaped. He is the one who told me. Stan said he and Kyle found Scott and his friends waiting outside the school this afternoon. Instead of trying to escape like a real human would do, that Jew wanted to talk “some sense” to the ginger. That’s what happened.” 

Craig groans in frustration when he hears that. 

“Mmmph?” Kenny asks. 

“We kill Kyle. That is what we are going to do.” 

“Mrm!” 

“What? He might tell them where we hide the tapes. That will jeopardize my awesome plan.” 

“Mmmmphr mrmpfm—” 

“Fine, fine. But you still need to go to our headquarters. And gather all our friends if you see them.” 

“Mmrhrph?” 

“Isn’t it obvious? This has gone on far too long enough. Justice has to be done. We are calling Coon and Friends.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case, anyone is wondering now. I don’t access the Internet daily these days. The time I do is to only update this fic (which I know is taking too long, sorry) and some other important stuffs *nudge nudge* *wink wink*. That is to say, that is the reason I am not able to reply to all of your comments. I think I have to say it because, you know, I don’t mean to appear like I don’t appreciate your comments. Which I really do. I LOVE your comments! Keep the love coming.  
> T-that’s all… I think. Okay, bye.

_The world is yet again in peril._

_Good men may come and go. Good men may rest. But the bad and the rotten will always wait in the shadows, waiting for the rare opportunity to attack and destroy the world and faith in humanity._

_We should have remembered that._

_Three years ago, after defeating the Revived Evil Cthulhu in New York City, Coon and Friends decided to bury our superhero identities – and responsibilities – forever, thinking that the ultimate evil has been defeated and good is finally bestowed to the world._

_But now, three years afterwards, another evil form is threatening the welfare of the world. This new villain, who is a total loser and a redheaded no-good dick-sucking dimwit, planned to eliminate our heroes one by one._

_The peace that our heroes have found for three years has been disrupted. Danger is calling to them. Will they be able to stop the impending doom? Will they be able to take back the peaceful life they rightfully deserved? Will th—_

“Will you just shut up, Cartman?! Just tell us what to do!” 

The Coon stares warily at the masked brunette before him. Then the mighty leader rolls his eyes. 

“You shut your trap, Toolshed! And I am not Cartman. Who is Cartman, by the way? My name is Coon.” 

_Will they be able to stop Scott Tenorman and his friends before it’s too late?_ He continues narrating. _Only time will tell._

_In this son-of-a-bitch, guilt-ridden world, the quest for peace continues…_

2 

On his right in the long table are Mysterion, Wonder Tweek, Mosquito, and Tupperwear. On his left rests Toolshed, Super Craig, and Storm Trooper Kevin. And on the far right of the Marshes basement, an unconscious Professor Chaos and a wary General Disarray are enclosed behind bars, below a wall clock that tells them it is now ten in the evening. 

The Coon looks them over with approval (except for the Stolley boy who dared enter the Headquarters in nothing but a cosplay). He nods with satisfaction. 

They have been making plans for the attack now. They were sure it is in Cartman’s house that the group of villains who have taken Human Kite made a camp. Where else would Scott be? The redhead had always wanted to claim the house as his. 

Toolshed was inconsolable at first. He kept blaming Coon for what happened to Human Kite and for all that’s happened. As if Coon is not guilty enough for Professor Chaos’ tragic fate. However, after Toolshed’s outburst, he managed to calm himself down and listen to what Coon has in mind. 

“We attack in the early morning, at dawn,” Coon announces. 

At that, Toolshed begins crying again. “Are you insane?! Kyle may not survive the night.” 

“They won’t expect us that time,” the leader presses on. “While they are watching for us all through the night, we’ll tire them by waiting for us. Scott is an imbecile twerp. He’ll never think that.” 

Toolshed whispers, “But Kyle…” 

“Human Kite is smart. I’m sure he’ll be all right,” Mosquito puts in. 

“Yes, he can talk his way,” Coon agrees. “How do you think Jews survived this long in the planet? I have to give them points for that.” 

The lover of the Human Kite tries to calm down but in his seat he is still fidgeting. 

“And what do you suppose we should do now?” Mysterion asks in favor of his anxious friend. “What are we going to do to kill time, then?” 

“Mysterion,” Coon addresses with a point of his finger. “I appoint you to lead drawing a plan to attack Tenorman’s base. Super Craig, Toolshed, Tupperware. Help Mysterion do it. I gave him permission to give you orders. Do what he has to say. Tupperware, I also assign you to guard these damn butt-licking heathens here,” he points at the prison cell of General Disarray and Professor Chaos. “Make sure they won’t escape.” 

The general frowns. “Why did you have to do this? My boss is still asleep. Even if he wakes up, he would still be too weak. We can’t possibly—” 

“We can’t trust you at any rate,” Coon says firmly. 

“What if we go hungry?” 

“You got poop, don’t cha?” Coon asks sarcastically. He turns to Tupperware. “Do I have your word that you won’t let them out?” 

“Aye, aye, sir,” Tupperware answers. 

“Good. Wonder Tweek and you, misplaced Stormtrooper, get those precious videotapes and meet me in Phil Collins Hills afterwards. Make sure nobody will see you. As for you, Mosquito. You’re coming with me. We have somebody – or somebodies – to visit.” 

“Who or whos?” Mosquito wheezes. 

“I’ll tell you on the way.” He stands up. “Mysterion, I will give you a call once our visit is done. By that time, you should have all the plans outlined. Me and Mosquito shall return here then, relay to us what you’ve planned, and then we’re on the roll. Copy?” 

“Yes.” 

“Very well, our coon-ference is adjourned. Men, these are hard times. I know. But we shall never give up. Come on. Raise your hands with me. One, two, three. To victory!” 

No one budges. 

“Aw, don’t be shy, guys. Once again. One two three. To victory!” 

Super Craig gives him the finger. 

“Fuck you, guys. Mosquito, let’s go.” 

3 

_The Coon sets out on his mission, hoping against hope that time will be on their side, even if it’s only for the night. On that dark night, as he and Mosquito walk on the quiet streets of South Park, he confesses to his companion._

“Mosquito, I know that our group is strong, but…” 

“But what?” 

“But I am afraid that our strength is not enough to defeat the enemies. So tonight, we are looking for people who can and will help us without second thoughts.” 

Mosquito thinks it over. “Okay. That could work. So are we going to report this to the police?” 

“Are you retarded?” Coon asks in disbelief. “Haven’t you watched a lot of superhero movies? The cops come in at the end of the great battle, if they ever come at all. They are idiot, useless employees and they stay that way. Nothing can change that. God, I should have brought Kevin instead. At least he would know.” 

“What about Police Academy?” 

“What about you stop changing the topic and fucking listen to me? I have a list.” But before he produce the list from his pockets Mosquito is talking again. 

“What about Mysterion’s boyfriend, Damien? He has powers.” 

“The last time the love of someone’s life got involved in a superhero battle, he or she died. Love always gets in the way. Here!” He shoves the paper to Mosquito’s hands. The receiver examines the names there carefully. Then he looks at Coon disbelievingly. 

“Are you sure this is going to work?” 

“To fight the ultimate evil, sometimes you must make friends with enemies. Trust me. Now go. I have a list on my own. I’ll call you in three hours. You must have all those people in the list by then. Then we meet Wonder Tweek and Stormtrooper Kevin.” 

“I understand,” Mosquito nods determinedly. 

“Good luck, hero,” Coon says and disappears into the darkness, making his way to Alamosa Maximum Security Juvenile Hall. 

4 

Super Craig stares into the open basement window wonderingly. He stares blankly at it for a few more moments and, with his eyes still glued into it, speaks loudly. “Guys, I think Toolshed just bailed on us.” 

Tupperware looks at the window too, and then angrily says, “Shit. That idiot will save Human Kite on his own. What is he thinking?” 

“He’ll die young. He will die out there. I’m telling you.” 

“We can’t let that happen. Should we follow him?” 

“Let him,” Mysterion says knowingly. “With his troubled mind, he won’t be able to be of any help anyway. Come on. Back to the table.” 

“The Coon will throw a fit if he finds out,” Tupperware retorts. 

“Then we’ll formulate a plan and make as if Toolshed escaping from us is part of it,” Mysterion answers with a smirk. 

Tupperware nods while Super Craig (intentionally or not) deadpans, “Damn, you’re so smart, Mysterion. We should hang out together sometime. You and I.” 

Mysterion chokes, his voice slipping back to Kenny’s. “I have someone waiting for me. You know that.” 

“Yeah. But it’s not as if he’s not a total jackass,” Craig says, straight-faced. “Honestly, you can do better than him.” 

“We’ll discuss this later, or maybe, never. Whatever.” 

“Never would be better,” Tupperware suggests. “Like seriously, the fuck. We have no time for unresolved sexual tension moments, okay?” 

Mysterion glares at Super Craig. The latter only shrugs in return and makes his way to the table and to him. 

“I do have the time,” General Disarray speaks from the holding cell. “I have all night. I can watch.” 

6 

“What was that all about?” Mysterion asks Super Craig as he followed him in the kitchen when the latter wanted to grab some drinks. 

“What was what?” Super Craig asks, head peaking inside the Marsh’s refrigerator. 

“E-earlier. When you… Damn you. Were you hitting on me just then?” he asks shrilly, not using his usual raspy Mysterion voice. 

Super Craig looks up from the refrigerator to stare wonderingly at the boy, a cold drink already in his hand. Mysterion waits for his reply. 

“Dude, Mysterion. You sound like my friend Kenny.” 

The hooded superhero gapes. “Fuck you!” he takes of his mask. “I am Kenny, bastard!” 

“I didn’t know that,” Craig deadpans. “Never crossed my mind that you are Mysterion, Kenny.” 

“But you knew Mysterion is seeing Damien.” 

“I never said that it’s Damien.” 

It feels like having a headache. “All right. You’re changing the topic. Just answer the question.” 

Craig turns quiet. “What does it matter if I was?” he says finally. “I could at least try…” 

Flustered now, Kenny looks away. “Fuck,” he mutters angrily. “Fuck! Fuck! What is all these?” 

“Relax, Kenny.” 

But the taller boy with raven-colored hair and a paper taped on his shirt saying ‘Super Craig’ just does not understand the situation. And isn’t it that what he asked of Kenny is the closest confession of feelings Kenny can get from him these days? But Craig does not understand. 

Kenny closes his eyes. “Why are you telling me all these things now?” 

Craig actually laughs. “I was not sure before. You weren’t here to help me make up my mind.” 

The blonde opens his eyes and looks questioningly at the boy opposite him. “You know I disappeared?” 

“I’m not sure. But I know you weren’t with us these past months. The last time… the last time I’m sure I last saw you was in the dance.” 

“The dance?” 

“Yes. Then you returned from God-knows-where and God-knows-how. And I can’t understand because I know you were missing the time I saw you in Stan’s house last night, but all of our friends…” 

‘So he still has no memory,’ Kenny muses. 

Craig says, “Help me understand. I think I’m losing my mind.” 

“I don’t know how that happened too,” Kenny answers truthfully. 

“I thought so. You look as lost as I am every time I tell you what I’ve told you.” 

“Yeah.” Kenny starts to put back his mask on. 

“But I remember I wanted to see you after the dance. I remember wanting to talk to you. Maybe ask you to forgive me for what Tweek and I did. Maybe—” 

“Stop right there. This talk will lead nowhere, I’m telling you. I’m with Damien now.” 

Craig frowns. “I can wait until you realize—” 

“All you need to realize is how late you are,” Kenny says sadly. “I’m under an indestructible contract with Damien. I belong to him now.” 

“Surely, you can’t be serious—” 

“I am serious. Even though I want to be with you, I can’t. You’re late in realizing how you feel about me and he has taken possession of me. The whole situation has changed.” 

Craig smiles at him. It is angry and condescending. “What dick you are. Instead of telling me directly you don’t like me and you’d rather be with that stinking devil, you have to make excuses and lie. You don’t need to comfort me with your blunder, Kenny.” 

Kenny only sighs. “I doubt you’ll ever understand the whole deal, Craig. I hope you do someday. In the meantime,” he puts on his mask then speaks in a low, guttural voice, “let’s go back to the base, Super Craig. There are plans to draw.” 

Super Craig crashes the canned drink in his hand and throws it in the nearest bin. “Whatever you say, Mysterion.” 

7 

_The night drags on._

_It is a long, bitter night. Full of despair, of malice. As the Coon looks around, from his left to his right, from the filthy garbage cans outside City Wok to the dirty place of the Raisins, he feels misery creeping into his skin._

_‘What has my town become?’ he asks himself. ‘How did it all become like this?’_

_Ah, but he knows. All the trouble, all the misery, and all the injustice happened when Scott fucking Tenorman set his foot outside the mental institution and into Coon’s beloved town._

_Even if he is his half-brother, the Coon knows he has to sacrifice the good times they’ve had for the good of South Park. Scott is mad, blinded by envy, by self-hate for being a ginger. He must be stopped. Coon will stop him._

_Coon is the hero South Park needs…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess? We are nearing the end…


	20. Chapter 20

At first, Kyle is disoriented. Waking up, not knowing where he is, and then thinking, ‘Wait, this is Cartman’s room! What am I—Oh, I remember now. I was kidnapped.’ 

It. Freaking. Sucks. He knows that _if_ he ever survive this night, all his friends will lecture him and say, ‘We told you but you didn’t listen, you butthole.’ And that Cartman. That Cartman! But Kyle is really pissed off at the moment. Thinking of Cartman’s would-be reaction will aggravate him more surely. Fucking life. 

Kyle thinks, ‘I’ve been in this room for about ten hours now. Why haven’t I heard some rescue attempt from my friends? Have they abandoned me?’ 

Kyle tries hard convincing himself that his friends have not. He thinks that maybe they are planning a grand escape plan only for this moment. That is why they are taking too long. Even if they think that what he did to them is bad (talking to Scott behind their backs), he knows they’ll forgive him and rescue him. He means, he is their friend, right? They won’t dare desert him. Or so Kyle sways himself. But what is taking them so long? It’s now five in the morning. 

Restlessly, Kyle tries again to free himself from the ropes that bind him in that stupid chair (as what he’s doing the past hours before he fell into a troubled sleep). 

“Stupid Scott. Stupid Cartman!” he mutters as he continues his struggle. 

Suddenly the door opens, and enters Scott Tenorman with a knowing stupid smirk. He’s holding a gun. And holy shit, he looks even more like the batshit crazy redhead orphan that he is. His eyes are piercing mad. His hair is unkempt, face haggard, eye-bags as big as Cartman’s fat ass. And a playful smirk is playing on his lips. 

“Looks like your friends deserted you, Kyle,” he taunts, carelessly swinging back and forth his hand holding the gun. 

“Fuck off. They’ll be here soon, I’m sure.” 

The freaking psycho laughs. “You’re sure? Like you’re so sure you can persuade me to forgive Cartman just by talking to me?” 

“I also wanted to tell you where we hid the tapes?” 

At this, the maniac stops laughing and looks at him with new interest. “Tapes? There’s supposed to be only one.” 

Before he can say anything more, Kyle stops himself. “Well, I’m not telling you now. You kidnapped me!” 

“And I will torture you if you don’t tell me more. Spill!” 

_Great going, Kyle Broflovski,_ the kidnapped tells himself. “Scott. Why are you doing this?” 

The boy sits on Cartman’s bed and stares at him. By God, his stare is unnerving. “Why you asked? Simply because you messed with us. That’s why. I’m going to make you sorry for it.” 

“Is it all because of Cartman? Is it? Because if it is, I’ll tell you something.” Kyle takes a deep breath. “I’ve learned something today—” 

“THE FUCK DO I CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU LEARNED TODAY!!!” Scott leaps from the bed and buries the gun’s muzzle to Kyle’s head. 

Kyle yelps in pain. 

“Do you have parting words, you Jew?” Scott asks. 

And now, Kyle is starting to cry. He hates that his life is to end this way, this humiliating, tragic, helpless… 

“DO YOU?!” 

“Yes! What I want to say is, yours is the worst anal sex I’ve ever watched!” 

“That’s it. Bye bye!” 

But the shot never came. Instead there is thud. Kyle opens his eyes and there is Scott lying on the floor. In front of him is his boyfriend, pale white and clutching the power drill that knocked Scott out. 

“St—I mean, Toolshed!” 

“Shh!” Toolshed says. “His friends are already awake downstairs.” He embraces Kyle then proceeds to untie his boy from the chair. 

Kyle feels like crying. “Where were you? Why did you come only now?” 

“Coon’s plan. He said we’ll tire your captors by making them wait the night then attack at dawn.” 

“You actually agreed to that son-of-a-bitch’s plan? What if they’d already killed me?” Kyle cries. 

“No, I didn’t, Kyle. I didn’t agree. That’s why I escaped from them in the middle of the night.” 

“In the middle of the night? Then how come you’re only here now?” 

Toolshed tried to look innocent. “I was inspecting the place… and, you know, wait for Coon and Mysterion and Mosq—” 

“Until dawn?!” 

“They are like fifty out there, Kyle!” Stan half-shouts. 

Kyle lowers his voice. “Shit. Really?” At Toolshed’s nod, he asks more to himself, “How did this asshole get fifty friends?” Then to Toolshed, “How did you get in here then?” 

“Luck.” Toolshed finishes untying Kyle. Once Kyle is free, they then again embrace. Scott begins to stir so they left the room as quick as possible and locks Scott inside. And now, they only need to escape this damn house full of thugs. 

It should be easy. 

2 

“How’d you get in here by luck again?” Kyle whispers at Toolshed. 

They were still at the top of the stairs, hiding, peeping at the floor below where they could see Scott’s friends on their early activities, moving in and about. It would have been a miracle if at least one of the rooms in the second floor is unlocked, perhaps they could escape from a window. But they know it would be of no use anyway. All the windows are guarded. They found out after trying on the window at the end of the hallway and saw one of them villains standing below it. Needless to say, they are trapped and doomed. 

“They were asleep when I entered,” Toolshed answers the previous question. 

“How long does it take to make a goddamn rescue plan, huh? What is taking Coon so fucking long?” Kyle hisses. 

“Relax.” 

“I can’t. You know I almost died in there!” 

Toolshed takes a peek at his watch. At five-thirty in the morning, Coon and Friends are still nowhere in sight. “Goddamnit, why are they late?” he mutters. 

A footstep from the bottom of the stairs. Both Toolshed and Kyle stops. Another footstep coming towards them and they come running at the other end of the hallway away from the stairs. 

They thought of going back to Cartman’s room when it opened and Scott stepped out from it. 

“How did y—” Kyle starts. 

“No room locks from the outside, you imbecile,” Scott supplies. 

Three redheaded men appeared from the stairs, each holding a bat, each sizing them up. 

Panic-stricken, Toolshed holds his power drill up in the air, while Kyle cowers behind him. “Get back! Get back!” 

“Scared now?” Scott advances toward them. “No big sister to protect you this time?” he taunts some more. 

“We swear we didn’t mean to watch the tape!” Toolshed exclaims. 

“Your boyfriend said there is more than one tape. What are you planning to do with those?” 

“We’re going to sell them! Please!” 

Even more angered by that confession, Scott signals his three friends to attack the two intruders. It could have been the end for Toolshed and Kyle, but since this is a part of some superhero saga, a Deus ex Machina will be obviously set into motion. 

“Leave them alone, you fucking redhead!” a stranger says, who has come crashing from a window and stands between Toolshed and Kyle and Scott and his gang. 

“Mosquito!” the newcomer said as another of his comrades, each coming one by one, enter from the same window, and each striking a pose. 

“Tupperware!” 

“Mysterion!” 

“Wonder Tweek!” 

“Super Craig.” 

“I’m just a normal Stormtrooper, actually.” 

“And I am The Coon.” Coon poses in front of all of them. 

“Fucking Fatass, you’re supposed to be here like half an hour ago!” Kyle squeals. 

Coon rolls his eyes. He sarcastically remarks, “Oh yes. The one who started this trouble has to be so goddamn picky. You’re welcome, good-for-nothing Jew. We had to pick the right moment, you know.” 

“When we’re about to die?” Toolshed asks in disbelief. 

Coon frowns, and then asks Mysterion in confusion. “I thought our Deus ex Machina is part of the plan?” 

“It is. So is Toolshed’s ignorance,” the hooded hero replies. 

“You’re still going to die!” Scott says, picking off from Toolshed’s last statement. 

“Dude, there’s like only four of you. And we’re like… nine,” Coon says. 

“Actually, there are fifty of them,” Toolshed says. “I counted.” 

“What do you say?” Scott asks proudly. 

Coon only looks at him blankly. He’s still staring at him with that vacant stare when he talks to his transmitter connected to his ear. “Ah, hello, Thomas. Are the child predators here yet? There are fifty of them? Are you su— Stop saying ‘shit’ all the time, you fucking fag. No, I know you have tourette, it doesn’t change the fact that… Yeah. Great. No, thank youuu.” He cuts off the connection. 

Toolshed and Kyle look at Coon in disbelief. “Dude.” 

Coon clears his throat. “Well, that’s taken care of. Now, where were we?” He snaps his chubby fingers and the ground seems to shake. Thrice. As if a giant entity is walking just outside the house. It is quite so as two gigantic metallic hands crashes the walls from both sides and lifts the roof to reveal a giant robot towering over them, metallic silver skin gleaming against the early morning light. The roof is thrown to a side. 

“Is that… Is that a Gundam?” one of Scott’s remaining three friends shrieks. 

“Peeing in your pants now?” Coon asks. 

“You can’t do this! That’s Japanese property!” Scott says. 

“Innocent Scott,” Coon mocks. “Don’t you know everything is Americanized these days?” He talks again to his transmitter in his ear. “Great piloting skills, Wendy. Keep up with the good work and I might finally consider adding a girl in my awesome superhero league.” 

At Scott’s utter speechlessness, Coon tells, “And this is not all, bastard. Look behind you.” 

Scott does and is bewildered to find all his three comrades knocked out, defeated to the ground. Sitting on top of their bodies are Romper Stomper and Trent Boyett, freshly out from the Juvenile Hall where they were kept almost all their life but with a deal with the Coon allowed them to taste the fresh air outside, even for a little while (Disneyland for Romper and a ticket to Imaginationland for Trent). 

“He got the idea from ‘Suicide Squad’,” the Stormtrooper whispers to Toolshed and Kyle, with a hint of pride. 

Kyle rolls his eyes. “No shit, Sherlock.” 

“And we didn’t even need to lift a finger!” Coon cackles to Scott’s annoyance. 

Trent points his switchblade to Coon. “Don’t forget the deal.” 

The superhero merely jeers at him. 

It takes some minutes for Scott to calm himself down. Confronted with the drastic turn of events, he faces Coon, resigned, and says, “All right, you win this time—” 

“Ah ah ah,” Coon scolds playfully. “Who said this is over?” 

Even Coon’s friends are shocked by his question. 

“Dude, we totally beat him now. What more do you want?” Toolshed asks. 

The raccoon smiles and produces a lunchbox. He holds the box high in the air as if it is some kind of Holy Grail that passes divine judgment on others. “I want you to – wait, you should definitely kneel first.” 

Scott is hesitant and confused at first, but having no other choice, kneels before his brother. 

“Good. I want you to cry first and,” he opens the box to reveal a delicious dish of chili con carne, “I want you to eat this.” 

All of them gape at the turn of the situation. _That_ is not part of the plan. “Dude, this is getting uncalled for,” Toolshed speaks nervously. 

“This is not how a hero works!” Tupperware proclaims. 

Scott is trying to hold back his tears. “Who is in there this time?” he asks, pertaining on the meat of the chili con. 

“Who do you think?” Coon asks back, coldly. “It’s definitely not my mom. Or your friends. Come on, Scott. I prepared this for you.” 

The kneeling boy chokes. “That’s my girlfriend, isn’t it?” 

Coon laughs. “I had to thank some trigger-happy rednecks for that. You, dipshit. Do you really think I would let you get away with what you did to Butters?” 

Kyle throws his hands in the air. “No. I’m not watching this. Stan, let’s go. This is over, anyway.” 

“No, it’s not, Kyle!” Coon shrieks, his eyes still trained on Scott. “You must watch me torment him. Don’t you want to get back at what he did to you?” 

“No, Cartman. Don’t you see? I learned something today—” 

“DO YOU THINK I GIVE A CRAP WHAT YOU LEARNED TODAY?!!” Coon screams. He shoves the chili con to Scott. “Eat this now!” 

“No!” 

“I’m not asking. Eat this, you son of a bitch, or else we will release your sex tape online. I have Nathan just waiting for my go signal. In just one call. You won’t be cool after that. I’m not even joking. How would you like that?” 

“Stop him!” Mysterion orders his teammates. They move rapidly to tackle Coon to the ground. But Romper and Trent block their way, with the latter waving his switchblade menacingly in the air. 

“Fuck this, they’re only three of them,” Mosquito says. 

“Four if you count me,” Wendy says from inside the robot. And with that, she picks Mosquito and Tupperware up and throws them in the air. 

“Wendy?! Why did you do that?!” Toolshed asks wildly. 

“Sorry, Stan. But we really need to have a female superhero here in South Park. Women need representation here. And I will do anything to get in Coon and Friends.” 

“You should count me in too, Coon.” From the shadows, General Disarray emerges holding a gun and pointing it to Toolshed and the others. They freeze in front the gun’s muzzle. The general’s presence may have been an added terror to the hero group but, surprisingly, it is a bad news to Coon himself. 

“What are you fucking doing here, dumbass?” he seethes. “Who the fuck is watching over Butters?!” 

With a sheepish grin, the general answers, “He’s awake now, so. We are here to, you know, to be on your side, since the Professor find out that you are all doing this for him—” 

“I’m not doing this for him! You make it sound totally gay,” Coon says, annoyed. 

Professor Chaos finally makes his appearance beside his loyal general, also holding a gun though it is lowered in his side. He still looks weak and pale and the purple bruise on his left cheek is still glaring. He’s looking at the ground, fidgeting. “Well, I’m sorry, Eric. I just thought—” 

“I am not Eric! I am the Coon!” But he looks relieved upon seeing his friend. He turns to Scott. “We’re just prolonging your agony. You think we have forgotten about you? Eat this!” 

In the corner of his eye, Coon sees Mysterion start to make a move. Professor Chaos shoots him in one knee, causing him to almost fall to the ground if not for Super Craig catching him in his arms. 

“FUCK!” Mysterion curses. 

“What did you do that for, man?” Wonder Tweak asks the professor. 

“Don’t waste food,” Chaos answers. “Coon already cooked the girlfriend. It would be a waste if Scott doesn’t eat what he prepared.” 

“I HATE YOU!” Scott yells and is about to punch Coon so Professor Chaos shoots him, too, in his crotch. Scott cries in pain and tumbles over. Coon watches his brother curl up in the floor, obviously in suffering. Then he drops the food container in frustration. 

“Dude. Chaos. BUTTERS! What the fuck did I tell you about shooting people in the dick?!” 

“But he was about to hit you!” Chaos answers. 

“But that’s not cool, dude,” Toolshed deadpans. 

“Yeah, totally gay of you, Butters,” Kyle seconds. 

Scott cries some more. “Why… Why did you drop my girlfriend?” He reaches for the spilled contents of the lunchbox. “Oh. Ramona,” he moans. 

“Scott?” comes a female voice. 

“I-it still talks?” Scott asks in bewilderment. 

“Scott, what happened here? Why is a giant robot outside your house? Why are your friends getting harassed by middle-aged men? Scott, where are you?” the female voice continues to asks. 

All the occupants of the second-floor hear steps mounting the stairs, and they watch in fascination as a girl ascend from it, a beautiful girl they’ve all seen before in a non-satisfying sex tape. 

“Scott?” 

“Ramona?” Scott asks in confusion. He inspects the con carne before him. “Then, who is this?” he asks Coon. 

Coon looks away, takes a deep breath, and says, “That’s Honey Boo Boo.” 

“Then why did you tell me it’s my girlfriend?” 

“Well, I… You see, Scott, I learned something today (Kyle groans at this). There are a lot but you know, I’ve learned how hard it is to almost lose somebody so – I’m not talking about you, Butters, shut the fuck up – so, I don’t want you to experience that… again. Because even after the fights we had, even though you’re a ginger and you ate my father, even though you still owe me ten dollars, I’ve already come to accept you as my brother. So… there.” 

Scott is crying now. “Brother!” He opens up his arms wide and Coon goes into it, both enclosing each other in an embrace the first time the both share. The others watch on happily. 

“I’m glad this turned out okay,” Kyle tells Toolshed. 

“But what about the tapes?” Toolshed asks. 

It was Wonder Tweak who replies. “We burned it. Coon told us to. You’re okay with that, right?” 

Before Toolshed can reply to that, Wendy shouts in the air. “Watch out, everybody! I’m going to fall on you!” 

They all look up once quickly to confirm that indeed that the Gundam (that the Coon and friends really bought in Mexico) is indeed having a malfunction, crumbling, and is about to fall on where they are and crush them to death. They all scrambled to run, leaving the injured Mysterion and Super Craig. 

“Save yourself, you idiot!” Mysterion tells his companion. 

Super Craig scoffs at him, an action unacceptable during this kind of situation. “And what? Let Damien have you again? No thanks. Besides, I might forget that this happened when you come back to life soon, that you died. I’ll go with you this time.” 

No words can describe how Mysterion felt about that last statement. He gapes at his companion. “How did you know I can come back to life?” 

That question goes unanswered as Death already enveloped the two of them.


	21. Chapter 21

“What happened?” 

“You died.” 

“How? Why?” 

“Because you’re an idiot.” 

“Where am I, then?” 

“In hell.” 

Craig finally opens his eyes. First blurry, he comes to make out Kenny hovering over him with a concerned expression on his face. The boy is back in his black parka hood. Craig looks around the room. The place is well-lit. It is a boy’s room for some matter. There are windows, a bureau, a bed… surely Kenny is joking about him being dead. 

“What is he doing here?” the voice that asked is angry, coming from a figure sitting on the bed. 

When his vision becomes perfectly clear, Craig sits up from the floor and sees it is Damien Thorn on the bed. Pip Pirrup is standing by the door, watching them with wary. 

“He died with me,” Kenny addresses the question. Then he offers a hand to Craig and helps him up to his feet. 

Now standing, Craig looks out the window and sees the horror the religious promised when one is to fall into the depths of hell. Tormented souls and bodies, laughing and flying demons, the deafening wails of agony, the lakes of fire, and more horror that Craig is not sure if he could take it. He grips Kenny’s hand tighter. 

“Why am I in hell?” he asks of his dear friend. 

“I’ve told you before,” Kenny answers rather fondly, “only Mormons go to heaven.” 

“That’s sweet,” Damien observes. “Now get him out of here. Only you are supposed to be here, Kenny. Pip, take our ‘guest’ out for a walk.” 

“Will do, Damien,” Pip answers. He pulls Craig’s hand away from Kenny’s and leads him out of the room. “You will surely miss the orientation if you don’t hurry, Craig. Hitler will make the opening speech. Oh, and I welcome you here,” Pip cheers. 

Craig does not answer. The confusion in his mind renders him speechless. He looks over his shoulders to see Kenny one last time. 

Kenny is giving him a sad smile. “I’ll see you later,” he manages to say before Damien slams the door close. 

The first thought that finally comes to his mind is the indecision if this is all worth it. 

2 

Craig’s dead. Craig will never see his loved ones again. Mom, Dad, Ruby, Stripes, Gigi Hadid… Never again. He’ll never know how _Game of Thrones_ ends, or who will Taylor Swift date next, or who will win the presidential elections… Actually, he doesn’t want to know the last part. Whoever wins, Trump or Clinton, either way he will be grateful to be in hell. 

He already shed few tears for his friends and family, but since he is not really that emotional kind of a man, he’s left feeling empty sitting in this part of the hell, in what kind of look like a park. Leave it to the universe to make everything look surreal. 

He wants to see Kenny, be with the sole reason he is in here in the first place. But being new and unfamiliar to hell, he doesn’t know how to get back to Damien’s place. He’s alone now. He separated from the tour group a while back. Somehow witnessing Hitler give a tour and hearing him say “And zhis is vhere ve torture you, ja?” is not really invigorating of a welcome to the land abandoned by hope. 

“There you are, Craig. I’ve been looking for you.” 

Craig spots Kenny walking to where he is and he rises from his seat to greet his friend. 

“Kenny…” 

Kenny is looking embarrassed for some reason. He is avoiding Craig’s gaze. 

“It’s not your fault I got here,” Craig deadpans. “It was very impulsive, I concede, and it’s all on me. So you can look directly to my eyes now. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” 

Kenny does so, still a little reserved. 

They continue to stand and regard each other with certain familiarity. 

“Damien let you search for me?” 

The blonde bites his lip then says, “Yes. After Pip came returning to us and reporting he lost you in the tour. I mean, Damien couldn’t care less if you got lost but I insisted that you were here because of me and you’ll need all the guidance you can get.” 

“I had to leave the tour group. I can’t stand being with Pip. I don’t like him.” 

Kenny frowns. “None of you does.” 

“What do you mean ‘all the guidance’?” 

Kenny produces a key from his pockets. “Key to The Bargain Hotel. You’ll be in my room, the one I always used before I lost that bet with Damien and I have to stay with him.” 

“That bet where you required a confession of love from me?” 

“You finally remembered?” 

Craig gives an exaggerated sigh. “I guess meeting with Death also allowed me to gain access to the secrets of the universe.” 

Kenny laughs wryly. He gives the key to Craig. “I need to leave soon. Perhaps you have also remembered that I can come back to life?” At Craig’s nod, he continues. “Between South Park and Damien, I really don’t know how I can make time with you.” 

A little offended, Craig says, “Don’t think of me as your responsibility. Don’t even pity me.” 

“No,” Kenny shakes his head. He takes Craig’s hands and holds them tightly. “I’ll find a way. I will make everything right. I promise.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

Kenny grabs the sides of his face and kisses him. Just as quickly, before Craig can even react to it, Kenny pulls away and looks him in his eyes. “I’ll get Pip to take care of you. I’ll convince the tormentors to go easy on you. And I’ll visit you every opportunity that I can get. I promise.” He is walking away now. Craig can only do so much as watch him go. His hopes are going up. “Don’t make promises, Kenny!” he calls onto him. Kenny looks over his shoulder. “I’ll be expecting you anytime soon. I’ll leave my windows open.” 

That causes Kenny to smile. 

3 

If hell means living your everyday life in desolation, loneliness, and increasing loss of insanity, then Craig is living it. He doesn’t really know how time moves in here but overtime he figured out his schedule. On the first day, there is Luau where Satan and some others were having a musical. Craig does not think it’s mandatory but he always attends it just to have some socialization. Then there’s 30 dreadful, boring days after that where he does not do anything and just lie on his bed. On the night of the 30th day, some demon scouts would round up the occupants of the hotel where he is staying. He together with 39 others will get tied to a post, boiling fire underneath them, while the evil creatures would fly around them, give them good beatings and stake their spears through their bodies. Craig would always die in this scenarios and he would wake up during an orientation with a new batch of hell inmates. And the cycle would start again. 

All in all, he is sure he has been staying in hell for about 104 days now. Never once did he hear anything from Kenny. 

As promised, Pip is keeping him company sometimes. The British lad would pop up in his room and tell him of his adventures in Hell with Damien and Kenny. Pip is also the one who teaches him how things in Hell work. 

Craig, on the other hand, who have come to realized even before death that his want for Kenny’s company borders to romantic love, wants to mess things up. He asks of Pip, “Don’t you feel anything for Damien? Don’t you feel like Kenny is getting in the way between you and him?” 

“I get what your pointing at, Craig,” Pip answers, unsmiling. “But I may have to refute what you’re getting at.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because contrary to popular belief, I am not a fag. I do have a beautiful girl in England who knows how to break a heart, who’s quite generous in giving insults, and whose soul is dead but body still kept alive by her wretched of an ugly mother. Her name is Stella and I have devoted my life waiting for her here.” 

“Oh, how I hate you.” 

Then Craig will proceed to ask him about Kenny. “Is he back?” “Will he visit me this time?” “What is Kenny’s plan?” “How do I sneak up on Damien’s room?” 

To his disappointment, Pip would reply, “Damien does not want me to tell you anything about Kenny. He said Kenny is his and you shall not bother them or else he’ll give you twice the torture you are receiving.” 

Craig would say, “Damien is a fag. Why doesn’t he fight me like a man?” 

“I don’t think Kenny would appreciate it if you two fight over him.” 

“I don’t appreciate him making a bet with Damien over my feelings either,” Craig would snap. “I should call it quits.” 

“You know everything then?” Pip asks. 

“Enough to make me decide that Kenny is an idiot for staking his whole being just for a stupid bet. Whether or not I knew about his powers should have nothing to do with our relationship.” 

Pip jumps to his friend’s defense. “Well after we did ‘fix’ you, you don’t find Kenny interesting at all after that. You couldn’t even say that you like him, was it not?” 

Craig glares at him. “How did you know?” 

“Damien and I were watching. We always are. We witnessed you slept with Tweek Tweak and broke up with Kenny. That was what happened. Now tell me if you still have a right to go after my friend.” 

Craig would have no answer to that. He would return to ignoring Pip, sitting alone in that hotel room and thinking of his Mom and Dad. Again, he thinks if killing himself was worth it. 

4 

That same night, Kenny finally enters his room from the window Craig always keeps open. Craig is deep into his dreamless sleep when he is jolted awake by a weight at the edge of his bed. With a start, he reaches to switch on the bedside lamp. 

“Kenny?” he asks of the disheveled blonde boy sitting at his bed. 

“It’s me.” Kenny laughs gaily. Then turning serious, he asks, “How are you, Craig?” 

Something about the question or the way Kenny looks at him that makes him want to break into sobbing. “I’ve waited for you for so long,” he croaks. 

Kenny goes on to pat his head. “I’m sorry. But you know why I can’t come to you, right?” 

“So Damien finally let you this time?” he asks grudgingly. 

“Technically, no. Considering that he’s not here. He and his father are in Canada to discuss some matters with Beelzeboot. Damien talked to me beforehand in South Park and forbid me from getting myself killed, but he should have known that the entire mortal world is out to kill me so…” 

“How’s my family? Stripes? Are they okay? Have they accepted my death?” 

“Craig, it’s only been a month since you died in South Park.” 

“What?” 

Kenny shrugs. “That is how time works here in hell. Every second feels like forever… Your family is still in shatters about your death but they’ll manage. I’ll see that they do.” 

“And what will happen to me?” Craig asks. 

Kenny smiles. “That’s why I’m here.” 

Craig frowns. “What do you mean?” 

Kenny fidgets in his seat. “I may have found someone who can help you get out of here.” 

“Who?” 

“Do you remember Christophe? The Mole?” Craig keeps staring at him only blankly so he carries on. “I may have stumbled upon him the other day – pure accident. And I grabbed that opportunity to ask him why on the million occasions I’m here in Hell I only rarely see him. Do you know what I found out? That the bastard is using a secret passage he found here, a passage from here to earth. And he’s using that, he said, to continue his war on God.” Kenny laughs, but to Craig it sounds really sad. 

The blonde looks at him. There is a smile on his face but it is sad, too. “He’s waiting for us. This is our only chance to get you out of here. While Damien is away.” 

“Kenny, I’m supposed to be dead,” Craig cries. “I can’t possibly bend the rules of the universe.” 

“South Park has been known to bend those rules,” Kenny interjects calmly and knowingly. “Who are you, being a part of South Park, to deny that privilege?” 

But Craig is not yet finished. “And I’m supposed to be with you.” 

At that Kenny laughs bitterly. “But you see it’s not working. You’re in here and we still can’t be together. Damien won’t give up, doesn’t know how to give up. Do you know how many times I’ve tried to escape from him to get to you and failed?” 

Craig stays silent. He considers Kenny’s statement. Then he smiles because yes, it’s true… dying is not really worth it. He looks out of the window with a dreamy expression and says, “Oddly enough, I think I will miss this place.” 

5 

The walk to the secret passage is quiet. Craig and Kenny walk silently side by side. But while they do, Craig takes in for the last time the view of Hell and decides that even though he can’t be a part of Kenny’s entire world, knowing all of it should be enough. He has a world of his own, and who is to say that Kenny is not part of that? 

They reach a peak of a fiery mountain after what seemed to be hours of hiking, and The Mole is indeed waiting for them there, with a sour expression on his face, a cigarette stick on his mouth and a rope dangling from his shoulders, squatting before a very dark of a cave. Kenny waves hi at him. 

Christophe huffs and stands up with the help of his shovel. “Is this the boy you want to return to the mortal realm?” 

“Yes. His name is Craig Tucker.” 

“I don’t care what his name is. Hurry.” He suddenly pulls Craig’s arm and push him inside when Kenny stops him. 

“Wait, asshole! I have to say goodbye first!” Kenny exclaims. And Craig shoots a middle finger at The Mole because, really, they have to say goodbye. 

Christophe grunts in annoyance but ultimately walks away from them to give them a little privacy. 

“So… this is it,” Kenny says. “I don’t know what will happen to you after this. I don’t know if the folks up at South Park would remember you died and have panic attacks upon seeing you. So, good luck?” 

Craig shrugs. “I’m sure they’ll get over it.” 

Now Kenny blushes. And Craig knows why. It would be really out of his character to say things about feelings; it would be for him, too. Finally Kenny asks, “You know how Kyle feels towards Stan?” 

“Yes?” 

“I feel the same way towards you.” 

Craig barks a laugh. “And you know how Cartman feels towards himself?” 

“Uh-uh.” 

“I guess I feel that to you.” 

“Ugh. Can’t you think of anything that’s not moronic? That’s really stupid!” Christophe shouts angrily at them. “You guys are the worst!” 

“Fuck you, fuck-tard!” Kenny shouts back. “Can’t you see we’re having a moment here? We’re expressing our feelings. It’s not really my fault I can’t say ‘I love you’ out loud and he can’t say ‘I love you, too.’ If you please excuse us.” Kenny turns back at Craig. “What do you want to say next?” 

There is nothing he can think of, so Craig just grabs Kenny’s face towards his and kisses him. And Kenny kisses him back. Craig pulls back after a long while and whispers, “Tell… tell Pip I still don’t like him. And tell Damien that I would do anything to keep you alive once I got a hold of you in South Park. I’ll have you this time.” 

Kenny wipes away a tear from his eye. “You have to remember all of these first before you can carry all that out.” 

“I will,” Craig says determinedly. “I will.” 

Christophe leads Craig inside the cave. The latter keeps looking over his shoulder at Kenny, but when they’re far enough, he looks straight ahead and sees only darkness. They walk some more until Christophe, who Craig can’t really see anymore in the darkness, stops him with a hand to his chest. 

“This is where I leave you,” Christophe says. “Just walk straight ahead then you’ll be in walking in South Park in no time. I have to return to Hell, got some matters to handle.” 

Craig says nothing. He starts to walk then hears Christophe say, “I don’t get why you want to return to Earth, only to bow down again to God’s stupid rules. What a pity.” 

Craig disregards him and walks on back to life. 

6 

Didn’t Pip tell Craig that they are always watching? He did. And he and Damien were watching Kenny when he died and went to Hell, when he went to Craig and took him to the secret passage, when they said their goodbyes and when they shared a kiss? They were watching in Canada. 

It’s a wonder to Pip, how someone like Kenny can be at blame and blameless at the same time. Currently, the Brit hates him for the heartache he is causing right now to Damien. On the other hand, he knows what Craig is to Kenny can’t really be helped. According to the conditions of the bet Damien will have Kenny wholly _in Hell,_ not on Earth. Damien should have seen that. 

But like Kenny said a while ago, Damien won’t give up. And with what they just witnessed, there will be hell to pay, Pip is sure about that. Pip would pity Kenny then. 

But that is for another day. Pip is sure Damien will draw up another plan to have Kenny. He will have him, even if it would take years, even if it would transcend time. Their story would take long, but with a demon and an ‘immortal’ boy as characters, who didn’t see that coming? What a dangerous thing love is. 

Pip watches as Damien quietly leaves the room where they are watching Kenny walk back to the hotel. Damien is not yet devising a plan, Pip thinks. Not yet. There is still a meeting with Belzeboot that he must attend. And with Kenny, Damien will still have him no matter what. He has all the time in the world and they are inevitable in the first place. He is not worrying. He does not want to worry. 

7 

Kenny wakes up at South Park on hazy morning sunshine. Rushing, he dresses up for school and waits for the bus with his four other best friends. The bus comes, he hops on. He looks around the bus and sees Craig sitting by the window of the sixth row of the left side. Kenny is about to walk to him but he is pulled by Damien who makes him sit beside him on the fourth row. 

Kenny frowns at that but he keeps to himself. When the bus starts to move he looks over at where Craig is sitting. He is wondering, he is dying to know. No one is making a commotion or an exclamation that Craig was dead, and Kenny is taking it as bad sign. _So can it be…? Does he remember?_

Craig is also looking at him. When their eyes connect, the raven-haired smiled at him reassuringly and nods. 

_Yes, I remember._

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, as you know all things must come to an end. This one is more like open-ended, I know but...  
> Anyway I had a blast writing this fic. I hope you had a good time reading this.


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